so confused re:routines, sleeping etc

[ceebs05]

My dd is 7 weeks old. I am currently bf-ing on demand and she generally goes about 2-3 hours between feeds although often feeds more frequently, especially at night.

For the first couple of weeks we had to take it in turns to hold her at night as she wouldn't sleep otherwise. She is now sleeping for a couple of hours at a time between feeds in her moses basket at night. Last week things seemed to be getting even better as she only woke for feeds twice during the night but now she seems to have gone backwards again and it has become very difficult to settle her back to sleep after a feed during the night.

During the day she still will rarely let me put her down in her bouncy chair/basket/cot for any length of time, preferring to be held. She will only nap if out on a walk in the pram, in the car or in my arms/sling. Makes it very difficult to have a shower etc!

I'm writing all this to give an idea of what our current pattern tends to be as I keep being told (MIL) that i need to get her into a better routine and various comments have been made that imply that I am 'pandering' to her too much and that she should be sleeping much more at night by now, and hence that I must be doing something wrong if she's not. They seem to think she is 'difficult' but I am inclined to think that she is just a baby and that rigid routine would not necessarily help. She tends to suffer with colic in the evening hence I don't really try to settle her for the night until 10/11pm as she only screams if I try to put her down while she is already unsettled.

What do people think - an tips on how to improve sleeping pattern, should she be sleeping better/right through by now, should I be more structured about bed times/feeding times etc?

You are right and your MIL is wrong. Trush your own instincts, and it will get better.

She's not difficult she's normal. And I agree with Strawberrie - your MIL is WRONG! Seven weeks is still tiny and no baby should be expected to sleep through at this point or adhere to some sort of routine. Babies fall into a rhythm of their own without anything being imposed on them - it will get more predictable I promise! Your baby is telling you what she needs - I wouldn't have been at all surprised if you'd said she feeds at about 11, 1, 3 and 5 overnight. Going longer at night isn't a sign of some sort of progress - just a different phase.

I have never yet had a piece of advice from a woman of the previous generation that was worth anything. With the possible exception of our GP!

thanks for your responses - I've been getting myself stressed out as we are not in a 'routine' as such and doing some reading as well as comments from others made me think we should be more structured in our approach - i am just feeding her when she seems hungry and if that means she only sleeps for an hour or two at a time well so be it - although I am exhausted as a result!

Maybe it is a growth spurt that's affecting her sleep - the frequency of her feeds has seemed to vary from day to day at times though so it's hard to tell!

Agree with other posters.

I have never tried for a routine with ds, now 9m.

I am happy.

He is happy.

If other people don't like it who cares. They aren't raising your baby!

You sound like a lovely instinctual mum.

Trust those instincts.

keep doing what you are doing and stop listening to your MIL - she is probably actually dimly recalling the routine for a much bigger baby (I find the older generation's amnesia about what they did quite amusing). If necessary just fob her off - she's probably trying to be supportive in the only way she can think of, but it's making you doubt your instincts (which as others have said you should totally trust), so don't give her the chance!

My DD wouldn't settle in bed till 3am for quite a few weeks. That was the only opportunity I had to shower, and then I had to get her up at 7am to feed etc. in time for the school run. She surprised me at 12 weeks and slept through - for 2 weeks. She then became 'difficult' again for a few months as she had silent reflux. That got better with time (and solids) and she settled into a routine herself. At the age of one she became a very settled baby who loves going to bed.

All babies are different. You know your baby. Do what you think is right.

You will find lots of people giving you advice as your child grows about all sorts of things. Advice is fine - it's there to be followed or ignored as you see fit.

Enjoy your little one. I used to think to myself that they're babies for such a short length of time and I was experiencing more of it as I was awake for more of it - perverse maybe, but it got me through it!

Far too young to worry about a routine I think.

Our DD was exactly the same at that age (although I was ff not bf), it just got gradually easier as she grew. I agree with the comment about amnesia, I'm sure lots of people remember older babies but 7 weeks...it's so young!

Follow your babies lead, don't stress about a routine that will come later.

Most important thing is happy mummy=happy baby.

OP, i am a big proponant of routines but they are only valuable if they work for and are suitable for you and your baby. It sounds to me like your MIL is imposing an expectation suitable for a much older baby on you.

From my point of view i also think your little one is doing everything she is supposed to at her age. 7 weeks is too early to be expecting her to be sleeping through and the cuddling thing is perfectly normal in my (albiet limited ) experience.

I do second the suggestion though that you consider swaddling though. Worked wonders on my little girl.

U sound like ur doing everyhing right. I'm now on baby 3 and feeding on demand, cuddling etc seems like the easiest and happiest way certainly for me and my babies. Don't think u can 'pander' or ever spoil a wee one-they spent 9 months being jiggled around in ur nice warm womb so no wonder they need lots of holding! I did find that a 'womb box' -so sorry can't remember proper name, certainly helped my 10 wk old baby to settle more easily-it's a cuddly bear (?? Maybe called prince lionheart) that had an electronic wee box inside it which has a recording of the noises ur baby heard in the womb ( also has White noise, classical music...)-v soothing. Best of luck x

Thanks for your responses - it's very reassuring to know that dd is not doing anything out of the ordinary for her age and that others have similar experiences. MIL means well but does seem to have expectations that she should be sleeping much better and more consistently by now which made me worry. I need to work at tuning her out (DH manages this better having had nearly 30 years of practice!)

We do swaddle her at night - it's how we got from not settling at all to settling for an hour or two at night. But I don't do it during the day as the in laws told me not to put her down in the same place etc as during the night so that she knows the difference between night and day. They felt her night time routine needed to be different to her napping during the day to achieve this. Do you think swaddling her and putting her in her moses basket (where she sleeps for short periods at night) during the day is a good idea or would it confuse her?

Will def look into the 'womb box' though, thanks for that suggestion McGill

ceebs, I could have written your post. DS is 7 weeks today and doing everything you describe. And I'm stressing myself out thinking I should be putting him down to bed at 7pm etc. I feel just as clueless as you so great to find this thread and realise I'm not alone and all this is normal!

ceebs05, my DD was always swaddled during the day and put in her cot for daytime naps. During the night she slept in her moses basket in our bedroom but during the day she was in her room (i did that so it would not be shock for her when it came time to move into her cot permanently). That said i doubt it really made too much difference to her where it was in terms of her sleeping.

Telling day from night really has more to do with light and how you react. We always dealt with time time feeds with low light and very little interaction (no playing etc but still lots of cuddles). During the day waking from a nap she was always greeted with a happy smiley face and lots of light (curtains opened).

I wouldnt worry to much about what MIL has to say. Nod and smile and keep on doing what feels right for you and little one.

As everyone else has said, your MIL is totally clueless. I'm guessing she may not have breastfed her babies, which also might be part of the problem? The emphasis on routines is for FF babies only in my opinion. BF babies need to be fed on demand and will fall into their own routine in time, don't worry. In the meantime, cuddle, feed and enjoy your baby! They only stay small for such a short amount of time, and as a first time mum you can waste that by fretting about book reading and routine setting (not to mention deminish your milk supply leading to a very grumpy baby and a tormented mum). The more you feed, the more milk you'll produce and in a little while it'll all settle down perfectly.
You're doing everything right, don't worry!