Dd plays with domineering/bullying friend - wwyd?

[solongandthanksfor]

Dd (y1) plays with child X quite a bit at school.

I recently observed how they interacted at a party they were at together. I was pretty shocked at X's behaviour towards dd. Constant touching, putting arm round dd, dragging her off from other friends who wanted to play with her, trying to kiss her, sitting so close to her she was practically squashed. I asked X to let go of dd many times so she could enjoy the party properly. X refused to let go of her - I had no option but to step back as X's parents weren't there, and unless I physically dragged X off her (which I wasn't prepared to do) I couldn't stop this behaviour.

Several times, X went right up to dd, and stared right into her eyes.

Talked to dd afterwards to find out if this happens at school at all. It seems it does - not all the time, but certainly sometimes in the playground. I've not really had much experience of dealing with this kind of thing - I'm really unhappy with this, as I feel dd should be able to play free of harassment, but dd is still playing with this 'friend'. Should I advise her to stay clear? i am going to talk to her teacher to see if she's observed it at school, and to suggest ways to stop it.

They are still quite young, so it could just be a phase X is going through, maybe she's going through something at home.

Having said that, you don't really want this kind of 'friendship' to continue as it may just get worse as they get older. I agree that you should talk to her teacher and see if she has noticed anything. Could you try to cultivate other friends - invite them over etc, so she can play with others without X.

Is your DD happy with the way X behaves or does she feel smothered? Perhaps you could role-play with DD to work on ways to clearly but nicely tell X to leave her alone.

Thanks, Fernie.

That's what I feel, I don't want the friendship to continue in this way, and I also worry in case it prevents dd from developing friendships with less dominating friends.

Dd doesn't like the way X behaves, but I think partly because of her personality, she goes along with it. What I mean, is that she's quite sociable and loves to please, so would find it hard to say no to anyone who wanted to play with her.

Roleplay is a good idea; I'll try it. Altho' having seen X in action, X is v unstoppable, which is why I'm going to see her teacher to see how school can help.

It's actually quite common...my DD is now 6 and in year two...but in year one she had a similar thing with a child who grabbed/pulled and pushed. This child had a few emotionl trobles and used to go to the loo every ten minutes...it was a habit...not a need...and she had begun to try to drag my DD out of the room with her.

It was then that the teachers made an effort to help. THey split them up...put them on seperate tables and watched out for DD in the playground. I also told DD that she was to play with who she wanted to and if child X tried to boss her around then she was to tel the teacher.

It's part of learning how to be friends...and in your DDs case learing how to manage friends.

AskDDs teacher if she is mixing with others...and tel her you feel DD is getting "overwhelmed" by child x...then see what happens.

But it will go...your DD will learn to manage it all.

Mash - thanks. It's good to hear about your dd's experience - and that teacher intervention helped. 'Overwhelmed' is definitely the right word - I feel it myself when I see X in action. I'm seeing teacher tomorrow so will see how I get on, and how she responds. thanks.

Talk to the teacher and get them to talk to the kids mum - although you might want to do this yourself if she is the approachable type. You could explain about what happened at the party, that the girl ignored you and say it's also happening in school.

I spoke to the teacher today, and she had already noticed this behaviour, and started to ensure that X and dd are not together in any groups within the class or sitting near each other etc. This was reassuring, tho' I wondered if the teacher should have alerted me to this problem - if it was more conventional bullying, maybe they would have?

Also, wondering, would you forbid your dc to play with certain friends? I'm going to suggest to dd that she stays away from X if this is happening, but I'm trying to keep it low key. But really, I'd rather just say 'don't ever play with X'.

LeninGrad - thanks, that must be really hard to experience from the other side as well. At least you are reinforcing the message as well to your ds - hopefully he will learn soon.