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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 year old playing fanjo banjo - how to handle?!!!

16 replies

phonicspusher · 08/11/2010 19:33

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has discovered masturbation and is very keen to try out this new sensation at every opportunity...! I have no hang ups (I don't think!? maybe you will disagree?) and am pleased that all seems to be in working order... I've checked she has no thrush, no UTI - all seems very healthy!! We've had a few talks about why she is touching herself and agreed it does feel nice - and I have explained that everyone does it, its fine, indeed its lovely, but that its private and if she wants to do it then she needs to go to her bedroom and enjoy it privately.. She is now so enthused with this new hobby that her "private time" is getting in the way of day to day events (bath, tea, bed) and we have reached the rather awkward situation of trying to judge how long we should sit around waiting for her to, erm, finish before we insist she joins us...!!! How to handle in a mature enlightened and non-sexually-repressing way?! Please advise!!

OP posts:

notyummy · 08/11/2010 19:41

Well I think you have done really well so far!

I think I would tend to treat it like any other activity (drawing etc) - fine if it is something they wish to do, however they can only do it so long because there are other things to do.

5 min warning.

1 min warning...and then brisk - 'right come on DD we have to do X' and moving on to next thing.

pinkthechaffinch · 08/11/2010 19:42

Just firmly tell her that she'll have to wait to have her private time later.

I wouldn't put up with this. She'll be demanding 'private time' whenever there's something to be done that she's not keen on.

thisisyesterday · 08/11/2010 19:45

i don't thnk you need to wait for her to "finish" because she isn't doing it with the aim of climaxing (is she? can they at that age?)

she's just enjoying the feeling, so you can go and tell her to get a move on whenever you want/need to!

mumbar · 08/11/2010 19:58

I got around it by telling DS it was a private thing to be done in bed at bedtime

Doesn't stop him trying to fiddle all the bloody time-- on other occassions tho.

NoelEdmondshair · 09/11/2010 09:45

Sorry, OP, can't offer any advice but your post has made me cry with laughter.

Playing fanjo bango

pigletmania · 09/11/2010 19:21

Same sentiments as Noel, fanjo banjo now thats a new one

ForMashGetSmash · 09/11/2010 19:23

I am sorry but I cannot begin to answer such a masterfully titled thread. PLAYING FANJO BANJO!??

AnnieBeansMum · 09/11/2010 19:27

I think you have handled it beautifully thus far! Although maybe you also need to stress that, while it is nice, it shouldn't become the only thing she is interested in. She also needs to know that it shouldn't interfere with the rest of the family - eg, tea and bathtime. I think you'll be fine. I am very impressed with how you have handled it thus far.

That's about all I can manage - cannot stop giggling about fanjo banjo!

crispface · 10/11/2010 17:36

i give y dd the warnings then if she ignores me i ust pick her up and march her downstairs to get ready, like i would if she were ignoring me at any other time really

I find it is worse if she has a full bladder so try and encourage lots of weeing before she get to the banjo stage (loving fanjo banjo!)

now try telling her that despite being in bed, she really ought to stop when other people are around

ApocalypseCheese · 10/11/2010 19:54

I think they can climax at that age, i'm not entirely sure but my dd used to do this and if she was interupted would say 'go away, i'm waiting for the fizzy bit'

Oh and @ fanjo banjo

Original poster

phonicspusher · 11/11/2010 22:11

Pleased to have raised a smile...Thanks for all kind words! I'll carry on with the whole enlightened-mommy thing and report back if she goes cross-eyed...

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 12/11/2010 07:20

I think you've handled it well. Love the phrase fanjo banjo, I don't think my DD has discovered the joys of hers yet. She is 9.6 so maybe a late player in that particular orchestra.

angeldelights · 03/02/2011 17:28

I have the same problem...My 3 year old daughter gets all red in the face and grunts. Pretty embarrassing when we have visitors lol
But I have also said that it's to be done in her private time and not when others are around.

I am thrilled that I'm not the only one in this situation. :)

LittleDonkin · 04/02/2011 20:09

Oh gosh I will have all this to contend with! DD isnt even 4 months yet and I am worrying about the toddler stage!
I always thought it was just little boys who played with themselves!!!

madmither · 06/02/2011 20:56

thank god im not the only one with a child that does this lol.
my 4 year old daughter has taken to stuffing either a teddy or a blanket and jiggling up and down on it til she goes red in the face.i was shocked when i first saw it and have asked her not to do it but i was worried incase she'd seen someone else doing it at nursery ( another child )
lol loving the term fanjo banjo

PigeonPair · 06/02/2011 21:28

Oh God - this has made me laugh so much. DD enjoys rubbing herself against the crotch strap of her carseat. She's been doing it since she was about 15 months and is only just starting to stop now. I have never really known what to do about it. Very distracting with her feet bashing against the back of my seat.

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