9yr old tantrums- help!!

[bubby64]

Hi, I'm new here, and joined for some much needed advice. I have almost 10yr old id twin boys, and I am losing it with one of them. He is having the most horrendous temper tantrums, that often last for an hour or more. He trashs things, hits his brother, you cannot reason with him. He was always the "easy" one with the slow fuse, I now feel my child has been kidnapped and this horror put in his place. His twin is cheeky and naughty at times, but nothing like this. He is doing well at school, he was being bullied, but this has now stopped, its just he is making our home life a misery! Help.
Bubbyx

Help, that sound horrid!

Not much advice other than the stuff Super nanny would give - give him a warning about his behaviour then leave him alone and put actions in place afterwards that follow on such as no screen time for a day. Just make sure that you really do follow through

Also lots of love when he is well behaved

hope others on MN can be of more help

are you sure the bullying has stopped?

have you asked him why he behaves like it?

Does he feel like his brother gets more attention? I'm not saying his twin gets more, but that that is how he feels. Or, does he feel that he got more attention when he was being bullied that has now been "withdrawn"? (Still talking about his feelings, not your actions btw.)

Supernanny-style works for deliberate naughty behaviour but something about this smells like it has a different cause, iyswim.

He needs consequences for destructive and aggressive behaviour. But can you also work positively with him on expressing his feelings? Maybe sit down with him 1:1 for 10m mins when you get in from school and chat. Then 10 mins with his brother. Equal amounts of time dedicated solely to talking about how they felt about the day.

If you want to structure it, ask them each to think of 3 bad things and 3 good things that happened since the morning. HTH?

Could he be entering puberty? I know nothing of boys but, my 9.6 DD is horrible sometimes. She is definitely on the way to womanhood.

Thanks for the advice, Yes, the bullying has stopped, thank god, as it went on for a long while. Also re attention, he has a few physical probs which did make him have more attention for a while, and his brother played up to get attention when we were dealing with these. Now, although probs will always be there, he is getting the extra help re physio/occupational therapy he needs, and I think thats why is is doing so well at school now.
We try to give them 1to1 but all he says is that he doesnt know why he gets so angry.
I spoke to the school nurse, and she feels it may be puberty, already the hormones are comming, and he is too imature to deal with it. Well, after a totally horrendous time last week, it has been calm since Monday- hope it continues, and is not the calm before th storm!

does he need abit more of your time and attention maybe?Is he jelous, exhausted or stressed? x

Hubby says we give too much attention to them both, and that they are spoiled! Maybe so, but it was touch and go with both of them for the 1st few yrs, so just glad they are here with only a few probs!
Thinking about it tho, he does get worse when I work longer, I do a job share, and have covered quite a few a/l days for my job partner lately, including working every day last week, so this prob didn't help.