is it just me or is attachment/unconditional parenting sometimes really really hard

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

have been quite down in the last week or so and am trying to work out why. Some of it is too many broken nights/ early mornings. Some of it (perhaps) is breastfeeding for 2 years OR beginning to stop breastfeeding. My feeling is that a lot of it is the strain of always being so f** reasonable all the time. When do I get to have a tantrum or to scream because life is not fair? Whose knee can I crawl onto to make it all better? What do you all think?

Sorry I don't really know what this is, however I think it's really important that children grow up with a realistic view of others, and no-one is reasonable ALL the time. They need to know when they push your buttons.

All parenting is really hard at times, just for different reasons.

But, I think you are doing your children a disservice by trying to be reasonable all the time. You need to teach them that you are a human being, and how to cope with human beings that have feelings and needs too. As well as taking their needs and wants very seriously, you need to teach them to take yours seriously!

Read 'Winning Parent, Winning Child' by Jan Fortune-Wood.

witch. it is hard. Two year's feeding to sleep an hourly waker was so hard (she's now in her own bed and sleeps through but if she does get up I let her in) that looking back I can hardly believe I did it. Plus getting up for a part time job at 5.30am.

I am lucky that my husband is a stay-at-home-dad by choice (although he keeps his hand in with two night shifts) and he is very very wedded to UP. He's such a natural at it that I'm in awe.

Plus it helps I'm pretty relaxed about things that would drive others mad. I don't care about dropped food, playing with water, climbing up on things. I'm am lucky that so far my child is very self contained and not mean or a hitter. So I don't have that to deal with.

I think the UP is/will be harder as it's an approach with no quick fixes and a longer slow burn... plus you will get ignorant people thinking you're a lazy motherfucker who lets 'their kids run wild'.

I have lost it once or twice. Frustration and lack of sleep and I am full of remorse. But like others have said it's the relationship you have every day that counts. They are clever, they can see when they've pushed you over the edge and that humans do lose it! So don't beat yourself up.

I am very human with my children, I would say probably too human. That's my character - I try to be an angel, but it just doesn't work. But as a friend told me recently, having a good row with your kids teaches them that it's okay to show your feelings, that you can have an argument, pick up the pieces and still all get on. I thought it was very sweet of her to turn it into a positive learning experience for my kids!

How will they learn to deal with others who are most definitely not unconditional?

if it is hard then it isn't suiting you and your family. so stop doing it.

a parenting technique should be the one that suits you and your children. not the one you think is most fashionable or whatever.

if its not working stop doing it.

What I think is that UP may make sense when you have a single little adorable toddler who is mostly amenable... but it is much harder to keep up with several stroppy school age kids with completely irrational, strongly competing and conflicting desires(none of which are easily compatible with your needs, either).

And this I strongly suspect, is why you find so many huge fans of UP who only have very little children, and not many parents of older children and teenagers who think it's a grand idea.