need help with 17 month old behaviour

[BOOMyhoo]

it sounds ridiculous but he IS a bad tempered baby. ever since he has developed his personality it has always been bad tempered. he has always tantrummed and he has in the last 2/3 months started hitting (the floor/other people/himself) when he doesn't get his own way or gets told 'no'. basically anything he doesn't like. he throws his food on the floor at meal times because he wants everyone else's food. it is now getting to the point where it isn't harmless anymore. he is hitting his brother and throwing his things. in fact anything that is near to him.

how do i stop this? if i don't he will be a horrible child. no-one will want to play with him, teachers wont like him. i cant let that heppen to him. i need to get him to stop this behaviour now. but how? i don't like the naughty step but i don't know how else to deal with him. he can't talk. he says 'na na' for everything he wants, food, toys etc.

I am sorry you are going through this. Kids do go through some pretty nasty phases and most will outgrow them.

At such a young age I am not sure the naughty step will work. In fact, the less attention you give the bad behaviour the better.

A simple no and remove him away from the person he is hitting or take the thing in his hand away. Give the other person all the attention. If he won't eat his food just remove him from high chair and eat your meal as normal. He will soon get the message.

thank you suzihaha. the thing is, I'm not sure it is a phase. i do think this is his personality and i worry about it always being there. i will try the 'no' and removing him. i really do dread him being just 'like' this. his brother is such an obliging child. i don't understand how tehre is such a huge difference in them.

It is funny; there's a massive difference in personalities between my two as well.

I guess if after a few months things don't improve, maybe speak to your health visitor or GP. At least you would be getting in early but it is hard to judge character accurately before the age of 3.

Also remembered, make a huge great big song and dance if he does do something right (eg plays nicely, eats food without throwing it) so he gets the reward of attention for positive behaviour.

Their presonalities can change tho.

DD was a fractious, aggressive, nervous baby and I really worried about how she would cope with life but now at 21 months she is a relaxed, confident, happy little girl.

In the last few months she has blossomed-it's really amazing how acquiring a little language and understading can transform them.

I hiope it'll be the same with your ds, (and rthat i don't sound too smug-I'll prob be posting about terrible tantrums next week!)

Your ds is still a baby. You can't reason with him, he cannot control his frustration as he doesn't understand!!! My dd is 17 months also and much the same as your ds. In fact she is bloomin high maintenance at times. She becomes hugely frustrated with her big brother and wants to be into everything he does, Lego, pens etc. She knows she can't have it and lashes out when told no. She can be quite nasty and has a terrible temper. She has hauled much bigger children off/away from whatever she wants. My son was such a beautiful natured toddler, he never hit me, he never hit anyone. He was afraid of his own shadow so it's quite strange for me too having such opposite children. But I know once she's older I can discipline her and she will understand the consequences to her actions. At the moment she can't control anything and doesn't know it's wrong. It's the only way she can express herself frustration as she can't talk. He is too young for the naughty step. Ignore him or remove him from the situation. I did this to dd the other day as she was throwing her food and fork on the floor and just put her down and we all carried on eating and ignored her tantrum. It's such a hard age. Give me a newborn or a 2 year old anyway!

sorry, Charlieboo, but am sitting here smiling at the image of your dd hauling much bigger children away.

My dd is still like that at times, in fact, poor ds (8) often says that she's bullying him!

They'll get their comeuppance at pre-school, eh?

Well as he is still a baby, really, he doesn't have much control over his emotions.

With DD I just removed her from her highchair when it became obvious she was just throwing food aroung to get attention- at the same time certain amount of that is normal, but you know, when it gets to the stage when they are not eating anything and tantrumming etc. Just put him down.

Same for hitting etc- they do know it's wrong, but can't really stop themselves-yet- so you have to be firm, say 'no' etc etc, remove.

Too young for naughty step.

I think kids have different personalities and it doesn't mean your ds will be a horrid 5 yo. Example- DS was a naughty, tantrumming, negative child- now he's 8 yo he's a pleasure to be around. DD is 21 mo and lovely,nice etc but showing certain determination and cunning that may well spell trouble for the future.

Do not worry too much- all you need to do is to not let him 'win' iyswim, stop from doing the damage, ignore when possible.

Yes pink... Seriously she is afraid of no-one and in the ikea play area a 3 year old was on the rocking horse she wanted to be on and just got hold of her top and pulled and screamed with all her mite. She is incredibly wilful!

I totally agree with you re a little bit of language.... Once they can talk things get much easier. My dds fave word at the moment is no funnily enough.

My eldest was watchful, easy and relaxed as a toddler but my youngest was a very frustrated toddler - very fast thinking and wanting to be like her older sibling. We started using time out (straight away with no warning/count down for hitting though) and giving tons more praise and attention. We gave her the words she wanted to use - saying them politely for her on her behalf. Playing with her more and having more fun together also helps. As does being patient,very firm but quietly spoken. She grew out of it very quickly once she could talk and is just lovey now but also very bright. I think she just got a head of her own abilities physically and language wise.

I have used time out for 2 mins with both my toddlers when they were aged 1 and a half. They are both bright and able to understand that naughty behaviour = time out. It's great as it's calm, fair and routine - I don't ever need to ever shout, get cross or smack. I just talked things through very simply after - then quickly move onto something else.

I have been trawling mumsnet looking for a post just like this!

I have 17 month twin boys and one of them is how you describe your ds and the other often copies him!

They are both so destructive too. If they can rip or break something by throwing/banging it they will, climb on anything they can get to, throw food and generally tantrum alot. DT1 will hit DT2 really hard with any 'weapon' he can find. They both treat other children the way they treat each other which makes toddler groups/outings hard work.

I have recently been trying a variation on the naughty step and i'm hoping if we are consistent that things will improve along with them getting older and moving onto a new phase! I get down to ds' level and give 1 warning to stop behaviour, if they do it again they are then removed and sat on hall rug with an explanation. Of course they dont stay there and I cant enforce that but I do ignore them completely (which they hate) for a minute then get down to level again and explain that they musnt hit/throw etc and we hug as a sorry and move on. I know they understand what I am saying even if they dont have the language themselves yet and like you I am worried about them being disliked by other children and adults and generally running riot with no control.

I have to believe it will work and they will grow out of it otherwise I might go crazy :)

I too have been looking for a post like this. My 17 mth old is running me ragged! I didn't have these issues with DD9. When he is happy (and getting his own way!) he is a lovely, jolly child, but the minute he is told no he throws a complete wobbler. I worry he'll stay this way. I was quite a smug parent before him! He is so busy all the time, into everything (particularly if it's dangerous).

TBH I'm so exhausted (right now he is bouncing around in his cot refusing to sleep) I am considering putting him into nursery and getting a job. For a rest.

emmasfabulous- thats exactly why I work part time for a bloody rest!

My DD is 17 months too and the slapping thing we conquered by ignoring when she slaps for attention, and lavishing her with attention when she comes up to us immediatley without slapping and when she slaps out of anger- telling her a firm NO.

She has stopped slapping now, thank god