6 yr old, behaves much worse when told off- how to cope!!

[onefunkymama]

Hi Folks

I have a very active 6 year old boy (very, very active) who is prone to behaving in an over the top way. His school have said that if he doesn't improve his behavour he will have to leave which would be a tragedy as its a Montessori School and there aren't any other around here at all.

The problem is made worse by his response whenever he's told off for doing something wrong. As soon as I (or his teachers) say to him that what he is doing/has done is wrong he gets even more naughty and difficult doing things like running out of the front door and down the street, throwing things, shouting, breaking stuff and hiding while laughing crazily.

We've tried every type of discipline we can think of from time out, confiscating things, talking nicely to him, and (shamefully) yelling at him nothing seems to get through at all.

If he's asked to leave the school his sister, who really needs to be there will also have to leave as its right out in the countryside and I couldn't get both kids to different schools in time for class.

Any advice would be very welcome!

We really need you collective wisdom on this!

Keep your front door locked. All the time. Ifear my DD would do the running off thing if mine was not always locked..I just turn the key and push the bolt through.

When he does his bad behaviour...do you pick him up and put him in his room?

I have a nearly 6yr old DS with similar behaviour, as in if you tell him off he gets worse and works himself into a state.

Punishments don't appear to work, and after finding out at school that he was being nasty towards his classmates, we had to find another way to tackle this.

We now have a 'friendly chart'. He gets points for telling us what he did at school that was polite, helpful etc. He will get a small reward on a weekly basis for collecting so many points, so the incentive is there to get as many points as possible.

Bad behaviour is ignored as much as possible, and he is told if he has nothing nice to say then don't say anything.

This has just started this week and the improvements are already appearing. He has nothing to gain by being naughty and everything to gain by being nice.

Hope this can help you, at least giving you other options to try.

have the school suggested anything?
do you think it's possible that he has some sort of SN? I only ask as my 5.5 yr old is similar and school have had the senco involved and things to ehlp out

Just looked at PDA, don't think its that. He's the same at home, he's generally easy, very sociable, makes friends easily etc its only when he's done something wrong that he goes bonkers, as if being told off sets off some panic that makes his behaviour disintegrate.

@mumblingcloth, yes the doors are locked, I have put in his room, last time he threw every toy, and the toy box down the stairs. he has a rather dangerous attraction to windows too, so leaving him upstairs is something I hestitate to do when he's lost it!

The school hasn't suggested more than 'keeping an eye on it', they are very small and don't have a SN teacher as such.

I like dibdabs suggestion of a points system. We've been trying explaining that he makes the 'telling off' worse when he goes bonkers and I think its having, a very tiny, effect ...