help re. reward charts!

[roundthehouses]

So we have used a calendar/ stickers before to chart ds´ progress in sleeping in his own bed all night before and after going backwards a bit re-implemented it this week.

he´d slipped right back so at the start of the week I said "right. if you manage every single night this week in your own bed, at the weekend there´ll be a surprise present for you". Well i really didn´t think he´d do 5 nights in a row. i don´t think he has IN HIS SHORT LIFE (3.5yrs). Lo and behold he has seen the consumer potential and wouldn´t you know it found the willpower to stay in his bed every single night this week. Presuming he does the same tonight he is due his surprise tomorrow.

but now I am in a quandry. What size surprise does it have to be? Too crap and he might just think "well that was pointless to hell with this i´d rather sleep in your bed" and too expensive and I can´t keep up with it!

Can´t help feeling i´ve missed the point. Or if he´s managed this week do I now make it 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks in a row before he gets his reward?

How about something like CBeebies or Thomas the Tank magazine? Something weekly. Every week he sleeps in his bed, he gets the magazine.

Or buy a load of stuff from the pound shop and wrap it in bright paper. Put them all in a bag and he gets to choose a surprise each time. This works for my nephew as he knows the presents come from Aunty Pidj :) Nothing that cost more than a quid either lol

Don't go mad. My friend bought her daughter something very expensive for sleeping in her own bed. Guess how long she stayed there after the present arrived? A comic every week sounds good.

I did a 'getting ready in the morning' chart with my children when they were younger and wondered if I was in for buying a load of plastic crap, but discovered that sticking the stars on the chart was reward enough for them...

Too sad.

We do the playmobil specials for little rewards (they cost about £3) and then if three rewards are achieved, DD works towards a bigger (£10) playmobil for double the amount of stickers.

Having said we're doing it for potty training and she must wee 30 times a day now (whereas before it was 2 ) so I think there are limitations once they get acquisitorial.

yeah i was thinking a comic (i like the bag of surprises idea but fear that involves a degree of planning and forethought that is just beyond me right now).

I feel bad because it was a hard slog getting him even started on the right path with this idea so when we first started he managed about 2 nights the first week, 1 the next, 3 the next etc. very patchy. His big motivation was a Buzz Lightyear which he got for i can´t remember how many nights/ weeks. It WAS worth it at the time because his improvement was enormous. Unfortunately they aren´t stupid and now he wants Woody and is evidently now perfectly capable of/ happy to sleep in his own bed but knows he can use this to his advantage.

Just hope the comic isn´t too much of a come down even though he´s not actually had a reward at all for a couple of months now.

wmmc - I like the idea of having a more set guideline for him. So that would be like if he gets a sticker every day then he gets his comic at the weekend. If he has managed all the weeks in the month (or 3/4 in a row) he gets a bigger present?

Another thing you can do is give him a budget of say £1, £3, £10 and get him to pick one reward for each price range. Then put them away and draw up a reward chart, so he knows when he achieves the required behaviour he will get them. They seem to work harder if they have an eye on the prize.

Yeah that´s not a bad idea - what I don´t get is how i move towards him e.g. just sleeping in his bed because that is HOW IT IS rather than me having to bribe him on a weekly basis to do so?

Ah now that bit is easy. 'Now you have mastered that, the next challenge is to be a big boy all month. If at the end of the month you've been a big boy who goes to bed nicely then we will go out for the day and have a special time'. (Note no present 'special time' - gives you wiggle room - DD is convinced going to IKEA is special time).

And give a lot of praise for this. Make a huge effort to tell grandparents etc how clever he is doing this. After a month he'll get the idea.

okaaaay - if i still have you here can you help with this then? right now we accept him coming into our bed anything after 5am as a success. That sounds really wet but he slept in our bed every night until a few months ago and is himself very reluctant for that to change.

So would you say we work towards every night a week for several weeks, then every night for a month and THEN move the goalposts re. the start time i.e. okay now you have to stay in bed til we wake you up/the light goes on/ you hear the alarm, or should we implement that sooner??

Not qualified here - my 10 year-old still drops in for early morning cuddles. I shall miss her when she never comes in.

Little steps is good, if you're not comfortable doing the one giant leap thing.

Maybe he can come for cuddles on weekends but not weekdays? That means he's motivated to learn the days of the week ;)

Also, if he's not allowed in till half past 6, he has to learn his numbers and how to tell the time

Yes, get past the not going to bed nicely bit then tackle the early morning visits.

We solved that one btw by putting particularly appealing toys in DDs room after she was asleep (ie when we went up to bed) and she found them in the morning and played quietly. Then one morning she just slept till 7. Now we have to fight to get her out of bed in time for preschool!

Remember with parenting, 90% of it is just waiting till things change

just read snip its of advice given, but if your child has slept in your bed until a few weeks ago, have you tried getting him to play more in his bed, i used to get my lil boy to put his favourite toys to bed in the day for a nap so that he feels the bedroom is safe for him, maybe even a night light would help??

wmmc - Yeah I KNOW - I should actually have that on my fridge or as a cheesy phrase spelt out in letter blocks on a wall "90% of parenting it is just waiting till things change". too true.

Well he´s done really well, didn´t get his 5 stickers in a row, on friday he had a blip and came through at 1am but we went out and got him a Noddy mag and put it away telling him he had to get a sticker last night to get it today. So he managed last night too and I reckon 5 out of 6 is pretty bloody good so apart from a very early wake up (too excited to wait longer for the mag ) twas a result.

Shobbs - he doesn´t play in his room at all unfortunately, it is upstairs and we have a small playroom downstairs which is where he always plays. But he is fine with the room, he has lots of books and cuddly toys and current fave toys he takes to bed. Also has a night light. I don´t think he´s scared of being there, he´d just rather be with us! He also doesn´t know how to play by himself for 5 mins even in the middle of the day so i wouldn´t even hope he´d start doing it in the morning for a while yet, sadly.

5/6 is pretty damn good for the first one, and the Noddy mag obviously motivated him :)

Also, do not put it beyond the realms of possibility that he could press the red button. We have taught DD to turn on the DVD player (which always has sodding Thomas in) which turns on the TV and the DVD player together and she can just veg till we appear (rarely more than two minutes as DS then wakes up and shouts 'MEEEEE WANNNNTTTT THOMASSS WAHHHHH'!)