Angry 11 year old

[Butts65]

My first time on here and feel desperate for advice. My dd has turned into a nightmare who is either screaming and flying around the house or on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. She is incredibly shy - to the point of selective muteness - outside the house, even with grandparents etc and yet with her brothers is practically a psycopath. They are both very happy, outgoing boys and she appears to resent this greatly and constantly verbally (and often physically) attacks them, especially the 9 yr old who she often appears to genuinely hate. I have tried everything I can think of to diffuse situations but it is getting worse - she is rude, arrogant and quite simply horrible at times but then she screams how she hates herself. I am hoping it is hormonal but worry at times that she may have mental health issues as she just erupts. Any ideas?

I feel unsure how you know that she resents the fact that her brothers are outgoing...has she said this? Or have you drawn this conclusion?

She sounds terribly unhappy...is it possible she feel you judge her personality disfavourably in comparison to those of her brothers? And is reacting to feeling judged and not so loved?

Have spoken to her about this in an effort to get to the bottom of her unhappiness. She has admitted that she is jealous of the fact that they are more confident than her. I have tried spending time with her alone, which can be difficult as my husband works long hours and we both enjoy this but on return to normal daily routine the problems start again. As soon as she comes downstairs in the morning she is confrontational and as soon as she sees her brother after school she starts putting him down. She has told me that she can't handle it if things don't go her way and if someone doesn't agree with her she "loses it". I give her lots of love and attention and she says she knows how much we love her but just cannot control her temper