DS is 9 and has never really taken to DD who is 5. He is agressive if he doesn't get his own way, when asked to do something, refuses saying 'she isn't doing it', he manipulates her to do things he should do (putting his clothes away, picking things up,etc). He trashes her room, and then refuses to tidy it up, was this evening little event.
He is never wrong, it is never him, always someone else, he argues, is sly and lies (we know this, as his lips move!) and to be frank, I am at the stage where I don't want to be with him. Not bad for a nine year old!
We have tried giving him special time with both me and his dad (both one on one, and the three of us), and to be fair, when he is on his own, he is great company. We've tried to give him responsibility (chores) and appropriate rewards, but he just looses interest, then it is a fight to get him to do his jobs.
When I've discussed his behaviour with him, his response is either 'it's her, not me', or 'you love her more than me'. Hubby and I have tried explaining that she is 5 and has different needs, but we love them both; she doesn't get to go watch the rugby in the rain 
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During the last half term he went on a day camp, but unfortunately she couldn't go as there was not room. He didn't like this, and said he wanted to be here too, unfortunately, as his behaviour during the summer holidays was so bad, and I would be on my own during half term, there was no way I was looking after them both. He just couldn't grasp that his behaviour has consequences.
There is no happiness in our house, no joy. I can't remember a day when I haven't shouted at them (perhaps even screamed) at them to do things (stop arguing, tidy their rooms, brush their teeth, eat tidily, don't hurt the cat, don't hurt each other).
Sometimes after I have dropped them off at school, I want to just go. Just keep going, turn left, instead of right, and go. I feel like I have made a terrible mistake in having children, I am a terrible mum, and that they deserve better.