Seem to have lost all patience with my child

[lovemysleep]

Has anyone got any advice/strategies for trying to get back on track when your child seems to drive you mad all the time?

I have such a short fuse at the moment - she pushed me too much at bedtime tonight, and I lost it - screamed at her to leave me alone - so much that I've given myself a sore throat! She got upset, and I had to sit in a dark room for 5 mins to calm myself down.

I was, frankly, disgusted with myself - I had a chat with her afterwards, to try to explain why I did what I did - I also told her how much I love her, and that she has to try to listen to me more, and not push things all the time (pretty useless advice to a 5 yr old, I know!).

I've not had much time to myself for the past 2 weeks - with half term, and then she's been off school with a tummy bug (hasn't slowed her down, just diarrhea). I was fine over the Summer, and we spent more time together then.

I'm not working, as I'm usually an FE lecturer, only part-time, and they did not renew my contract, due to cutbacks. I miss my work - love the contact, and using my brain.

Also, we are currently beginning some investigations into my recurrent miscarriage problem - my last one was in June, I've had 4 in total. Last pregnancy was a surprise, as we weren't trying - I'd decided I couldn't face trying again, as I got so depressed after the 3rd one. I had got to the stage where I thought life was pretty peachy - I didn't want the disruption of another child, and I loved having time to myself. However, the 4th mc has made me broody - I'm 39 in Jan, so we are paying to get some private tests done, in the hope that we can get some answers and then ttc.

I know on paper that this is probably the reason for my lack of patience, as I am mostly pretty ok (apart from when PMT kicks in!). I seem to have lost my ability to cope, and I am so worried that I will psychologically scar my dd. What does this say about my ability to cope with another hild? If I can't handle one, how will I manage 2? I'm doubting so much about myself.

What does everyone else do when - and if - they feel like this?

First, don't get too angry at yourself, we've all done it, over-reacted and then been angry at ourself afterwards. You've got a lot going on at the moment.

A couple of suggestions - is there anyone you can talk to, share your problems with?

Also think about what triggers your DC's bad behaviour and if there is a pattern, like misbehaving at bedtime, try a star chart to encourage good behaviour and focus on the positive.

Lastly sounds like a girly treat for you both today after school or on Saturday is needed - even just a coffee shop for a very large slice of chocolate cake. Or some retail therapy for a small treat for the two of you. I like taking mine to somewhere like Lush for a goodie for the bath later.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You obviously have a lot going on at the moment and are bound to be easily upset and stressed.

I let rip at my dc's much more often than I should . I used to think I was very patient and tolerant and "good" with children (I had even planned to re-train as a primary school teacher).

When I feel myself starting to get angry, I try to imagine someone is watching (and judging) me and I try, often through gritted teeth, to keep calm and deal with things without resorting to my fantastic fish wife impression . If that doesn't work, I think apologising and explaining after can at least show our dc's that we are fallible and willing to try and put things right (maybe ?!). A treat today sounds like a great idea. As does the usual "rewarding good behaviour" thing. I tend to go really over the top telling her how lovely she is and how proud and happy she makes me when she behaves well.

Are you able to get a break at all ? It really sounds like you could do with a few hours to yourself.

So sorry about the miscarriages I had 3 before I had dd and I know how emotionally draining it is. ((hugs))

Shes 5 its a difficult age.

You are grieving miscarriages are bereavments and grief does dreadful things to us as humans added to that the tests as things need investigating - no wonder your stressed - go easier on yourself and you will find it easier to get along with dd.

Praise the lovely things she does and hold faith in the fact you have created one beautiful child you can do it again.

Remember you're the adult and try counting to ten when you feel a rage coming on; talk to yr DD, you could do it together.

Also O.P's; unconditional love is what it should be about not just when they're 'lovely'.

Sorry about your miscarriages :( I'm also going through a shit time (infertility and possible redundancy looming) so I can totolly sympathise.

When I find myself losing my patience a little too much with DD, I take it as a sign that I'm stressed and try and do something to remedy that - ie. try and get some childfree time (NOT work though) so I can relax etc. I find I'm MUCH nicer to DD after a day away from her I try and do this on a regular basis if I need too. Is this possible for you?

Thanks everyone - sometimes just need to dip into MN to realise that I am completely normal....well, on a good day ;)

Managed to get some time to myself, and dinner out with DH, so feel much better. Also, my work (I make purses - when I am disciplined!) has been accepted by an online company, so that has given me a different focus, and some sense of direction. It couldn't have come at a better time.

Thanks for all the tips - some of them I do already, but others I'll certainly try. I love being a mum, but it does knock you around sometimes.....patience seems the first thing to go.

Big thank-you again x