Angel at nursery, devil at home: normal? why?

[PrinceCorum]

So, my three year old son is, by all accounts, very well behaved at nursery (he attends just two days per week). Also, when friends occasionally baby sit during the day, they always say he's been good.

But at home it's a different story. Most mornings he wakes up in a foul mood and he hits myself and my wife and battles with us about getting washed and dressed. During his days at home during the week he can turn in the blink of an eye and go off on a major tantrum that includes hitting or trying to bite us.

Why would he be so aggressive and apparently angry at home and yet so good for everyone else and at nursery? And what can we do about it? Nursery don't use naughty step, obviously don't use any smacking, etc yet get good behaviour. We have tried naughty step/time out and looking hurt/sad, explaining - doesn't seem to make a difference. I might understand if my wife and I were constantly arguing and his home environment was turbulent, but it's not - we have a good relationship (my wife and I) and his home is comfortable and safe. I'm really puzzled and I know my wife feels hurt about why he is only ever bad for us and nobody else.

This is completely normal.
It's really hard at times, but many children are good outside the home and save all their tantrums and anger for mum and dad.
My own daughter is a devil for doing that and has been her entire life. (She'll turn 4 in a few days)
I'm afraid I'm not aware that there's an answer for it, but you can be happy that you don't have to deal with the embarrassment of him pulling tantrums etc at nursery and with friends. At least he makes a good impression outside your home.

My 3yo is the same. Angel for nursery/others looking after him, saves any tantrums for me. It is normal that children save all this and only 'let it out' for their parents. I think it is actually a fairly good sign (not that he is misbehaving for you but that he knows somehow not to behave like this in general) because I think if he were to behave like that all the time even with nursery/other adults it could indicate a more significant problem with behaviour rather than just a normal strop.

Perfectly normal, my ds is the same (and i work in a nursery!). Its just because they feel comfortable to show their worst side for you. If he is an angel at nursery then your obviously doing a fab job.

My DS1 is just like this - he was an absolute angel at nursery, to the extent that when I told his key worker how hacked off I was with him pushing his baby brother over, she didn't believe me, as she couldn't imagine him doing anything wrong like that!

I consoled myself with the understanding that it (a) is normal and (b) means that they feel very loved and secure enough to let rip with you. It is a pain, though, so sympathies.

Oh, and DS1 was an absolute sod for battling about getting dressed, in particular, when he was 3. Very tiresome. But he grew out of it. Promise.

My dd1 (almost 4) is exactly the same, and I absolutely agree with those that have said it's because their children feel more comfortable to (ahem) be themselves at home. I've noticed that dd's behaviour is often particularly bad just after I collect her from nursery, and sometimes wonder whether she's simply letting off steam after having been forced to contain her moods/frustrations etc whilst 'out'. She wouldn't dream of playing up at nursery & was once mortified when we bumped into one of her nursery assistants whilst she was having a full blown tantrum in the local park! On a positive note, her behaviour at home has definitely shown a big improvement lately as she approaches her fourth birthday.

No words of comfort or wisdom, just those of solidarity. Our 9.6 is exactly the same and always has been.
All you can do is count the days until they leave home.

My DD is very bossy at home, her way or the highway but when I asked how they fare with her bossiness in her nursery they were really surprised. Apparently she is very considerate and well behaved.

I remember when I was around 10/12 years old my parents were surprised that I had any friends at all because I was a complete nightmare at home.
I thing regardless of age, children always save the worst for their parents.

Not quite the same, but at DS's nursery parents evening this week (he's just turned 2), I asked how he was napping there. I've given up trying to get him to nap at home - it involved physically holding him on the bed while he screams at me for over half an hour, so I just couldn't do it. They said he was known as one of the easiest children to get to sleep, when he knew it was naptime he ran over to the mats, and was asleep peacefully in less than 10 minutes.

Bah.

sometimes the reason can be very clear if you can see what they have to put up with while at nursery and then again when at school. After helping out occassionally I find it helps as a useful reminder and I have ended up giving them surprise treats to enable them to get rid of their frustration. Having said that sometimes it can be because it tires them out. As working adults, how many times have we woken up not looking forward to what lies ahead on particular days or weeks even.