Imposing a milk feed routine for 13 month old?

[ToysRLuv]

13 m old DS has always been leading us in what he wants and when (milk, bed, entertainment, etc.), although it still involves some guess work. I have been happy with this (I tend to be more of an attachment style- than routine loving parent), but I am now at loss at what to do. I should transfer to using cups for milk and get rid of the bottles, but DS's milk consumption is quite variable and he tends to have it in smallish amounts all through the day (whenever I think he might want it - sometimes he does drink a bit, others none at all). He has a fair bit before bed and then a fair bit during the night (two feeds of formula at the moment, as could not really give him cows milk from the fridge, and can't be bothered with heating it up while DS screams etc.).

Basically, my problem is that I think that offering milk from a beaker (he does not seem to like it), will make him reject all milk during daytime and drink even more at night (I don't think I am going to be brave enough to try to offer him a beaker at night!). I don't really want to night wean yet, although will try to do it in a few months if the situation is not better - just cannot face the crying right now - he is a bad sleeper as it is :(

I try to get as much food into him during the day as possible, but some days he just does not want to eat very much. I don't think this is directly linked with the night milk, but he is obviously relying on getting some calories at night, as he is having about 150-200 mils at night (quite a lot for him). Has anyone been in the same situation? Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do? He is my first baby and I feel confused most of the time. Should I try to impose a milk feed/beaker routine now or leave the situation to resolve itself?

I would be very thankful for your ideas, as all the theory in the world (belive me, I have read a LOT of it) is nothing compared to real life experience!

Well if I was you I wouldn't worry too much about a beaker over a bottle just yet, but I'd definitely be trying to drop the milk feeds, he seems very old to be having bottles in the middle of the night.

Give him an evening bedtime bottle and then offer only water during the night if he wakes? I think that's a common way to drop night feeds, but hopefully someone will have some better ideas. He really should be eating / drinking in the day now though, not through the night. You must be shattered!

Sorry, just saw the line that says you don't want to night wean But that would be my first choice for sure.

Thanks Privet!

Well.. I don't want to night wean, but might still have to.. Just dread the mayhem that might cause on his already bad sleep. Definitely do not want to do CC, so would probably have to cuddle and rock him for hours. I am going to have to transfer him from a Peke Moe to a regular sleeping bag, as well, because he keeps getting his hands free from the neck hole and then gets upset (he has only been out of the swaddle for 4 months). And we are going to be travelling a bit in the next few months..

I would continue to take his lead as you have been. In other words, don't worry about the beaker. My son is 16 months and still has milk from a bottle 3 times a day. Every month I offer it to him for a few days in a sippy cup. One day he'll actually drink it!

I have no opinion on the night feeds as my son hasn't done that in ages!

Toys, I wouldn't do anything until you feel ready to cope with dealing with his night feeds.

This is very good. Its aimed at bfing but alot still applies to ff children so thought it would be of use.

I think you need to stop him getting all of his calories at night before you concentrate on ditching the bottles, they seem to be two different issues and I'd deal with them one at a time.

Have you tried giving him a bottle at 7am. One after his lunch and one before bed? I'd also offer him more meals during the day, if that's possible.

When you are travelling I can imagine giving formula in the night with be a real faff.

Thanks for your thoughts, Tee and INSS! I know I will have to deal with the night feeds, but keep hoping that they'll sort themselves out. DS was down to 1 feed at night for a long time, but now up to 2 again. But, having said that, he only woke up once last night (hurray!), and very very very very occasionally will also sleep through. I have learned not to get my hopes up though, as it can be followed by a truly atrocious night with absolutely no sleep (with DS wanting to be cuddled for ages, but gets excited if brought to our bed, so co-sleeping is a "no go").

Will be going to my parents for two months around Christmas, so could attempt night weaning then (if not before), while I have help during the day (and can have a snooze if needed :) )..

What comes to the nightly ff: I just mix a ready measured powder from a container to a bottle of ready measured cooled boiled water, so it's not so bad. Can do it in a few seconds at DS's bedside. Only am now starting to resent washing and sterilising bottles, especially when most of the parents (of same age babies) I know are boasting about how much easier it is without having to bother with the bottles any more (and CERTAINLY NOT at night). I guess my DS was never a particularly easy baby (and never conformed to the development charts in baby books), and will continue to be a bit more sensitive than others.. HVs also stress about getting rid of bottles, because of effect on teeth, etc. Feeling a bit like me and DS are both failures.

Please don't feel like a failure and don't listen to the other parents, you know your child best.

I really do think the night weaning and bottles issue should be dealt with separately. My friend's DD kept waking for milk at night, she increased her food intake during the day and it worked for her.

As for his teeth, I'm sure you're sensible enough not to leave the bootle in his bed or let him have it in his mouth for long periods and you clean his teeth often. Bit unfair of your HV to make you feel like that.

well my DD is 2.3 and still has her bedtime milk in a bottle :) Every now and then she'll have a cup of it but I can't be bothered to have a battle about it as can't see any gain for anybody really.

You don't need to sterilise the bottles anymore though, after about 6 months old there's really no need

Just to say, my 15 month old DD still has a bottle at night, and sometimes 2 feeds overnight/first thing in the morning. She eats well, but clearly still needs the milk. Whether that's more for comfort is beside the point.

She drinks from a cup during the day.

We've been baby-led so far, so I'm not planning on pushing her to drop bottles or feeds.

We stopped sterilising at about 11 months. Just make sure the bottles are washed well and that's it. Much easier, especially when away.

Follow your instincts mama x

Thanks everyone! Will try to not worry too much just now, and just get to the routine of offering DS 3 milk feeds during the day (has worked well for the last 2 days) in bottles (for now), and try and get as much food down him as possible. He's not a big eater, though, and can't be made to eat more than he wants to, even though I try to spoon feed him on top of what he can eat with his hands. He is a bit of a snacker/grazer. But I can see where that comes from looks in the mirror :P

INSS: I don't leave the bottle in the cot - not that it would be of any use, as DS won't hold his own bottle (probably partly due to the history of needing to be swaddled for a long time). So, I guess were not as bad as we could be on that front :)

Tillymama and Privet: Was told by a HV that as long as you are using bottles, you should sterilise, but I know it's probably nearly poitless (just have a horrible image of DS projectile vomiting at 5 months, when he had a tummy bug, playing in my mind - so, am a bit irrational about sterilisation.. he does eat all sorts of rubbish and tiny pebbles from the floor/garden, so couldn't be worse than that really :D ).