Separation anxiety.

[SirBoobAlot]

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

I think I may actually go mad. I cannot even have a wee without there being hysterical screaming, even if I sing to him whilst I go. He screams to the point of the gasping for breath, the shaking, real tears.

I don't know what I'm looking for exactly. Some sanity and some reassurance that This Too Does Pass and that it won't last forever, because it fucking feels that way at the moment.

How old? Take him with you! Problem solved! It will pass, but it may take a while!

Yes, what age is DS?

He's just coming up to a year.

I take him some of the time, but on occassion its just not possible or practical, especially if I'm using my stick inside.

DS went through this too. I had to tell him "I'm just going to the other room. I'm coming back." every time. Then when I got back I'd say "See, I came back!"

I can't remember how long it lasted - 8 months or so I think, although during that time a lot of unsettling things happened as it started around the time I split up with his Dad. It was on and off during this period as well. Sometimes he was happy as long as he was with someone else he knew like my mum or sister.

I think the important thing though was to try and remember never to sneak off. It might be easier for you at the time (as I was persuaded by a few people!) but it doesn't help in the long run as it makes them more clingy/paranoid that you're going to disappear.

Thanks for that Bertie - I have been sneaking off on the advice of other people when he's being left with someone, though if its something like me just ducking out of view for a second I have been saying "Mummy is just going to do X". I guess that makes sense... Thank you.

And am glad to hear its not just him He was getting so upset, my mums comments of "you should have put him on a bottle by now" felt like they were biting me in the bum, so to speak!

I never understood why sneaking off is supposed to be the best thing to do, why does everyone insist on it? Key phrase is really helpful though, like "I'll be five minutes" (regardless of how long you will be) or "I'm coming back" or the favourite with the creche staff at my children's centre "Mummy's having a cup of tea". Simple short phrases that you try to use every time are easier for them to understand :) Basically this stage lasts until they grasp the notion that if you go away you will be back at some stage.

It's definitely not just breastfed babies that go through this BTW, all the babies in my NCT group went through it and I think there were only 3 out of 8 of us still breastfeeding at one year - most stopped at around 4 months as well so the babies probably wouldn't have remembered. Interestingly even the ones who were at nursery from 6-9 months went through the stage, it's a developmental thing (and definitely This Too Shall Pass!) :)

I remember once reading that you should always tell your child when you're going away and that you'll be back. It didn't say what age to start, though, so I did it right from the beginning.

I felt a bit telling a baby - I'm going out of the room for a minute but I'm coming back. But at some point it must have become useful.

Having said that, my DS did struggle with separation anxiety on and off as he got older, but it passes after a while and he's fine again.