Think dd1 is stressed

[Dawnybabe]

We recently moved house, she had to start at a new pre-school, although she started in sept so she had a break from the old one, and she also now has a room to herself instead of sharing with dd2.

She wets herself all the time without apparently even noticing, when she'd been pretty much dry for months. She won't even go into her bedroom if it's dark and has to sleep with the lamp on. Not extreme symtoms I know, but definitely odd for her.

I'm worried that in all the fuss and excitment of the new place we've neglected her needs and she's actually a bit anxious underneath. She says she likes her new school but she has also said that she misses her old friends. She says she likes her new room but she cries if the lamp doesn't go on quickly enough. I think we've just turned my little girls life up side down and expected her to carry on as normal, and I don't think she is.

Have absolutely no idea what to do. Keep trying to give her extra attention, without making it obvious, but then she can be so naughty at times that it's hard to spend quality time together. Dh thinks nothing of sending her to bed without a story and once I heard her crying for me to go up and read a story, which I did obviously, but dh gets cross and insists she understand that she's been naughty, ie, face the music so to speak. I think we should be a bit more gentle with her a the moment, and relax the naughty step etc a little bit.

Feel concerned that she's just not quite right but not sure what to do about it.

My dd became stressed when we moved 4 years ago. She also began wetting herself and behaving badly.

Go back to basics with the wetting - star charts, rewards
Perhaps she wants to share with dd2 for a while until she gets used to the new house
Be gentle with her for a while

That's what we thought. We asked her if she wanted to share with dd2 while we decorate her room but she said no. She'a also an absolute pain in the arse to feed at the moment. Whatever I offer she doesn't want and we have such a job getting her to eat sensibly. Usually we give in and she seems to live on cereal bars, fruit sticks and youghurt. I think this is all tied in. Am getting so worried about her.

Dawnybabe - your dd's behaviour doesn't sound abnormally anxious for a young child who has just moved house, changed pre-school and gone into their own bedroom for the first time. Just a thought - could your anxiety about her anxiety actually be exacerbating or prolonging the issue, though? If you treat your dd as though she has something to be anxious about and that her wetting herself is worrying rather than just one of those things that can happen for a while when you're in a new place, it is sending out a bit of a message to her that she should be behaving differently. Maybe rather than making an obvious effort to spend more time with her (unless you have genuinely spent less time with her since the move because you've been busy, so that spending more time is actually just getting back to normality) and letting her get away with bad behaviour, you could focus more on the positives of the move and make her feel confident that you feel confident that she will just love having her own bedroom, being in the new house and making new friends at pre-school, etc, soon, and that it's perfectly normal not to feel like that straight away? In other words, maybe she needs to feel more confidence that her parents are confident that everything will be alright???

I suppose so rabbit, that could be it, perhaps I've been acting differently without realising it. I need to think about this one.

Thanks for all your replies though. Hugs and kisses!