4 year old being sick at school

[witsend70]

Hello

This is my first post here and as my username suggests, I'm at my wit's end!

My 4 year old started school this year and seemed to settle in well. Her sister is at the school and both attend after school club 4 days a week.

We have just discovered that she has not been eating much at school and has been making herself sick every lunchtime. This is a habit she got into whilst at nursery, it happened by accident when someone accidently took away her lunch before she'd finished. She got into such a state, that she vomited. She did try it at home when she couldn't get her own way at mealtimes, but we managed to nip it in the bud after she started instructing me how to rub her back and hold her hair back - I knew she wasn't really sick at all.

She is quite an intense/full-on child (but confident and happy) with a big personality that is sometimes too big for her to handle. In addition to this, she is quite sensitive to noise (though funnily enough - not when she and her sister are screaming with laughter!). The school is quite large, therefore noisy at lunchtime which she doesn't like.

The teachers have been great and very supportive. They tried sitting her with a teacher, then on a "quiet table" with a few other kids, but none of this has worked. She says she is sorry that she can't help it and I believe her, but I want to nip it in the bud before it becomes a real problem.

After trying different approaches I spoke with the teachers and advised a firmer approach - a kind of short, sharp shock. They wouldn't tolerate her spitting or kicking or other anti-social behaviour and she needs to know this is not acceptable either. I know this sounds harsh, but she is the kind of child that responds well to firmness and structure. This worked for the 2 days they tried it, then it was half term, so it lost momentum. She was worried about lunchtimes yesterday when we were preparing for back to school and today has been sick again :(

I don't know what to do for the best and am very worried she will make herself ill. I really just want to help her get over this as quickly as possible, as it's creating an issue for her and I want her to be happy at school. I have considered seeing my Doctor, but I think at this stage going down a psychologist route might be counterproductive.

Sorry for the ramble, but any thoughts would be gratefully received. Thanks in advance :)

Many years ago my DB was being sick at school but not because he was ill. I think one suggestion that the school had was to put a toothbrush and toothpaste in his bag and then if he was sick, rather than mum going to get him, he could clean his teeth and then get back to class, more to break the cycle of being sick and getting to go home. Would this work for your DD if she needs firmness, sort of an 'oh dear, you've been sick, well go clean your teeth and then you can come back to class' sort of thing?

Might be worth seeing the GP or even the Health Visitor, they might have some advice without sending her to a psychologist.

Why do you not want to go down the psychologist route?

Thanks for the replies :)

BF, she gets herself into a mess and needs changing each time. She is not overly keen on brushing her teeth as she gags easily. I used to retch at the slightest thing at that age - people speaking with their mouths full etc and she is the same.

I asked the teachers not to focus on her and be kind of brisk, as if they are not paying attention to it - kind of in the way you avoid eye contact during "controlled crying"...
Thanks for your suggestions.

QS, I'm not adverse to therapy, but I honestly don't think it's a deep issue but think it could become one if we start taking her to weekly appointments to over-analyse it, if that makes sense....

Could you go in for lunch or could she come home for a bit just to break the cycle.

My friends daughter did this for most of reception but did get better when she was left to sit on her own to eat lunch with a bucket by her side. Sounds awful but she used to get so nervous of being sick it became a vicious circle and if she knew she had a bucket to be sick into it would reassure her that she would be ok, its a bit of reverse psychology but it worked for her.

Well, to be honest, I think a child who is deliberately vomiting in a school setting to get her own way, is a pretty big issue. I reckon she is causing the other children and the staff much distress, so should have to be dealt with pronto.

Is she otherwise happy at school?

Is it only during lunch she is trying to rebel against her environment in this manner, or do you think it could evolve to enter the classroom and the teaching situation also?

Is it the actual food? Does she have packed lunches?

Danthe4th, I can't go to school as I work 30 miles away. they rang me the week before HT to collect her as she needed cleaning up. When I got there, they had managed to sort her and I saw her skipping down the corridor smiling. She asked if we were going home, I said not until home time and she smiled and said "ok!" and was happy as larry.

QS, She is anxious about being sick and gets very upset, she said she can't help it. I don't think she is deliberately doing it to get her own way. She is otherwise happy at school and the teacher said she is a "delight". TBH, I think she would prefer to not eat at school to avoid the whole issue altogether. She doesn't like talking about it and gets distressed, so I just want to know how best to help her make it stop. Plus I am concerned for the other kids and the staff who have to clean her up. I have to say the staff have been fantastic and assured me it's not a problem and they will "nurse her through it".

On the 2 days before half term that she wasn't sick, she couldn't wait to tell me and was delighted with herself. As she's only 4, I don't want to mess it up by talking to her too much or not enough about it....

Bigchris, she was on school dinners, but was taking all lunchtime to eat it, so we put her on packed lunch. She has insisted on 1 plain sandwich and a drink as she's scared of being overfaced, then sick.

I have to add, that she eats heartily at home and everywhere else, but is a grazer, so I didn't know if it was the brisk nature of the dining hall that was causing her distress.

Thanks for the replies, it's reassuring to know others have been through similar :)

If she needs cleaning up then there needs to be a few changes of clothes at school as well.