Selective Mutism at 3 or just very shy?

[Happygochuckie]

Hallo All!
Wondering if anyone could give me a little advice? My niece (2.11) is a lovely, very bright, bubbly little girl. She is the chatterbox of her house and of my parents house, always laughing, chatting and even screaming as three year olds do, no problems in hearing her own voice at home, and even shopping or day trips she is often chatty and secure. But at her day nursery it is completely different, she is recently moved up to the pre-school room where she is virtually silent all the time and doesn't really participate unless she is left alone. I work at the nursery she is at (though I am based in another room) but when she sees me there she will talk and tell me what she has been playing, to her keyworkers surprise! She has been at the nursery since she was a year old, but she used to talk a little in the earlier rooms, but the older she has got, the less she is talking there. She also doesn't talk for adult relatives (excluding me, our other sister and brother, our parents and grandmother as we live very close by) and doesn't talk at church, but since she doesn't know these people very well, we can understand this and aren't worried, its just nursery we are baffled by.

My sister and her hubby have heard about the condition and are getting concerned. I as told that selective mutism isn't diagnosed til chidren are at least 5? But it does sound very close to her situation.
Or are we worrying about nothing?

*sorry tying error - I was told that

Ahhhh no-one have any tips? Ok then

Hmm, tricky. Sure some others will be along soon. I used to work with a girl with selective mutism, she would quietly talk with her friends but hardly ever to any staff in the whole 7 years she was there. i think it was almost encouraged by her MOther to be honest though too. If we spoke to her when he Mother was there she would not answer us at all and her Mother would ignore us too and never say anything to the child or encourage her to answer us. Have you asked her why? Hard though as you don't want to turn it into a big issue. Maybe she is just incredibly shy? Though a little odd when been there so long. A lot of different staff at all?

My DS was selectively mute for the first two terms at nursery, and for the first two terms at school too.

He would happily chat to me and immediate family at home, but he was also selectively mute if we where out of the house from the very start that he could talk (he didn't utter a word, or even babble, as a baby and didn't speak till he was 18 months to me). He would only wisper in my ear if we where out and he had to talk to me, he would blank anyone else, including other family members, and even to me sometimes talking was too stressful and he opted to 'Meow' like a cat instead.

In public if he was very very stressed by someone talking to him he would also 'meow', which I knew meant he was under a lot of stess.

I tried to not make a big deal out of it, never made him talk or put pressure on him to talk or answer anyone, never labelled him in front of anyone (either as shy or as SM) and eventually he just got better and better at talking.

Now, at 7, you would never know he was once so reluctant to talk in public.

You don't need it to be professionally diagnosed unless it carries on past 5 yrs, as they will usually grow out of it.

Don't start asking the girl why she is not talking, it is her way of having some control over her situation and questioning her will only stress her out.

Tell your sister and BIL not to worry too much, and that, given time, she will probably grow out of it.

Thank you all for your advice, its great to hear personal experiences as I we don't know anyone with the condition. I guess we are being over-cautious, as she is still young, so ill try not to make a drama of it, especially in front of her. Spoke to my sister this eve, and she said she is going to give it 6 mths, to see if things improve at nursery on there own without any positive encouragement. Maxybrown, she has had a change in staff very recently as she moved into the next room up, and in the room where she was before (2-3) her keyworker did change a couple of times as staff went on maternity. Her third birthday party is next week so we are crossing our fingers she will come out of her shell a little bit, but...not too expectant of course. Honest thank you for your points of view