Whining driving me NUTS

[LauLau15]

Hi all, Please please can someone reassure me or give me some tips on dealing with my DS who constantly moans and whinges, all the time, there is nothing in particular he wants, not hungry, thirsty or dirty nappy. cannot understand it. Even when i am playing with him he whines. He is 2 and 6 months old. talks well, eats/drinks well. Not interested in the potty which is fine. Maybe its just a stage, but is it normal for a young lad to whine quite so much. Should i ignore it? Should i keep trying to solve the problem? Please someone tell me they are going through the same kind of thing!?

I have tried this: in a direct but calm voice you say

"please stop whining, I don't like it"

I got that from a book on behaviour and discipline. And it worked about 90% of the time with my then 2.5 yr old.

They aren't getting a reaction (losing temper or attempt to console) but they are getting a clear, reasonable request - or direction. You can follow it up with a "lets do this instead..." and redirect them.

Good luck

In my experience, whining is either an effective or ineffective way of getting a need met. It can be effective by getting others around them to do just what they want. Or it is ineffective - and they will try something else. (Best if you decide what the something else will be). Usually the child has learned that whining is effective, but they are not necessarily aware that they are whining!

So, what to do? The most effective response to whining is simple ignoring combined with diversion and redirection. They need to recognise what they are doing and try a different approach. What works for me is to say "I don't listen to whining". In combination with with a hand up stop signal. And then show him how you want him to respond instead. Be really literal and tell him, simply.

The other aspect to this I have found is that sometimes the whining is communicating that something just isn't right, they don't know what - and neither do you. I have tried a totally different tack with this, (combined with the explicit ignoring), by saying, "Sometimes I whine when I need a hug. Shall we have a hug?" Then I have managed to replace the whining with asking for a hug. It takes a bit of time.

This is NOT to suggest that you are not hugging him enough. It is about getting the child to try a different approach to get an (possibly) unrecognised need met. Knowing how you feel is part of emotional development, and young children like this do not know how they feel. Making a suggestion about how they feel, and what they can do, can help them to label and manage feelings as they emerge.

Hope this helps. I do sympathise. I really dislike whining. I find managing disobediance is far easier! Good luck.

I tell my whinging darling sons that I can't understand what they are saying when they talk like that and try not to 'answer' to their whinges until they at least speak in a non-whingy tone. It works well most of the time.

that is a good one, i shall incorporate!

I did that too, bicep - just insisted that I couldn't understand a word DD was saying when she whined. It really did work. I liked that approach because there was no need to lose my rag at all - just stated calmly that I didn't understand and she would have to speak properly. Good luck, LauLau :)

Thanks for all your advice guys, we have made a start with the suggestions and managed to have a pretty much whinge free day today :)

Is just nice to know i am not alone during this trying stage!

I'm glad to hear your efforts are working! Long may it last