"Send him back mummy"

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS2 is 9 months and DS1 is still having a VERY hard time welcoming him to our family.

Ds2 isn't isn't crawling but I am dreading it as DS1 is having major sharing issues with him now!

Ds1 crys to be picked up when I am holding DS2, tells me to put him down, pokes him, doesn't take great care around him etc.

He does ocasionally ask to give him a cuddle.

Today after a bad day he said to me "Send him back mummy"

:( I thought they would be great friends now I feel like I could never have a third child :(

Anyone experienced this? Does it get better??

HOw old is DS 1?

yeah we had this, really badly

ds1 was 2yrs 9 months when ds2 was born and he just wasn't ready for a sibling.
he didn't want to be a big brother he said, he didn't want the baby.

he begged me to send the baby away when he was born

he is now 5.5 and ds2 is 3 and he STILL resents him.
we had a lot of violent behaviour towards him including pushing him down the stairs.

this all souns awful but actually things are gradually changing. today he even said he loved his brother and tried to hug him! sadly ds2 is now so wary of him he screamed and tried to get away

I think now that ds2 is old enough to properly play games and interact with him ds1 is finding him much easier to get on with. and there are occasions when they will play very nicely together, and hopefully we can build on that.

ours had a bad start anyway tho because ds2 was a very, very high needs baby and tbh ds1 did get left out a lot and I feel terribly guilty about it

i DID go on to have a third child and both the older boys love him! strangely enough

Yes it gets better.
I used to worry that my DD would find someone who would take her up on a swappsie.
At 4 1/2 she was all for trading him for a range of random items, from a guinea pig to a large beanbag.
Just grit your teeth, be fair as you can with your time and wait for the situation to stabilise.
There are a lot of different strategies you can use to ease the transition. I recommend wine and chocolate for you.

So may not be so bad having a third then! DS was 2:3 months when DS2 was born. He is now coming up for 3. I can see sharing being a major issue although TBH we are working on that skill still anyway.

Wine and Chocolate needed!! Its hard at meal times/bedtimes, terrible if I'm on my own as DS1 often has to wait on his own, perhaps to finish his tea whilst DS2 is so tired given up on tea and screaming for sleep etc. I hate the morning routine as well as after breakfast and bath DS2 wants to sleep so by the time I have feed him and put him to sleep, I then need to get dressed and DS1 is still on his own waiting for attention.

I need to change the routine don't I!?

Ds1 was 2 years 8 days old when ds2 was born and he hated him on sight. He was soooo jealous it broke my heart. He used, amongst other things, to pretend to hug him just so he could pinch him around the back of his neck.

Fast forward to now ds1 is 8 and ds2 is 6. The are inseparable, share a bedroom, hate to be apart and are so bored and fed up whenever they have to be for any reason. Of course they still fight like cat and dog, but only in a typical siblings kind of a way.

They also have a 21 month old sister who they both think the sun shines out of. Ds1 in particular is her biggest fan.

So yes, it does get better, but I do understand how you are feeling about it at the moment.

Have you tried spending some one to one time with ds1, perhaps at the weekends and doing something he really likes to do. It might help to make him feel he can still have all of you - at least sometimes.

Also, hate to say it as it sounds awful, but really isn't, it might help to prioritise ds1 over ds2 sometimes eg getting ready in the morning and mealtimes. It really won't matter if ds2 stays in his pjs a bit longer while you give ds1 some attention, but it might help ds1 feel less sidelined. In our case dd has had to fit in around her two brothers and the school run etc. Obviously they have to be washed, dressed, fed and at school on time, so she just has to wait a while. As long as she has a clean nappy and something in her tummy she is fine and I actually think it has made her more flexible and laid back than her brothers as well.

Finally, be kind to yourself. As others say, wine and chocolate works wonders once they are all in bed. Its all perfectly normal and it will get better.

try praising DS 1 lots when you r actulling talking to DS2 - ie speaking to DS 2 say something like 'what a lucky little baby you are having such a nice big brother'or 'look at your brother climbing so quickly'.

also try to have some quality 1 to 1 time with DS 1 - do something nice like playdoe or making cookies. Have fun!

Keep telling DS1 how precious he is/how much you love him.

Can you try taking turns with toys so everyone gets a go.

Can you reward kind behaviour with a choc button?

I'm sure it will get easier with time

Thanks so much all. I have book myself and DS1 to see a show and have a meal out this week. Fingers crossed!!