How do you stop her being scared to sleep alone?

[Hildabeast]

My DD 4yrs used to sleep well, but started school which she has found a very anxious time. She has also started to want to watch CBBC instead of CBeebies as the latter is apparently too babyish. I don't let her her watch some things, but of course everything at the moment seems so 'grown up'. Some things I think she loves but stays in her mind.
She is coming into our bed in the night as she simply wont go to sleep on her own and will no longer go to sleep alone when putting her to bed, though it doesn't take long.

I have been lenient as it is such a difficult time, but worry that I am making a rod for my own back. Cannot bear the shouting and screaming and sobbing that it all entails. Have tried a clock that shows time easily with big sun at 5am when she is allowed to come in - she unplugs it and says it is broken! My husband is the other extreme and just shouts. What did you all do?

Well, I'm a bit of a softie when it comes to these things. My 4yo is usually a good sleeper but she has her moments when she needs a few extra cuddles! I would just go with it until she feels more secure, it's very likely only a phase.

I would take her back to her own bed every time and settle her there (quietly with no talking at all and all lights off to be as boring as possible) and make it quite clear she cannot sleep in your bed (unless you want her to sleep there)

I saw something today on Amazon here I think there is a book to go with it as well

She has the worry dolls, but thanks childrenofthecornsilk.
The posts are just like me, soft one minute and a strategy the next! Thanks for the replies.
Wonder if anyone has any advice on how to physically help her separate, she is like a limpet at the moment, wants me to go to the loo with her etc, Cannot move on my own and cannot count the times we have bumped as she tries to go through the door with me!

We have a bit of this going on - 5 yr old DD.

I'm afraid I'm a softie too as I remember being scared at night when I was little. But we also have a 4 month old, so my nights are sacrosanct now.

We're doing a sticker chart (gah - haven't needed one for over a year!) where she gets a sticker for every night she manages not to call out to us (she never comes to us at night as she's too scared to leave her room, bless). She knows she can call if she is feeling ill or very very scared - bit hard to quantify, we've discovered, but I measure it by whether it's just a friendly calling out of my name versus the blood-curdling scream of terror, which i would never ignore.

We also have instigated a two way intercom (bought for the new baby!) so we can speak to her at night rather than have to go to her. We haven't needed to use it since we started the new system, so something seems to be working. But my theory is that it would be much less interesting to hear my grumpy voice over an intercom in the middle of the night, rather than have the top class entertainment of seeing me/ DH come staggering into her room.

I've just noticed that she needs you to be with her when going to sleep too. We've slooooooowwwwwly withdrawn from this - i.e. I originally fed her to sleep (when she was much smaller!), then lay next to her as she went to sleep, then sat on the floor, then outside her door etc. And now she manages fine, just knowing there's someone around. She doesn't even call out now as she's settling herself. So I think whatever you're doing now, you're doing cos she needs it and as soon as you sense you're being taken for a ride, you start gradually removing yourself. So no rod-making as I see it, as long as you stay aware!

Ahhh, bless. How old is she? Is school just a bit too much? I would address this first before tackling the sleep thing. Once you feel more confident that she's not anxious and settled you can be stronger and stricter about staying in her own room for sleeping (as she was before).

I have had this too, with a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. It gets crowded.

Now, I stick strictly to a soothing bedtime routine, bath, pjs, stories, cuddles, lullabies, me hanging around while they start to doze off but I have also resorted to completely open bribery: "If you stay in your beds for 3 nights in a row you'll get a special reward"

then they get a chocolate cupcake or a small toy (couple of quid only) etc

In theory I was completely against this method, but I was insane with broken nights and being kicked randomly in the back, arse, eyeballs. And I can tell you, so it works. I have had 2 weeks of child free adult bed. Everyone has slept better. No injuries to report.

Well, it is really good to hear that I'm not alone in this and thanks for all the kind and helpful comments. Yes Tigger I have been much softer because I know school is causing free floating anxiety. It's just a tough one to know how long to let her settle and this to go on before it just becomes a habit. So many of you mention your own experiences and this really strikes home. I remember spending very anxious nights but my parents room was sacrosanct! It all taps in to your own stuff doesn't it?

My DD will only sleep on the outside of the bed so I get shoved in the middle and have woken this morning feeling as though I slept strapped to a scaffolding rod! At least I slept!