Expelled from nursery

[just5moreminutes]

My mother tells me I was expelled from nursery because I cried so much I upset the other children. I was a terribly shy child and don't want my DS to be the same.

We go to a mother and baby group and a singalong group once a week, but our families live a day's drive away and we only really see friends on a couple of occasions a month.

Am I doing enough socialising for him? He's 4.5 months and starting to cry when other people pick him up.

What did other people here do?

It is totally normal for children to cry when their parents leave them, separation anxiety affects some DC more than others.

Your DS will have phases of being more or less shy with other people. You can encourage him, but at the end of the day, it is a character trait not a failing of your upbringing if he is shy.

Keep going to your mother and baby group, and do get out of the house other than that but do not dwell on it.

that's mean of your mum to saddle you with that

it's probably the case that the nursery staff suggested you weren't ready, or similar

"expelled" fgs

your baby is 4.5 months, don't let this worry spoil things for you. He's tiny, he doesn't need to socialise other than with you.

he cries because he is developing a strong attachement to you. This will make him more secure and not less as he gets older. He is only 4.5 months so all he needs is what you are giving him

Take him out with you wherever you go. Having people cooing at him at this age may be enough for socialising at this stage.

I had the same worry with DD1, although I don't think I was ever 'expelled' from nursery (or if I was, my mother was far too sensible/kind to tell me). But DD1 has grown into a really confident, social young child, even though she spent most of her first year with just me.

The childminder asked 'DS to leave' when he ws 7.5 months old !
D'you know, I was angry more than anything else!
He was 7.5 minths old ffs!
If she couldn't deal with a teething baby then I am glad that I had the opportunity to send him somewhere else!
He is 9 now, is really popular at school and has never had a falling out with anyone in his class.

I later saw the same childminder screaming like a fishwife at some of her chrges in M&S. Boy, had I made the right decision!

You are doing exactly the right things.
Pushing a baby away at this age is not good for them, of course they form an attachment to their Mum

you're doing plenty he is only 4.5 months, very young

Try not to let what your mum said influence your thinking.

My DD was getting to the point where she wouldn't even go to her dad at that age. Then a family member had an unexpected CS so I moved into her hectic house for a week to look after her other DCs.

My DD moaned a bit at first but soon realised that company (even if it wasn't mine) was better than none and she happily went to whoever smiled at her after that.

Shyness can be overcome for many LOs, sometimes it's about picking up on your vibes.

At 4.5 months your baby needs no one but you. Babies need to feel strongly and securely attached to their primary care giver.

Socialising with other children obviously needs to happen, but at a much much later stage.

Don't worry about things now. You are all he needs

That's not a very kind thing of your mum to tell you (although I was brought up knowing very openly that I was an accident)!

I agree completely with other posters, it's a perfectly normal part of his development and nothing to do with shyness.

I was a terribly shy child, and although I manage better now, I am still essentially shy. My DSs (4 and 2) are both very ebullient and outgoing, much to my delight - so your shyness is not at all indicative of how your DS will be.

I didn't do tons of stuff with my 2 when they were tiny, just the odd mother and baby group, and baby massage (because it was free!) - spent a lot of time at home, just the 2 (or 3) of us. Am sure your DS will be fine with what you're doing .

Confidence comes from feeling secure. As others have said your baby is still very little and needs to know you're there for them.

The more love and reassurance you give your baby - and thru into toddler - the more confidence they will naturally develop.

Just by writing your concerns here I suspect you're a brilliant mum naturally so just keep going with your gut instinct and keep your LO with you as much as possible.
One thing that does work as preparation for later is to constantly talk to your LO about what you're doing, where you're going etc. ie. if you want to pop upstairs and leave LO at the bottom for some reason, they will accept this much more readily if they have heard this loads of times before and know you'll be back down again.

My DD became very clingy at 4 months and it lasted till she was 18 months. I don't say that to worry you, but just that it will last as long as it lasts and just go with it. You don't need to do loads of socialising at that age, in fact it might be best not to do too much. With DD it ended as suddenly as it started and she goes round saying 'hello, hello, hello...' (you get my drift) to everyone now (20 months).

Don't be pressured by family or friends. I had loads of people telling me to leave her with people, put her in a creche etc. which I knew would make her worse. Follow your instincts.

Felt I had to read the post as I have never heard of a baby being expelled of the nursery before. Now I have..

The other side of the story is that in few years time they will not be clinging to you any more, so might as well enjoy being the center of attention..

Thanks everyone!

I feel much better about it now. Mumsnet is ACE!!!