disrespectful 8yo-help needed

[igiveup2010]

namechanged for this one...

DS (8) is very disrespectful towards me. he acts more like a teenager than an 8yo. He argues with everything. He answers back in a cheeky tone of voice. He is rude and will look straight through me with a stony glare which can be quite disturbing.

He is such a good liar that we cannot tell when he is telling the truth.

He is like this with both of us but less so with his Gran and his teacher.

He has little empathy, never cries and thinks that the only reason why he should behave is to get something in return.

I've tried the usual techniques of a star chart, rewards, time out, removal of privilages, talking to him about it when he is calm but it only seems to be getting worse.

One friend thinks he should be assessed for Aspergers but I'm cautious about taking that step.

I'm worried about his long term future. If he keeps getting more like this he could be dangerous as an adult.

Any suggestions/similar experiences/happy outcomes?

It might just be a stage but personally I'd get him assessed for autism etc - especially if your freind suggested running tests. aybe go see your GP and talk to the school.

As CM and nanny and teacher, and parent IME a lot of 8yr olds are like this. IMO it is best to ignore the annoying attitude (he's experimenting ) treat him scrupulously fairly (with his brothers and sisters), give him responsibilities and plenty of TLC.AVOID CONFRONTATION (approach problems from a diff angle)

I've found that they really appreciate being taken into yr confidence esp. in relation to their lives;teach him to cook, design his room etc and he should respond positvely!

My 7 year old is like a teenager and I hear it a lot from friends. I've found the usual tactics don't work now.

We've been spending a lot of one-on-one time with his recently and it seems to be turning him around. And I agree about the giving of responsibility. I think they're pushing the boundaries more at this age, they're capable of more (and know it) and they don't want to be 'babied' or 'controlled'.

So I think the above, combined with clear sanctions when he's really naughty should help. And making sure you have enough sleep and can cope rationally when he's a brat.

I do have a friend whose son can be quite chilling. The above has really helped. He's very bright, but not emotionally mature (what 8 year old is?) and the combination, it seems to me, results in this behaviour.