HELP! PROBLEMS WITH CHILDMINDER

[babymama105]

Hi

I have one child who has just turned 3, I have just picked him up from the childminder - who he goes to 1 a week, 1 a week. She has told me his large motor skills are very slow and he can't do things the same as other children. I am panicking and also hurt and angry some of her comments like "I waited 10 minutes because he couldn't find his shoe box at nursery" I think this is cruel not helping him, she doesn't help him get dressed either. I probably do too much for him but he is still very young. He is bright, intelligent and is a great wee talker.

Do I approach her and tell her to butt out, I stood for 15 minutes yesterday while she told me about all the things he couldn't do!!!

Is it me or her or do I need to chill!!!

Can you tell her that you found her words very negative and ask her if she is more constructive with your son?

A three year old will be expected to do more on his own BUT learning to do things on his own should be fun and positive.

Thanks for your advice, it really helped!

Hi, I'm a childminder who presently cares for 2 x 3 yr olds & although they are quite often able to do things like dress themselves and remember where things are, this is often not the case, especially when they are just turned 3. With 'my' two, one was 3 in July & one in September, the older one is not as proficient at putting his coat on as the younger one but is more physically able in other ways. I wouldn't take your childminder's comments to heart too much, especially as you say he is only with her 1 day a week, however I would also say to her that you feel that perhaps he still needs help with some things & gently remind her that children all develop at different rates. Also perhaps you could reassess how much you help your son & how you do it so that he gradually learns to be more independent, a lot of praise for things done well even if only a small step goes down really well with this age!

Well when I told playschool that my 3 year old could dress himself they said that was really good and implied he was advanced. You know your child better and while a CM should point out if they think there is a problem, they should do it in a tactful and constructive way.

Thank you for your help girls!

YANBU, it really irks me how they expect a young child of 3 to do everything by themselves, my 3.6 year old can dress with help, but independence skills are on the slow side, but then I was too. There is nothing wrong with this, each child is different and some are quicker than others, does not mean there is a problem. I would talk to the CM about your concerns. Why did she not help him then! Surely its her job to help him learn in a positive way, not watch him struggle for 10 mins. He is only a baby!

I have the time during the day to allow children to do things independently. This could well mean waiting to for ten minutes for a child to do something but only if they are happy to continue trying. The look of triumph when they achieve the task is well worth the wait. If they become upset or ask for help I will always step in.

I would never dream of telling a mum that sort of thing. If I had concerns I'd make a time to chat alone and be very very careful how I presented my concerns. I would also make sure I had lots of strengths to highlight too.

I think you need to tell her how upset you felt about the conversation. Then I'd ask her to write down her concerns along with some clear examples so you can share them with your GP. If you don't share the concerns there's no need to go.

Next time she brings it up you can ask her for her written evidence.

It's hard to know how to express concerns as a professional and maybe she felt awkward and embarrassed and this meant she wasn't thinking very straight.

Don't forget that the more independent he is with dressing etc, the better he will cope at school. I know that seems a long way off but the sooner he learns to dress himself and know where to find his own things the better. This, of course, must be done with support, praise and encouragement which it doesn't really sound like he's getting.

I take the approach all in good time really. There are some toddlers/preschoolers who like to be independent and want to do everything themselves, they are usually quite advanced for their age, whereas there is my dd who is 3.6 has the patience of a knat. She capable of doing things by herself but on the first hurdle tantrums and cries. She also have social communication difficulties and motor planning problems so things will take longer than other children. She is starting to dress herself independently, with the minimum of help, like putting her top on her head and she will put her arms in the arm holes. She is not able to put trousers on but it will come in time.

The thing is I think that she can do it, but her patience is not very good. At times she can put her shoes on sometimes not. Sometimes she is a bit lazy and likes me to do everything. I think that once she starts school next September it will forceencourage her to be more independent.

Sounds as though give it time he will get there they all do.

GGGRRRRRRrrr!

I would smile sweetly and say "Yes, well, he has only just turned 3 and needs some help with x,y and z" Then perhaps add "they're all so different at this age, he is fantastic at....."

Ok, if he was 4 then she would be right, although I have to say I frequently wait 10/15 minutes at nursery for my son (just turned 4) who is very slow at doing things for himself. He does do them though!!!

I would say it's only been as he got towards 4 that he got more capable re dressing, shoes etc. I was probably guilty of doing too much for him but who cares, he does it all himself now.

Good luck!!

I would find another childminder. Your ds sounds fine but she sounds quite impatient

Agree with the last poster, find another childminder, she sounds impatient and uncaring.

Neither you or your child need her damaging your confidence.

Large motor skills indeed ! Do you think she means Gross Motor skills .