I need a quick solution to DS's behaviour

[NoseyNooNoo]

I'm having an operation in a few weeks which is going to pretty much put me out of action. I need to rest afterwards for a few weeks - near impossible with a 2yr old and 4yr old.

My 4 year old is pretty well behaved but I will have to get her to nursery each day.
The 2 yr old is a nightmare. He is naughty for the fun of it.

It hurts me to get him out of his cot in the morning. Then he kicks me badly whilst I cnage his nappy and get him dressed. He will generally continue to be naughty all the time he is upstairs and I will have to chase him to brush his teeth, stop him closing doors, dress him, change him etc. Then we go downstairs where he will struggle as I get him into chair, off of chair. He'll keep closing doors and have me chasing after him. When we take 4yr old to nursery he will not get in his car seat. He will end up at the opposite side of the car from whichever car door I am at. It will be impossible to get him in car seat (required for getting $yr old to nursery) once I've had the op unless he just gets in nicely. We have the same problem getting him out again. Basically the whole day he is being naughty. We went to toddler gorup this morning and he almost hurt himself very seriously. I can't just ignore him.

So, I've got 2 weeks to get him to have his nappy changed without bother, not slam the doors shut, get in car properly, get up to the table properly and generally do as he's told.

I do try to ignore poor behavior but how do I ignore him when I need him to get into the car or out of it. How do I ignore it when he has a soiled nappy and wants to fight being changed. How do I get him to do as he is told.

I reward good behaviour, I speak to him very quitely which gets his attention but he ignores what I've actually said. I do end up shouting at him. I have smacked his hand a few times when I need him to stop what he's doing to prevent an accident. I give him a choice of doing as I say or going to his cot - he is spending a huge amount of time in his cot!

Please someone help. I am at my wits end and there's no point me having the op if it will be undone by me wrestling with the 2yr old.

Anyone, please?

Oh gosh Nosey. I feel for you and to some extent can empathise. I'm just doing bedtime with my two cheeeky chappies then I'll be back. I just didn't want your post going unanswered. I'll be back . .

Is it a case of him getting lots of attention, albeit negative attention, for his bad behaviour? The chasing around, the wrangling over the car seat and nappy wrestling might seem quite good fun to a two year old!

I've just broken my sons bad behaviour cycle and it took a few weeks. I had to really sit down and work out what to do in any given situation. Most of all you must stay calm and not loose it.

Sounds like too much attention for negative behaviour - and the smaking/shouting are very much attention giving. Don't chase him around - if he doesn't comply does it really matter if he is sat starving in last nights nappy and PJ's while you drop your older son off? Don't make a fuss.

Don't give him a choice about going to his cot - instead calmly tell him what you want him to do and count to three. If he fails to do what is asked of him quietly/gently pick him up and stick him in a boring room (with shut door) for 3 mins or until he has stopped crying. Afterwards simply/quickly/quietly tell him why he was put in the room and then chat about something different like whats going to be happening during the day/who you are going to meet. If you have to be late to nursery so you son can do time out so be it.

Whilst doing the above you must also praise good behaviour and spend lots of time each day playing with him doing jigsaws/playdoe/reading/cuddling etc. Have fun with him/makes lots of fuss of him and soon he will be desperate to stay in your good books and get your attention that way. I know this sounds silly but your eyes will show him how you feel about him - just give him lots of loving looks and sweet squeezes when he is being great.

In relation to toddler groups - go and play with him while he is there. Move round the room with him and give him most of your attention rather than chatting to mums. Pretend to fill his little car with petrol or count his bounces on the trampoline. Enjoy his company. If he behaves badly tell him what you want to do -then count to three and time him out in a buggy outside or car seat away from people. Alternativley just take him home but give him no attention for the event.

Back again. I was wondering, like Scooter, if he is thriving on the attention?It's a real tough one. He is probably too young to understand a rewards system, and too young to understand why you need him to behave differently all of a sudden.

A couple of questions- Do you have any help you could call on? Do you have a choice about the timing of the operation or is it necessary in 2 weeks?

To me, you have to ask yourself how realistic it is to 'change his behaviour' in 2 weeks. From my own experience of having a pretty hard work, wilful and often 'naughty for the sake of it' child, it takes much longer to change the behaviour to something acceptable to you (especially in your post-op condition).

I'd think about which specific behaviours are an absolute no-no and have a zero tolerance on them. For the rest- try to ignore as much as possible and pick your battles.

Failing that, if you really need him to do something (get in the car seat) I advise bribery At the age of 2 it will hopefully work. After trying lots of things, it was one thing that worked ( -I know!) and now he doesn't need bribery as I can explain to him why I expect him to behave in a certain way.

I used maltesers/sweets etc literally dangled in front of his face and gave him the sweet as soon as he got straight into his car seat. If he messed about after a warning he didn't get it. And I followed it through.. If he behaved well I heaped the praise on then reminded him how much it helped me as I hands full with a new baby..

Worked well. I would only advise it in desperate measures but sometimes you run out of ideas and options.
Good luck

It sounds to me as if he wants you to play with him. Do you have play time with him regularly? Maybe when you get back from the nursery trip. I think that if you increase the amount of attention you give him when he is not playing up and ignore as far as possible the attention he gets for being a monkey, things will improve. Is there a medical reason why it hurts you to get him out of his cot? He could probably cope with a bed now. Is that also the reason why it is so hard for you to get him quickly in the car seat? Good luck

hows it going?

I'm replying on my phone so need to be brief but wanted to reply before I get chance to use the PC. DS definitely lover the attention. He thinks it's hysterical. I take on board though that I should spend more time playing with him. Yes there is a medical reason for it hurting me when I take him out of the cot which is being addressed by the op. It is certainly why I'm disproportionately upset by his behaviour. Luckily my parents have agreed to take DCs for a few days after the op but DS's behaviour still offer to be addressed. Thanks for everyone's tips. I shall report back.

Hope it all goes smoothly op included. x

Good luck and hope your op goes well x