Friend's child aggressive to my daughter

[ambientmum]

I'm having problems with a friend's 3-year-old daughter who is being aggressive to my little girl, also three.

Every time we visit she tries to shut the front door, saying that my daughter cannot come in. Once in, she snatches all toys, even daughter's special ones, but worse than that she pulls hair, pushes, tells her to go home and constantly makes her feel unwelcome - excluding her whenever possible if there are other children etc. I have noticed her do this to other children as well. She is such an unfriendly child, always scowling, never smiling, really difficult to be around. Her mum sadly rarely takes action, or does too little too late which is weird as she is such a nice and friendly person herself.

I just don't know what to do. My husband is not happy with the situation at all and I don't want my daughter to be bullied but am also scared of upsetting the mum by bringing it up at a difficult time or by abandoning her (she has just had another baby). For info: This behaviour pre-dates the baby.

Help!

I can't help, but I am interested in any advice given as I am in the same situation. I have started avoiding meeting my friend because of it.

We went through this. It helped a lot to meet on neutral ground - playground, park, erc.

Excellent advice from both MadamDeathStare and FlowerGarden. Your DD needs to know that you will protect her from monsters such as this. If you want to see your friend, make it a grown-up girly time - no children, proper adult chat etc and see other Mums with similar aged children for your DDs social development.

Yes we are going through this as well. We no longer spend time at friend's house and they don't come over here. We meet out or not at all and I must say DD2 has become much more confident around other children in the last few weeks.

Interestingly, MadamDeathStare, it is better when my 4yo is around (usually at school) because she does tell friend's child to knock it off.

Can't believe I'm reading this. "monsters such as this". She's 3! Judgy pants abound here.

I would tell her off! put her on the naughty step! i do it to my friends children if they step out of line! lol or say to your friend, i am a bit sick of your child hurting mine and you not doing anything, we are off!

my best friends child used to be just like this and was always extreemly aggressive towards my child. Even now my daughter has a scar on her face due to a face/eye scratching phase my friends child went through. we were very very good friends though so I'd just put her child in timeout - which is exactly what i would do with my own if they behaved that way. My friend was just relieved to have some help and we really wanted to spend some time together. At one point i did try and see her less in the day and more in the evenings though. The kids are quite good friends now actually/thankfully but her child is still very complex at times and still needs help in terms of anger control.

My friend was always very willing to sort things out and aknowledged/discussed the problem but maybe you should just say that it would be best to go early for your daughters sake if your friends child starts up.I agree you have to put your child first.

Easy bob, I know she's 3 but that doesn't mean she can't be a monster, or a thief, or a murderer for that matter, it just means that it may not be her fault, and we should try to help and not go over the top, and hopefully rectify any behavioural issues prior to her growing older, when it will be considered her fault.

Have you tried meeting at your house instead? If perhaps your child was there with her friends who she get along with and she is used to, then perhaps the other child would not be able to act in such a manner.

It's all about boundaries with children and it doesn't seem as though the other child is given any, don't rule out the idea that the other child is doing this for a reason, such as jealousy as she doesn't have such a good relationship with her mother perhaps? It's hard to say without such little information.

Thank you all for your messages, it's been a great support to hear that I am not alone and to have some advice.