My complicated 8 year old

[Sobha]

Hi, Wasnt sure whether to post this. I have some worries about my 8 yr old DD. Sometimes I think I am just over worrying and I should just lighten up. Other times I think that I am not doing enough. Hoping some of you sage souls out there can give me some advise. My daughter is a a bright lovely girl. Over the last few years she has developed a sleeping problem. She goes to bed on time, no fuss but just doesnt fall asleep sometimes till after 10pm (can be tossing and turning for about 2 hrs). said it frustrates her as well. It does affect her as she is at times quite tired during the day. She is also a child with a lot of nervous energy - at times. I am so careful with things such as diet and supplements and enough rest etc. Get frustrated when I do everything I can that from a health perspective she is as fit as she can be so that she can deal with a busy school day. She is at an academically advanced school but I dont think the academic side is a pressure for her - she is doing just fine without getting bored. She also has tics - has had all sorts on and off for the last few years - probably more noticeable once she stopped sucking her thumb. I dont know how to say this in a politically correct way - at times she is just a normal child. But other times, she stands out. Her friends have commented on her tics. Some of her friends just seem so calm and dignified. She is such a special child and has so much to offer the world. What i dont want is that she cannot fulfull this potential because I didnt try to address her sleep issues that maybe the cause of everything. or maybe she is just a highly nervous child. Everything always seems complicated. When she was growing up I thought it was me who was not doing a good job as a mother. Having had another child who is the exact opposite I realise that it isnt me but just a different situation. Somtimes when you are in a situation it is really hard to see what is a symptom and what is a cause. Again, as I said maybe I should just relax and not worry. With regards to the sleep I have tried to address it in so many ways - calm music, massages, routine (since she was a baby) etc. Nothing seems to work.

Am I just a neurotic mum?

My DS 9 would never fall asleep until 10pm, I have never seen it as a problem.

I put him to bed and let him read.

If she were still awake in the early hours of the morning it would be a different story.

Our DD1 (nearly 7) also developed a nervous cough after she stopped sucking her thumb. We found that a herbal stress remedy for a short period and a long-term magnesium supplement has helped (though she has switched from preschool to school in the meantime and seems happier at school so maybe that has helped more, who knows).

And just lots and lots of cuddles and reassurance that you love her - I have seen a direct link to DD's happiness and what sometimes seems to me more affection than other children get/want/need. She often wants a cuddle even in front of her friends at school before classes - but it's a happy cuddle not a scared-to-go-in one IYKWIM. But she gets as much as she wants and seems to need it.

When she has trouble going to sleep I go back a couple of times and sit stroking her hair for a few minutes and then reassure her I'll be back. A very few times I have taken a book or my laptop and sat in the doorway of her bedroom where she can see me and I have enough light to read or work. Sharing a bedroom with her younger sister has also helped both their sleep no end. When they were in separate rooms they both woke a lot during the night but then they decided they wanted to sleep together and since then I could count the number of broken nights onthe fingers of one hand.

Do you/does she have a pet? said to work wonders for stress and calming. We are getting a rat for DD's birthday in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering if having her own "thing" to love and be responsible for will help her to calm down even more.

Good luck and I'm sure you're doing everything right, some children are just more sensitive than others.

thank you for the advice. We dont have a pet - but is a good idea. She is a sensitive soul. Much like yours she also craves a lot of cuddle and love - not bothered whether in front of her friends or not. And I try to give her as much as I can. She will fall asleep within an hr if I lie down with her and stroke her back. But this is hard to do every night. Could you tell me what herbal stress remedy did you use? also a make of the magnesium supplement. You are right sometimes it is the environment that does dictate a lot.

Well we used Persen but we don't live in the UK so I don't know if that's an international brand. You have to lay off it if it's hot/sunny (no danger of that at the moment I guess) because it's got I think St john's Wort in it, which can cause skin pigment discolouration with sunlight.
The magnesium supplement was some tablet don't remember the brand but like a horse pill! and she found it hard to take, so now we just give her an effervescent one (we bought Plusssz but again I don't know if that's a local brand).

I know it's hard to actually stroke her all the time, maybe for a bit and then promise a return in, say, 10 mins?

Have you talked about it with her much, Sopha? What does she say?

Do you think maybe she has difficulty switching off or just needs lots of time to process the day's events, iykwim? Does she get some quiet time at the end of the day before she goes to bed?

Perhaps if she went to bed at the usual time but without the "expectation" that she should go to sleep straight away (a bedtime and a later lights-out time, say) it would take the pressure off and help her relax. Like with adult insomnia, where people are advised to read or something, rather than just lying there?