Extreme anger

[headexplodes]

My 7 year old DS seems to be full of anger and it's really becoming a problem now. He has always had what I would call a short fuse - when he was a toddler, although it was difficult, I put it down to normal toddler tantrums and frustration. But it doesn't seem to have improved, and he has got bigger and louder.

He has several long meltdowns every day and we're all so worn out with it. I find myself thinking how much easier it would be with only my 2 dds, who are also fed up of their brother's behaviour. I have noticed dd1, who is older, sort of treading carefully around him, to not set him off. DD2 (younger) often bears the brunt of his anger and constantly comes to me crying.

It's school holidays. He's screaming right now and I don't have the energy to go and see what's going on. It's a sunny day and all 3 dcs went into the garden at my suggestion but they've been out there about 2 minutes and a meltdown has begun and it's getting louder and louder. He is shouting "I hate you I hate you I hate you." Already this morning he has had severals meltdowns, over things like his milk dripping on him, the trousers he wanted to wear not being clean, and the cereal he likes being finished.

I have been around in circles with this over the years. I make sure he has regular snacks so it's not due to hunger. He gets enough sleep. I am firm about behaviour and he is sent to his room after a warning. I've tried to help him with strategies for calming down but he just seems to lose control of himself. When he's calm he's a happy, funny, loving little boy.

I would really appreciate some advice with this - the whole family is stressed out and everything we try to do is affected by his explsive behaviour. Are we doing something wrong or are some kids just like this?

Thanks.

My friend has a similar problem and its cos his son takes after his father who is explosive for 10 mins here and there. Although only short bursts they effect the family for a long time. I have suggested seeing a specialist or psychilogist so they can find ways of anger managment. I think there are also a good few books around for anger managment in ralation to kids too.

I really don't know why DS is like this. We certainly haven't done everything perfectly and I've lost my temper with him a few times but that's normal isn't it? He seems to have nothing in between calm and full-on screaming. I want him to be able to express anger but the force of anger he seems to have over little things seems abnormal to me at this age.

Ok now totally confused...just met a friend at the park and was telling her about the hard time we were having with DS. Right on cue he illustrated my point nicely, kicked his sister, told me to shut up and generally screamed the place down. I can't even remember why now. When he eventually calmed down and things were back to normal I made him apologise for kicking and being rude. However my friend said she thinks I think he's worse than he is, which surprised me, but now I'm wondering if I'm just being a total control freak and expecting too much?

My friend's boy can also be tricky, but she's got into the way of giving in to him when she thinks he's about to kick off. I really hate that....at one point I could see her boy was about to start because I only had enough biscuits for one each. He wanted another but there were only 2 left in the packet so not enough for all the children. I said sorry there's not enough and his mum immediately jumped in with "but don't worry, if you're a good boy I'll get you an ice-cream on the way home." My instinctive reaction to that was here's a child controlling a mum, but is she right, could my DS be so angry because I'm strict with him? Surely there's got to be another way than just tiptoeing around him?