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Separation anxiety? something else?

2 replies

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 19/10/2010 14:29

DS is 10 months old, almost 11 months. Never been a fab sleeper. Recently got better, and now is waking twice a night, sometimes for an hour or more. He no longer wants milk, happy to have boob, but sometimes can comfort without, as long as he has cuddles, he refuses to be comforted by DH, only me, at night, although daytimes he is fine with DH. Up to recently, he was happy to be cuddled/put back to sleep by DH at night time, unless he was hungry.

I am at work, mornings he is looked after by DH and afternoons I am home, get a couple of hours with him before DD comes home from school, but worked more last week, so less 1:1 time with him.

So, last few days, he has been extremely clingy, its steadily getting worse, and now, he will not be put down. At all. He is currently set down, next to me, but seems only as he can see I am sat down and he is 'with' me. If I go to stand, he cries, if I am holding him he will cry if I even look like I might put him down. He is like this when he is with DH, he cannot put him down either. He is fine with him in his arms, when I am not here, but cries his heart out at first when i leave.

He is fine if carried on my or DH's hip, clinging like a little koala bear.

He is refusing to sleep for his naps, we are having to drive around for hours to get him to sleep.

He is eating ok. Not great, but ok, and will mostly eat if he is on our laps. This has changed in the last couple of days as prior to that he ate like a little piglet (and drunk lots of milk too).

He does have a runny nose and a mild cough at night, but not enough that would warrant the screaming fits when put down. He turns into an 'angry' imp, bouncing in his cot, or on the bed/floor/sofa wherever he is placed, with a face like thunder!

He will distract himself and go off and do something, and then suddenly he realises he is not in our arms and crawls over and bounces crying till he gets picked up.

When distracted, or in our arms, he is a happy boy. And his general temperament is happy, chilled, non-crying, and well. So this sudden clinginess and fear/upset at being out of our arms is surprising. When not in our arms, he is happiest sat on the floor/cruising/being nosey while gripping some piece of food or other (currently stole a bit of naan bread from my lunch plate and stood next to me holding on to the sofa eating it and showing me it, chatting away).

If this is separation anxiety, what can I do to help it? ease it? help him adjust to the realisation he is not part of me?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Bumpsadaisie · 19/10/2010 15:39

Sounds like it to me - my DD (16 mths) was much more clingy from 10 mths to 12 mths.

I don't think there is anything you can do apart from just keep reassuring him when he shows anxious. If you try to get really strict and force him to play alone/leave him in bed alone he will scream so much it will break your heart and he will probably throw up! I think the more responsive you are the quicker they learn they have got nothing to fear.

Not too long till he might think about walking - and by then I think the excitement of being able to toddle around squashes out the fears. I guess they also feel more empowered - they can toddle after you if you go upstairs!

(I tried leaving DD for three or four minutes crying at this stage - never again! She was so beside herself she vomitted up all her food. I felt her little heart and it was pounding - she was clearly terrified.)

They do come through it - DD now is much more independent and it is brilliant being with her - she potters around doing her thing and I do mine, and every now and again we "check in". At the moment she is pottering around wiping the kitchen floor while I do MN!

I think you just need to resign yourself to two or three months of him being quite high-need. Keep in mind that you are effectively storing up his independence in the future, so the slog now will pay off later!

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 19/10/2010 15:54

thank you for that, feel much better for hearing this from a person rather than some paragrah on a website about it!

DH put him down today for just a minute, while I prepared for a job interview and he finished off DDs packed lunch, and he screamed the place down so much it did almost break my heart and I could not bear it and I am quite sure if I had left him, he would have made himself sick. Never again.

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