Who's gospel should I follow?

[RoxieP]

I am 28 weeks pregnant and a mature student taking a year out of medical school to have the baby (not planned but I'm very happy!). I'll be returning to study when the baby is approximately 9 months and ideally I'd like to be in the position where the baby is weaned and in a good routine so I can leave her with grandparents e.g. while I'm at lectures etc. Studying medicine is all-consuming and incredibly stressful as it is and I am not good on lack of sleep! Is Gina Ford the answer? I have my misgivings after reading up about it, but is a strict regime like this the only way of getting a baby in a routine that is conducive to the mother not being with her baby 24/7? Also, ideally I'd really like to be at home and enjoying the baby as much as possible in those first 9 months rather than implementing a military-style timetable. I'll have lots of private study to do at home, so it's not like my working day will be over even when I get home, so it would be heavenly to have a well-behaved baby which allows me to plan my time well and dedicate time for her and for other things like study. Or is this being naive and selfish? Ultimately I want to finish this degree so I can provide the best possible future for my child but will they suffer for it ealry on? I do have a very supportive partner, but he will have to work full-time too to keep the money coming in...

Absolutely agree with Sidge and mountainmonkey - babies fall into a rhythm all by themselves!

I think they are born with a certain personality and you can't change that. Doesn't mean you can't influence them and their behaviour by the way you bring them up.

My DH was a lovely placid baby too - the perfect child my mother-in-law tells me. My children take after me! Although they were really hard work to start with and DS still is, boy are they wonderful too and I wouldn't change them.

Do you think you'll specialise in paediatrics, you seem genuinely interested in children, not just your forthcoming child?

I'm not sure about paeds. It's super competitive and I don't like seeing children poorly! I had considered Obs & Gynae even before I was preg - birth stories fascinate me - but maybe going through it myself will put me off! Other than that, I've also thought about General Practice and Psychiatry. Most likely I'll end up as a GP I reckon as you get to see a bit of everything and you can develop "special interests" within general practice too. Still got 3 years left before I have to decide so a lot could change by then!

Sounds like you are enjoying your family despite them not taking after DH - though I would take what mother-in-law says with a pinch of salt, she's biased!

I'm a doctor so I wonder if GF attracts lots of doctors because we like to feel in control! :-)

I use GF, but, as someone says, have adapted it to my baby, who definitely has his own personality. We are now at 12 weeks of EBF and managing well, so it can be done.

So it doesn't bother you that the feeding regime etc seems to fly in the face of current "official" advice then?

And yes, I probably am a bit of a control freak too if I'm really honest!

Well hope it all goes well for you. How far along the career path are you? When do you plan on going back to work? How has maternity leave etc been?

Part of me wishes I hadn't taken a year out. I'm jealous of everyone going back and I'm having to work full time temping anyway to keep some money coming in! Should have just kept going til it popped out...though I suppose once she's born I'll be grateful for the time off!

oh, roxie, enjoy your time now, hope you get a nice and easy birth, but is exhausting and really hard work, i took my maternitty at 33 weeks and thought i don't know what to do with myself, i found out soon enopugh... good luck!

Find a routine that works for both you and your baby - and it'll change with time.

Any routine that minimises the feeds you have to wake up for is good - eg wake baby up and feed at a set time as you're about to go to bed, then you can get to sleep as the baby does. Then hang all the other (feed)times off that feed - being really careful about timing the early evening feeds.

Feed in the night with the light off, minimum eye contact/playing, no change if the bum's clean etc (vaseline on the bum every night and you can do that), so the baby is still part asleep, learns what night is and settles more easily afterwards (think that one was a Gina Ford tip - fwiw, I read the book and took the bits I wanted).

No gospel's right, and no babies are the same.

good luck!

Before DD was born I read Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer and What to Expect in the First Year just so I was well-versed in different ideas as I didn't have a clue about babies and I'm a very rational persion who likes routine. Despite having colic for a few weeks, GF worked perfectly for our DD and she was an easy baby who slept through at 12 weeks and quickly fell into a predictable routine. However, if she had not then I would have known to have tried other techniques.

One thing that helped was that I got my DD used to being looked after by other people very early on eg DH looked after her entire weekends and also tended to her at night alot (despite working 60 hours weeks); also we left her with her grandmother at 2 weeks for a few hours then after a few months grandma looked after her all day and night occasionally. This meant that when I returned to work she was used to other people's care and it was no problem leaving her.

As an aside, my mother was a hospital doctor working long shifts and she went back to work when I was 8 months leaving me with a childminder during the day. It all worked out really well. I grew up with a very strong female role model in my life (and a very strong male role model in my father who also tended to me alot during nights and did his share of childcare whilst working fulltime).

Enlist your DH's and mother's help and support right from the beginning.

RoxieP, general practice can also be very family friendly with family friendly working hours, so worth bearing in mind.

Yeah I pretty much plan to get P's and Mum's hlep pretty early on! They are both great anyway - DP has been doing loads around the house already as I'm finding it more difficult to heave myself/roll off the sofa! I'm sure it will all work out and whilst I am a bit nervous, I'm not terrified!

Mother-in-law had 4 angels and one horror who screamed nearly constantly for 3 years. It took till he could talk and say his bottom hurt for them to find he had piles. A little op and no more screaming. He was no. 3 so she went back for more but got lucky.

She didn't believe my first was so bad till she stayed with us...