bedtime ritual for 15 month old

[ekkiethump]

just wanted to know what the norm was for bedtime rituals especially what people do once put little one in the cot.

we used to put DS into cot and basically get out of the room as quick as possible. He just used to babble to himself and go off by himself.
but due to teething, holidays etc... we are no longer able to do that. either involves crying for 10-15min or stand in room until asleep.
am i being unreasonable to expect him to fall asleep himself without any crying?
have tried staying in room for few mins then walking away but DS starts crying when walk out.
what do others do and think? [comfused]

Our DD2 has done this.

I am quite mean and would leave her but DH is soppy and goes up and rocks her to sleep in his arms for half an hour or so.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer - at this age I don't think leaving them to cry for 10 mins is going to do any harm (braces for flaming from AP people) and I also don't think that rocking them or staying with them is going to cause any long term issues either (braces for flaming from GF people). I think you should do what you feel like doing, what your instincts tell you to do IYSWIM.

Fair post, ISNT. Personally, I do believe that babies and young children instinctively need company at bedtime.

My DS is 2 now - for the first year or so, I bf to sleep, then we moved on to reading to sleep. I always cuddle him while we read, until he drifts off. Couldn't bear the idea of leaving him to cry or fuss to sleep - doesn't instinctively feel like it would be in his best interests.

for a long time now i've been putting dd down and getting out asap. i put her down when I know she is tired (7pm without fail, almost). occasionally she will kick off a bit but I leave her and she settles herself. i believe it's important for her to settle herself and not rely on too much rocking, cuddling (i used to do this when she was v small though, until maybe 4 or 5 months old). at risk of major backlash from other posters, i have on occasion left her for upto 30 mins before she has fallen asleep (only when i know she is tired and def not hungry/wet). if it's more than that I'll go back up and calm her down and then when she settles, walk out asap again and that normally works. is 'making noise' (not proper crying, you can just tell when they really need you). v occasional though.

Exactly scroobious. Your approach is fine, doireallywant3's is fine. Each family must do what they feel comfortable with.

Although with our family, where there is an AP parent (DH) and a slightly meaner parent (me ), DH's instinct to go and cuddle over-rides my instinct to leave her IMO. Because I could never make him sit and listen to one of his children crying and prevent him from doing what comes naturally IYSWIM.

instinctively i want to stay with him but i worry that will cause problems in future with not sleeping as he gets older and more demanding.

also have enjoyed putting him down at 7 and walking out the room and being able to enjoy my evening.

I think the "rod for your back" stuff is over-rated TBH. Some children are more demanding than others, some are independent, some are clingy, an endless variety. I don't think that cuddling him to sleep or staying in the room will cause problems long term - and remember that when they are able to communicate and their understanding gets better bedtime changes anyway - DD2 has been in a "big bed" since 2, with bedtime story and night-night kisses - a completely different routine to when she was even 18 months or 12 months. They change so quickly at this age, in 6 months it will all be different. So go with whatever you think. Leave or not leave, either way will be fine I reckon

I am 100% with ISNT on this. You have to do what feels right for you.

Neither my husband or I can leave our son to cry at night, so he is held until he's asleep. This has actually just been in the last few months, as he was very good at settling himself until the beginning of the summer which started with chicken pox and continued throw ear infections, fevers of 40 etc all.summer.long.

I am confident in a month or two (he's 16 months, BTW) he'll be able to self settle again. Or not!

Always nice to read when someone agrees with you Tee!

My last post should have said about DD1 going into big bed at 2 - otherwise none of it makes sense

I agree with ISNT as well - there's a lot of nonsense talked about 'oh you'll never be able to break them of the habit!' - whereas in my experience children go through phases and sometimes they need more comfort/ reassurance, sometimes they're happy with less.

When DD started nursery at 1 she hated it and got very insecure - as a result her bedtimes deteriorated rapidly and from being happy to go to sleep by herself she became hysterical if I tried to leave the room before she was asleep. She found having her fingers sucked very comforting, and so for several weeks it was a case of sitting next to her cot nibbling her fingers until she went to sleep (usually a matter of minutes to be fair.) Now, however, she's much more settled at nursery and after she's changed and in her sleepsuit/ grobag we have a quick cuddle, I say night-night as I put her down and she rolls over and settles herself to sleep.

Don't worry too much Ekkie. DS has always gone through phases of needing a bit more help to go to sleep. We have sat in the room until he's dropped off when he was smaller. You don't have to do it for long, eventually we'd just leave when he was calm and sleepy rather than actually asleep and he'd be fine with that. He just needed to get over whatever was bothering him and know that we were there if he needed us.

He's just three now and can sometimes still be a bit funny about being left at bedtime but now we can reason with him we just say we'll be back to check on him later (sometimes, we even do! ), or leave a nightlight on, or a story CD.

So, if you need to stay with your DS for a bit now, it needn't be forever.

Oh thank god it's not just us Tee! Have been keeping head down about fact that DD is 16 mo and still goes to sleep on one of us (usually Mummy). Because she had reflux we found that propping her up after feeds, including at bedtime, def helped...by the time we braced ourselves to see if she could lie down after a feed she was a very big girl and used to sitting on Mummy to go to sleep. Often compounded by knackered Mummy falling asleep before DD.... However, she has now got to the point where she's too big to get easily comfy on Mummy without lots of thrashing; last night involved over an hour with her in the cot wriggling for Ireland. Which then became a game even though she was wrecked tired. But I do worry I've done her harm by not making her settle herself; my sister is complete opposite - both her kids do bath, bedtime milk and story then put down and left to go to sleep. Which they do. Each one different I guess

Ginga, I am just about to wake my son from his afternoon nap. Which, if he has one, he has on mummy.

It's the only way to get him to nap and it gives me an excuse to sit on the sofa reading MN and playing video games for 2 hours!!

We do bath, dry, story, cuddle, into sleeping bag, turn light off so its very dark, put music on, into cot. I have a chair next to the cot and I sit there for a few minutes till she drops off, usually its pretty quick and no fuss.

What they need changes over time anyway. DD is more independent now (16 mths) and probably wouldnt care if I didn't sit with her. But that originates from when she was 10 - 12 months old and going through an anxious phase and would definitely check to make sure I was sitting there!

PS the "getting into sleeping bag" bit seems to be key for DD - she might play up and be boisterous while reading but once she is putting on her sleeping bag she sort of goes floppy and sleepy - its a real trigger for her (thank god for small mercies!)

thank you all for that. makes me feel better. think might sit with him tonight. you are all right in that everything changes and just need to roll with each phase.
i spend a lot of my time worrying about the future and consequences of what i am doing now but think i need to chill out (as my DH would say);)

I do think there is some chilling out needed in all child raising!

And I despise the phrase 'rod for your own back'. Yes, okay, maybe at some point babies learn how to manipulate us. But, honestly, if my 16 month old needs me to hold him to get him to have a nice sleep, what's wrong with that? I doubt I'll still be doing it when he's 12!

Manipulation comes (if it comes) much later, after they've figured out that you're a separate person from them! A baby - who isn't self aware - literally can't be manipulative. And there's bags of evidence to show that children learn manipulative techniques most quickly when they didn't get what they needed through the more direct forms of communication - which makes perfect sense to me.

I'm definitely a roll-with-it parent!