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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dummies - Cheeky friend!!!!!

58 replies

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:08

I was out for lunch with an old work colleague the other day with my dd(1), ds(40 and her ds (2). She's always been a bit of a "know-it-all", especially when she was pregnant!!!!!!! but this really made me grit my teeth...

She offered to give me a lift home, so I said that would be great! She offered to hold dd while I folded the buggy, when I lifted dd out of the buggy she was sitting on a dummy. I picked the dummy up and handed it to dd as opposed to sticking it in my pocket to gather fluff. Dd put it in her mouth.

My friend them looked at me in horror and said "WHAT did you do THAT for??" "She didn't need the dummy!!!" She then took it out of dd's mouth saying "THats dirty and horrible and you shouldn't have that!!!"

WTF? I just said "I only gave her it to hold whilst I got the buggy folded. And besides just coz your ds doesn't like a dummy doesn't make them dirty and horrible!!"

She said to me "Well you won't be saying that in a years time when you can't get it off her?"

I said.... ahem I do have a 4 year old.... I have been through all that.

The subject was then dropped with her sitting with a smug grin on her face at the fact that she did her good deed for the day by removing dd's "evil" dummy.

I'm fuming! Wouldn't you be???????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gscrym · 12/09/2005 11:54

My ds loves his dummy so much that he has been known to kiss it and say thank you. He's 3 and we've got him off them unless he's poorly. He's a happy little thing with his dum-dum (his name for it)

Original poster

Toothache · 12/09/2005 12:00

My dd doesn't really cry for her dummy. Unless she's really tired.

Gscrym - I now longer work at Grangemouth, but let me find out for you. I know alot of people who are there and will be able to let me know whats available at the moment.

What is it you do? What discipline do you work in? It probably would be best to send you CV to NES or Morson. Jacobs Engineering are managing a big project at Innovene that si due to kick off quite soon..... so I imagine they will be manning up for that and those are agencies they use most.

OP posts:

gscrym · 12/09/2005 12:03

I'm a man-tech but would rather work for the company rather than agency. I had heard that they were manning up but weren't going to advertise. Any info would be grand.

lyra41 · 12/09/2005 12:03

I think dummies are fine for sleeping or for illness, for a baby that really needs to suck and is using mum as a live dummy. What upsets me is when toddlers have to try to communicate through their dummies, I do feel they get in the way of good speech development. They're not called dumb-mmies for nothing.

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 12:04

Agree with that. Try to only give her it when she's tired or poorly, and ALWAYS make sure it is out when she is trying to talk.

aloha · 12/09/2005 12:07

It's outrageous, arrogant and downright rude.
I don't get the whole things about dummies and have concluded that it is pure snobbery. They are totally harmless, if anything,they are good for babies, yet they attract such hostility. Bizarre.
As for ds, he had a dummy and he really, really needed it. I am really glad I followed his needs and not other people's aesthetic preferences/snobbery when I made choices about his wellbeing.

Original poster

Toothache · 12/09/2005 12:11

Brrrravo Aloha! That sums it up perfectly!!! I just don't get it either.

OP posts:

weesaidie · 12/09/2005 12:35

Agree aloha. Totally.

I used to (before baby) be against for no other reason than pure snobbery. Totally ludicrous nwow I look back...

aloha · 12/09/2005 12:46

And my dd has never had a dummy. Different child, different needs.
Ds also has sensory issues which appear to be connected to his dyspraxia. Even now he needs to touch things to be sure of where he is in space - eg will touch a wall as he walks, likes to lie very flat on the floor etc. I am convinced that even as a baby having a dummy gave him this sense of security and connection. Yes, I could have refused to give him a dummy. I could have let him cry instead. I'm glad that even though I had no idea about his dyspraxia and sensory issues, I was still able to give him appropriate comfort. I feel very strongly about this - as you can probably tell!

SoupDragon · 12/09/2005 12:53

I hate dummies (and its nothing to do with snobbery) but I couldn't give a damn what other people do and would certainly never comment or remove a child's dummy.

I'm certain there are things that I do wrt parenting that other people hate but I don't care and they shouldn't comment

I don't like gel in little children's hair either and DS1's hair actually grows upwards at the font with no need for gel at all He's very proud of it!

crazydazy · 12/09/2005 12:54

To be honest I think children themselves decide whether a dummy is right for them. We tried with both of our children to introduce a dummy when they were first born but they both just didn't want one which I found very strange as every baby I had been in contact with had a dummy! I had one myself until I started school and so did DP!!!!!

They have never needed one so I didn't push it after that first week of their birth!! But now I am finding it very hard with DS as he is 3.5 and is reliant on his bottle if he wakes up through the night. I would have much preferred it if I could have just given him a dummy because tbh I hate him lying down with a bottle in his mouth plus the fact that it isn't that good for teeth (he will only have milk - we have tried water). I just want him to sleep well and be happy in his bed so I give in and let him have the bottle.

So really the dummy does have some advantages, in my view of course

aloha · 12/09/2005 12:55

If not snobbery, then what?

SoupDragon · 12/09/2005 12:57

Er... personal taste??

pesha · 12/09/2005 13:01

I dont like dummies but never said never and both of mine as tiny babies just wanted to comfort suck on me constantly so i tried them both with dummies but neither of them liked it so i just had to put up with being a human dummy for a while! I have to say im now glad they didnt for my own personal reasons.

But i fully accept that all families, parents and children, have different needs and wants so would never presume to judge someone else on their choices. I do alot of things quite differently to alot of my friends, i dont smack, i made their baby food, they didnt have dummies and so on but i dont think that makes me a better mum its just a different way of doing things.

And i would never take away something from another child that id just seen the mother give to it, i think thats outrageous and i would be livid if someone did that to me. Its noone elses business how you choose to raise your child and if it makes you and your child happy then it is the best thing to do.

Angeliz · 12/09/2005 13:01

I think she's totally out of order.
How DARE she talk to you through your daughter as if you're a moronic mother who should know better.
I hate people commenting on how i bring up my daughters, each to their own!

I LOVE gscrym's idea of putting it her son's mouth when she's not looking!

crazydazy · 12/09/2005 13:11

Exactly Pesha, a mother knows better than anyone else what her child needs - shit to everyone else's view!!!! Quite brutal I know but when it comes to my kids DP and I decide whats best for them.

mears · 12/09/2005 13:11

That behaviour by your friend was out of order Toothache.

When my DD was a baby my next door neighbours mother reached into her pram and pulled her thumb out of her mouth. I was absolutely raging as my peaceful baby was now screaming. I have had 3 thumbsuckers and one dummy sucker and have no problem with babies sucking whatever they need for comfort.

lockets · 12/09/2005 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Toothache · 12/09/2005 13:14

Mears - !!!

OP posts:

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 13:15

There are really some interfering so-and-sos around. Why????

acnebride · 12/09/2005 13:24

incredible that she interfered toothache. i hope i wouldn't have done anything like that before having a child, but since having ds/being on here it is clear that whenever you are seeing parents with their children you are seeing one tiny snapshot of their lives, and it is extremely easy to judge or misunderstand that snapshot.

anyway, i had a dummy til I was seven and boy i loved it. can still remember the lovely sensation of inserting my dummy after getting home from school. and what's the difference between that and a soft toy, or rag, which presumably would have been fine?

re thumbsuckers, a friend of mine used to be married to a surgical registrar who sucked his thumb in public in his mid-30s.

aloha · 12/09/2005 13:58

I can understand that people might not think dummies are beautiful objects (they're not) but they soothe and comfort many babies. I felt in the case of dummies, my child's happiness and comfort was more important than aesthetics and I freely admit to being a snob about LOTS of things and very interested in how things look.

aloha · 12/09/2005 13:59

Toothache, next time your friend's child is wearing an item of clothing you don't like, you should try to rip it off her, saying it's tasteless and horrible! I wonder what her mother would say to that?

SoupDragon · 12/09/2005 15:53

But the whole key about "snobbery" is that it involves being patronising, insulting or consescending or having an air of superiority. Which has nothing to do with, say, how I feel about dummies at all.

SoupDragon · 12/09/2005 15:54

Although I do feel patronising and sondescnding towards those who would purchase those awful dummies which look like ugly teeth and think they're funny. Why would you want to make your child look like that??

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