Where to draw the line/when to worry about being scatty vs ADD

[ThisIsMyTruth]

DD is 9, Yr 5, summer born. She is lovely, kind, sweet-natured, has friends (only a small group, but good relationships. She is academically bright, achieving at school, voracious reader. She has always been scatty/easily distracted/forgetful.

She takes an age (like 30 mins) to get dressed in the morning as sonething else catches her eye and she has no sense of what she is meant to be doing or how much time has gone by. She loses things, can never remember where her stuff is. She never remembers by herself to brush teeth/hair despite it being the daily routine. She does remember if we bought sweets last week that she hadn't finished them though .

Homework that took her older DS 15 mins to do takes her 2 hours, and that is only with constant nagging. She can't find her stuff, drops her pen, the book 'falls' off the table, she 'falls' off the chair. All her work is scruffy, full of crossings out and her writing is up and down like the sea. The actual work she produces is excellent - she got 4a's for her Year 4 SATs - but looks rubbish and takes hours.

She is clumsy, but can ride a bike and swim. Her hearing and vision are fine. She finds instructions difficult to carry out - either because there is too much going on in her head, or because she forgets what was asked or because she gets distracted.

I have wondered about ADD for ever. However, while she shows some of these behaviours at school, she functions ok enough, and because she is achieving, school don't see that she has any issues. It feels to me that any concentration she does have gets used up by school, and she is just a dopey nightmare at home.

What to do? I am not sure the school would back us and agree she has a problem - I do think her intellect is a mask in this sense - but she just isn't like other children the same age, and is the cause of much friction in the family with everything having to be repeated three times, being late, having to nag, DD being 'vacant'.

Is it worth trying to see professionally if there is an 'issue'? If not, what strategies can we use (aside fro lots of repeats, lists pinned up etc which we already do). Please help, I worry that I have to nag her too much, and that she really won't be able to cope when she goes up to seniors in 2 years time.

Can anyone offer any advice?

I'm on my way to bed, but just wanted to quickly post - will be back tomorrow

She does seem to have some ADD traits, but these traits are not uncommon in NT children, it is mostly a case of the extent to which they interfere in every day life that makes a disorder rather than a charcter quirk.

Does she get frustrated by it or is she happy as things are?

Thanks so much for replying PMPM.

Tbh, DD isn't that bothered by it - she is quite happy in her own world.

She doesn't like the nagging - but without that she would never start anything, finish anything or get anywhere (or be dressed!). DH and I are the ones getting frustrated...

She does panic when she realises she has got to hand her homework in and only has 10 mins left to do it, for example, but this panic never extends to her learning to get on with it in the first place.

I agree, it is hard - quirk or condition? Is there any point getting confirmation even if there is a condition? Aargh!

I welcome your thoughts

Your DD sounds quite like my DS he is also 9.

He is very bright and achieved level 5 sats at end of year 3.

He is slightly different in that he is exceptionally even obsessionally organised.

But he moves so slowly, eats slowly dresses slowly and writes slowly.

Homework that is maths or multiple choice is done in under a minute.

Homework that is written takes hours, he always has to stay in a lunch time to finish work.

I too asked the advice of the ladies on NM and they said that he was on the autistic spectrum.

As of yet I have decided to wait and see and hope things will improve.

I sympathise with you it is a hard decision because they are not failing and surely everyone has problem areas no matter how bright.

Sorry I do not know of any stratergies that would help but I am sure someone will.

Thanks Lynlies - I hope things do improve for your DS. He sounds super bright! It is frustrating where there is such a difference in their abilities...
I don't think DD is on the spectrum, but her scattyness really is (1) at odds with her intellect and (2) makes her difference from her peers who seem so much 'older' because they are with it.

Would welcome more viewpoints...

TBH, if she's happy, has friends, enjoying school and has no real issues there or at home, I wouldn't bother approaching any professional. There are strategies you can use to get them into 'gear' so to speak. Egg timers are great for getting dressed, washed, teeth etc and visual timetables help them to organise school bag/homework. Assuming she's on a good diet?? Medication is offered to diagnosed ADD/ADHD children .... but I think that's extreme for something that isn't causing any of you real problems. It doesn't sound like ADD to me as she's managing at school and is obviously achieving academically. I'd take her the way she is, she sounds lovely

God, sounds like dd1 and I have never even for a moment thought about ADD! I just assumed that was her personality. I would be very wary of labeling your dd. Particularly as it doesn't actually seem to be troubling you, her or the school.

Well, her issues are definitely bothering us! We spend a lot of time shouting and nagging her which is not great for family life. Getting her to do anything is a real struggle. It is quite sad that she us so used to us getting at her now that she doesn't see it as strange . It really like having a toddler with a twenty second attention span. Even mealtimes take an age - she forgets she is meant to be eating!

As for school - like I said, her innate ability masks her difficulties I think. She does well despite her issues, but I think she would be amazing if they weren't there. Previous teachers have commented on them; they do know, but their judgement lies on her grades, which are undeniably good.

I do think she will struggle enormously at Senior School. If we could start to improve things, now would be better than leaving it till then...

Like I said, it may be that she is just on the extreme end of scatty, not at the mild end of ADD. Whichever, it is a problem for us!

Your description makes me think of dyspraxia tbh rather than ADD. I think ADD tends to interfere with learning at school I think whereas you say your DD is achieving well. Dyspraxics have problems with organisational skills as well as with movement. Try googling and see if it fits. If you do suspect something like dyspraxia then bear in mind that she may not be able to help some of her behaviour.
In my experience, children like this need help to remember things and get organised. No use expecting her to remember tooth brushing out of the blue but put a chart on her bedroom door ( where she sees it on entry) where she has to tick each day when she has brushed her teeth. If she doesn't then remind her, but she still has to tick the chart herself. Then you are actually starting to train her to take some responsibility. Help her to make list of what she needs each day for school and pin it up somewhere visible, but then ask her to go and check she has everything each morning using the list. She is responsible for getting her stuff together for school, you just remind her to use the list. Start with just one thing ( whatever is annoying you most) and work on that to start with. Only introduce other things when she is automatically checking ticking lists herself.

If you do think she may be dyspraxic and the school are not willing to have her assessed you should be able to get your GP to refer her to the paediatric Occupational Therapy team who would be able to assess her

This sounds just like my DD who is 8. She's very bright and does well academically at school, although she struggles a bit emotionally at times (occassional tears, strops, frustration, etc) all her teachers have commented on her emotional immaturity/daydreaminess.

I sympathise with you ThisIsMyTruth as it is very frustrating getting her to do anything at home, and I agree that nagging all the time is very wearing. She is also very easily distracted adn struggles to follow instructions. It must be more apparant for you with an older DS. My DS is 6 and I treat them both the same, although he responds much better to instructions, and gets dressed, etc quicker than her.

I've also thought about ADD, she does tick a few boxes, more than Dyspraxia, but whatever the reason (maybe just personality) I know she can't help it. It doesn't affect her or us enough to warrant getting a diagnosis, although I suppose if it becomes more of a problem when she gets older, we may have to.

Thanks SarahFreck for the advice, I have tried similar things before, but need to persevere with these if she is to achieve some sort of independence.

Just wanted to add that I don't think this type of behaviour is necessarily at odds with being academically bright - it reminds me of an absent minded professor type!

hi just wanted to add to the conversation/get an opinion - my DS is fantastic at reading (took the school years to take any notice until last year's excellent yr 2 teacher) but painfully slow at writing.

He also will give every excuse under the sun why he doesn't want to start/complete writing, fiddle, drop pencil, lose focus - also forms numbers backwards - a bit on the scruffy side and never liked drawing/painting much unlike his little sister who is the complete opposite- loves drawing - writes her name in reception without a fuss and voluntarily copies letters without prompting.

Is this a gender thing? Also I've noticed that DS gets extremely frustrated at times - usually after a long day but does not manage his emotions very well ... again is that a maturation/boy thing? On the other hand DS is perfectly capable of practicing violin/piano in return for going on the computer - which he seems to prefer to the outdoors - again the opposite of his sister ...