Financial rewards for good behaviour

[minouminou]

DS is 4 today!!!!!
And can be a bit of a horror at times (although in the main, he's a well mannered, considerate and thoughtful human being), so I'm thinking about instigating a system whereby he gets 5p for stuff like tidying up his toys after he's played with them, helping with picking up towels, putting down kibble for the dog etc....
Tidying up is something of a flashpoint for him (at nursery, too), as is refusing to listen and being defiant (all normal, I know).
Anyway, what do you guys think about this? Is it wrong/ill-fated or has it worked for any of you.
The accumulated money would be spent on little toys and magazines, so there'd be no sweets and so forth.
He still throws mega tantrums, so one 5p could be earned by not having one for a day
Dunno....whaddaya all think?
As a child my pocket money was based on household tasks, and I've turned out reasonably well, but I don't think it started at 4.
Errrr...I'll leave it up to you!

I'm not a fan of the "money for being good" idea with kids. I don't know, I think I've just always imagined that they would see it as a way to get money as opposed to just "helping out" or doing what they need to; if you understand what I'm saying. I have to say I've never tried it myself, so wouldn't know.

Actually, I do pay any of my lads £5 for washing the car in the summer....

I'm not a big fan either...my DD is 6 and is demanding cash for getting all her spellings right this week....because her friend does!

Well...considering they have a test a week I'm not playing! I think a better reward could be a trip to the park or a special game...or a comic once a week. Avoid the cash I think.

theres a well known MN method called the pasta jar.

you get a jar and every time they are good you put a piece of pasta in and when they are not so good - you take a piece out

by the end of the day, x number of pasta pieces = treat - like park, library, whatever

I wouldn't do paying for good behaviour in that sort of way - imagine 5 years down the line when your 9 year old is demanding a quid for behaving?

I used the pasta jar on my son when he was aged 6-8 and if he got to 20 he'd get a comic. It really worked as he'd see the pasta going up or down whereas he didn't understand money or its worth at all. We used to have days where he'd lost 4 pieces of pasta before school (forgetting things, not listening, etc) but other days where he'd been so good and helpful (laying the table without being asked) that he'd get 4. We did make sure he knew good behaviour was expected though and he didn't get a piece if he was obviously doing something to get the pasta (look I just tidied my room!).

Now he's 9 we use 'performance related pocket money' and he loses 10p for being naughty and starts at £1. He tends to end up with about 80p although some weeks he got none!

4yo is Too young to understand the value of money. Try it again when he's 10yo. Chocolate stars might work for a 4yo, and stickers definitely work.

Speaking from experience, here .

(Where are our Halloween smilies??, hunh, hunh, MNHQ??)

DD has just turned 4 and I don't feel she is ready for pocket money yet. She likes the coins but then just leaves them in random places.

DS is 5.5 and we have just started giving him £1 a week when he has finished his homework. He is much more into it, likes to count how much he had, keeps it in his purse very carefully, thinks about what he wants to buy or if he will save up.

To keep it fair, we say that Mummy keeps DD's money in Mummy's purse and when DS buys something DD can choose something too.

We don't link it to specific jobs but we do say that everyone has to be part of the family team and do little jobs as and when. So I do remind them if they are being lazy/grumpy/messy that they won't get their pocket money if they don't join in with tidying up.

Happy Birthday to your DS!!!

Children should behave well because they are part of society, not because they can get treats for doing their homework/not talking back/putting their toys away- these are things that they are expected to do, not some special achievements

I think that the stickers/money rewards approach misses the point of why we want them to be nice, useful, make an effort etc.

PMSL at giving my DS money for putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Im not a fan of rewards & punishments tbh. I go more in for natural consequences for 'bad' behaviour and positive re-inforcement of 'good'.
I have a 4 year old and 3 yearold & this works for us.
My DS isnt great at tidying up either, but we do it together, a team effort & he knows that the longer it takes at the end of the day, the less time there will be playing in the bath or night time stories....which would be where natural consequences come in. However, I try to give him a lot of positive encouragement & if need be make the tidying up into a game etc I realise this can get a bit wearing though!!
I definately wouldnt go down the money route, or even stickers or treats. Apart from anything else, I just couldnt keep up with it!