Terrible Twos - tactics?

[katherine2008]

DD 25 months, is generally a really sweet natured, engaging child. But blimey we have hit the terrible twos hard over the last two or three weeks. I just wanted to ask for advice about how to deal with refusal to wash/dress/bath/brush teeth/do as she is told generally (these almost exclusively when she is tired, specifically bedtime or just after breakfast). Counting to 3 used to work, but doesn't always any more. And I'm not sure at 25 months threats about taking away things (?) will work. Or will they? I am starting to shout at her which I HATE - I never intended to be a shouty mum. Or do I just crack on, pin her down to put a nappy on etc and not worry to much? Help?!!

hi ya,my daughter is 23 months and is hitting the terrible twos as well,she hates having her teeth brushed,nappy changed,hair brushed etc,she just wants to play.i ignore the strops and praise her when she cooperates and i just carry on what im doing regardless of if shes playing up or not.i think shes a bit young to really be bothered about you taking things away,they are so easily pleased with everything that she would find something else lol xxx

taking things away works a charm for my DS (23 months)
bribing does too but what works even better is a big cuddle during the tantrum...! makes it stop!

That's good to know. Unfortunately if I try to cuddle dd I get pushed away and it makes the tantrum 100 times worse!

Our DS is 18 months, but he is already well versed in the art of throwing tantrums. He is up to the stage where they can go on for 10 minutes (even with trying to calm him) and he likes to headbutt the floor!

If the tantrum has been thrown due to a limitation that I've put in place - then cuddling does seem to work if my DW does it and not me (and occasionally visa versa). But that's not a useful technique when I'm not in the house.

Sometimes we can calm it by either distracting him (tickles) or trying to explain something. This is usually the case if he is trying to do something and is frustrated because he can't or thinks he is being prevented. I'm guessing at 2 years this happens less because they are better able to make their desires known.

For nappy changes, we just pin him down and carry on regardless.

In the worst case, where there is absolutely no response to any technique - it's just a case of putting him somewhere safe and letting him scream whilst you try to maintain what's left of your sanity (which does sometimes mean leaving the room - trust me, if they are screaming at the top of their little lungs you don't need to worry about being in the same room 100% of the time).

Thank you for that - that sounds pretty bang on. Poor you to have it so early!! Yes, I have discovered the art of putting in cot and walking away - the first time so she didn't hurt herself and ever since then I find it works rather well! I try to explain over and over, and this to a child whose speech is pretty much fluent, but she seems to go into another place, so whilst I continue to talk to her, I think I may be wasting my breath! Thank you, thank you for advice though - it does help!

Distraction works quite well, although you have to be increasingly inventive. We do counting to 5/singing songs during nappy changes, although sometimes suggestions of this are met by an increase in tantrum....

Took 2 of us to change her nappy last Saturday (!). Recent school runs (big bro to nursery), she will go in buggy with a book/lego/favourite toy. She is also better with a clear warning that something is going to happen (had forgotten this stage.. groan). She will go up to bath if a toy she has comes with her.
Also, pick your battles. Clearly sometimes she must do what you say, but other times maybe it doesn't matter.. a tricky balance

Sometimes rather than digging your heels in it is worth thinking round the situation...

We had a situation today when it was time to leave our neighbour's house. DD didn't want to. To start with she was happy to trike to the front door but then wasn't budging from said trike. I went to the door and told her it was time to say bye-bye, nice and cheerfully. The neighbour's DD soon toddled over to say Bye, DD was then jealous and came over herself for hug and nice Bye-bye. Tantrum avoided- today, probably not tomorrow!

God yes DS is 25mths nad has hit the T2's big time these last few weeks, mostly when he is tired, in the morning, before his afternoon nap, in the evening, during nappy changes, toothbrushing!

I've noticed that he tends to do the things that have had a negative reaction from either DP or I in the past such as thowing toys down hard on the floor, standing on his toys, pushing his dinner plate onto the floor, smacking/scratching one of us, pouring his drink over his food, knocking things over etc I could go on! So DP and I have changed tact now and we are trying our best to ignore the above things as if he doesn't get a reaction then hopefully he'll stop doing it, even though they are irritating after a long day of defiance!

I have found myself getting crosser and crosser with him, the time out doesn't work as he won't stay there anymroe and when I keep putting him back he thinks it's a game and just laughs. It's exhausting especially as I am pregnant.

So I would suggest ignore, ignore, ignore the negative and praise, praise, praise the positive!

Thank you - It's weird, you are 100% certain you are not alone, but until someone else says 'me too' then you do wonder if perhaps it's because you are a terrible parent. Phew!

count to 3 then do time out in a boring room for 3 mins. Praise good behaviour and make change times more fun.

Distraction works, too, sometimes. My DD2 (30mths) often refuses to get dressed and distracting her with a book/toy for a minute or two is often enough to make her forget that she didn't want to do something and she'll then do it quite compliantly.

I also find that just removing the opportunity for naughtiness works better than trying to modify their behaviour - eg pick toys, etc up rather than try to stop her jumping on them/throwing.

Also, just because they talk well and seem to understand what's going on, doesn't mean they do! They don't really realise how naughty they're being, or how much they're winding you up. They just know they're getting attention and all attention is good.

Yeah, easy to say, wish I'd remembered this an hour ago!

Just a couple of things to add-

Giving plenty of warnings e.g. five minutes till bathtime, 2 minutes etc so they are used to the idea.

Giving a choice so they feel they have some control- which toys do you want for bathtime? Which top will you wear today? Sometimes even asking which nappy she wants (you know the little pictures they have on them!) will help to distract my DD and make her feel involved.

All brilliant suggestions. We do a count down to bathtime and bedtime, and that always works. Gets her upstairs although not always in the bath. And thank you Calm - what a valid point - I think I probably expect much too grown up behaviour because her speech is so good. The perils of being a first time Mum. Thanks again.

Oh my word........ so it would seem that we have hit the terrible two's a little early as well (coming up 21 months). DS is becoming VERY headstrong - however, does not know how to channel this at all. We are going through a phase of hitting/pulling/pushing, not sharing toys, tantrums, refusing to brush teeth, screaming when put down to change nappy, headbutting the floor/the settee/the nearest person to him......... please tell me this is just a phase. I have heard 'fish oils' mentioned a few times. Is this something any mumsnetters have tried. I just assumed DS was too young for this and we just have to make sure he doesn't headbutt a concrete floor or cause a serious injury to another child and just ride this out?

It really does seem to come and go - one week craziness, the next week all fine. Ride it out and use all tactics as above! And if in doubt put safely in cot!!!! Good Luck.

I usually completely ignore my DD when she is in the middle of a tantrum. I tell her we'll have cuddle when she has finished and then carry on as normal, stepping over her, talking over her etc...

When she has finished I feel like applauding yet another oscar winning performance!

Oh Im so glad I found this thread as i've seriously been close to tears so much this week. Mine climbs out of cot (23 month DD) and so is in toddler bed with bed guard. She's taken to waking early and then tantruming over every. little. thing.

Im honestly finding it as hard as when she was newborn this week.

After she screamed the house down as she wanted to "crack the eggs please mummy" in a box of eggs I'd only just bought, I actually cried.

Im reading all these tips with interest. Stickers work really well with us, but they are limited to sleeping in own bed and brushing teeth. I also find whispering helps, if she is screaming and i whisper something in her ear she usually halts. I try to make it something interesting.

But she wants to help with evrything...my turn to brush teeth mummy, i help with sandwich mummy, i do it mummy i do it..and its taking an age to get anything done. I cant leave her whilst I shower etc cos she'll have trashed something or be screaming for something.

Remember those days when you were tired with a newborn and people say "its gets worse" ha ha and you think "cheers for that" well i long for the day i could leave her in a moses basket in the bathroom whilst I showered!

I'm not sure if any of these tips would help... but my DD has a treat and watches Octonauts on Sky Plus in my bedroom whilst I shower (breakables removed, with doors all open so she can see me - cold and no dignity but it keeps her relatively still for five minutes!). And I have given up expecting to anything in a hurry - she often takes 45 minutes to eat breakfast, and I get on with my jobs - washing up, packing her snacks on her nursery days etc etc. I am lucky as I work from home, so generally the time pressure is not there. However on days I have to go to London for meetings and I stress there is urgency she seems to react reasonably well (chop chop Mummy she says!). When I posted last week I was having a HORRIBLE time with her. And this week things are so much better (apart from tears this morning about having to wear a coat... and wearing a nappy, but at least she let me clean her teeth to the count of three....!!!). So it does come and go - but being woken early is going to take it out of you and make things much harder.