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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD in her own room - need reassurance

28 replies

MmeButterfly · 14/10/2010 19:10

Hi all,
Please reassure me I've been bedsharing on and off with bf 6 month old dd but since she's started eating solids during the day she is sleeping better on her own in her cot. But, lastnight we had a return to the 2.30am party til 5am and i felt really defeated. I just don't think i can do this anymore.
DH and i spoke about trying her in her own room this weekend which today felt like a good idea. I guess i have all sorts of doubts about it now though. On one hand, i need sleep and some privacy would be great for me and dh. I know there's no guarantee she will sleep better but its worth a try?
On the other hand, i feel guilty (seems silly), and i might miss her. I feel like i'm being too attached!!
Overall, i do want to give it a go and if it works well, the whole family's well being will improve. I could really do with some reassurance from others who might have dealt with this or who have any advice.

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ComeScareWithMe · 14/10/2010 19:19

I recently moved and put dd in her own room -it was a big step and a bit scary (for me not her!) the first night.
But the sleep without an elbow or knee in my face was lovely and she is sleeping slightly better at night too.
You still hear every little snuffle and cry they make I think your mind is just trained for it during the first 18 10 years of their life .

Good luck.

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 14/10/2010 19:23

Thanks Scary! I can relate about elbows! It will be nice to be woken up by having my face grabbed too!

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otchayaniye · 14/10/2010 20:00

I put my child in her own bed at 21 months and it worked like a dream. She'd been fed to sleep until then (now feeds sporadically) and was a frequent waked.

I guess she was ready and fully understood. I hear you on the wanting your bed back! But my deep down need to bedshare overrode that. But I was getting really fed up towards the end.

Don't worry about being too attached. To me, and other AP-ers it's desirable.

Good luck

thisisyesterday · 14/10/2010 20:02

aww she will be fine! you will miss her though

i remember about oooh, 5 years ago I was posting the exact same thing! and some lovely mumsnetters said kind words to me, so i feel i should do so as well :)

i hope you all get some more sleep tonight

GingerCursedEeeee · 14/10/2010 20:07

Moving my DD into her own room was a major turning point for us, we ALL slept so much better immediately. She was 5mo IIRC.

Now when we have to share a room with her (staying at friends etc) it's a nightmare, when she wakes for a feed she tends not to go back off because she knows I'm still there IYSWIM.

Having said that, by the time we moved her I was SO ready to do it due to intense sleep deprivation and various practical considerations re the usage of our bedroom (hanging up laundry etc, not the other!) so I didn't have the feelings of doubt that you are experiencing.

In conclusion, try it, you might like it - and you can always move her back if you hate it.

Scarlett175 · 14/10/2010 20:43

hi there

I 'think' we will be moving our DD into her room also this weekend :(

We both feel a bit emotional about it but seems the right thing to do- she has just turned exactly 6 months, and sleeping a bit better (except when we accidentally wake her up)

The last 2 nights we have slept in spare room leaving her in ours (cot bed too big to move until we are sure) and spare room just next door. To be fair she does seem to wake less often, once last night and twice the night before, so it does seem that we were waking her however quietly we would sneak in...

have to say I cannot wait to read a book in peace with the light on!!!

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 14/10/2010 21:50

Scarlett, that's a good point. It will be nice to read again! Thanks everyone, i do feel more confident.
Ginger - yes, i can always move her back in if i feel to much of a wrench.
Yesterday - thanks for spreading the good vibes. It does help when you feel others have been through it
Otch - i know. I've loved bedsharing until i get too tired and then need a bit more space. Maybe if i get more sleep we can work in some bed sharing time in the mornings or something. I guess we'll work it out. I'm glad i've done it for the short time i have though.

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GingerCursedEeeee · 14/10/2010 21:52

I bring DD in to bed for her early morning feed, that way we get lovely family cuddles before DH goes off to work.

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 14/10/2010 21:57

Ginger yeah that sounds lovely. Thanks for the reassurance. I'll be back on here looking for more if it gets too traumatic!! xx

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moppetymum · 14/10/2010 21:58

Do you want her to still be coming into your bed when she's 5? I'm afraid that happens to 2 of my friends and it's so difficult to solve.
My 2 children were moved into their own rooms at 3 months (with baby monitors of course) and were both fine. Sleeping bags are fantastic as they keep well snuggled.

My philosophy is, the earlier you do these sort of things, the easier they find it to adapt. Mine are age 5 and 3 and we have a very close bond - good luck.

Ragwort · 14/10/2010 22:01

My DS went in his own room at 10 days - no baby monitor - he is the world's best sleeper .

I am sure as moppetymum says that the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

otchayaniye · 14/10/2010 22:34

moppetymum. There's no evidence that that's the case. I waited until mine was ready (21 months) and she was happy, understood, and slept through that night. She has the odd night where she wakes up and comes through but if it's before 5am I put her back.

When I'd tried before it just didn't work. Too many tears, too stressful, too tied up with demand feeding.

Good luck OP, she could be ready now.

piscesmoon · 14/10/2010 22:56

I think it is fine-sleep was the thing we all needed in our house and it was much better in own rooms.

moppetymum · 15/10/2010 22:09

yes otchayaniye we are all talking about our own experience of course - i wasn't saying that there was any 'evidence' just my own experience and that of my pals

GingerCursedEeeee · 17/10/2010 19:47

MmeButterfly did you go for it this weekend? How did it go?

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 18/10/2010 19:34

Hi Ginger yes we did but we also did CC after much deliberation. Poor DD. She had alot to contend with but she's getting there now. She slept really well lastnight though, only waking up at 4am. I fed her and then after a bit more crying she went to sleep til 7.30 am.
I do really miss her! I must admit though, having our room back is quite nice. I'd forgotten how much me and DH chat before our sleepy time! Plus, i'm really enjoying DD's room. Its really peaceful and ordered in there. I think we're all going to make it....

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Original poster

MmeButterfly · 18/10/2010 19:36

Scarlett how did you go?

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GingerCursedEeeee · 19/10/2010 10:23

Excellent, well done all of you! We did CC actually last night as we have decided no more night feeds (she's 8mo) - mainly because I am completely exhausted to the point of illness! So I sympathise completely. We did it before when she took to standing up in her cot and nothing else would work, in order to get her to go off to sleep on her own - and it worked! Stick with it. :)

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 19/10/2010 20:01

Brilliant Ginger - i'm glad someone's doing it at the same time. How are you finding it on your nerves? i find it really upsetting listening to her crying and waiting before going in! Having said that, this evening she took a minute and a half to settle so things are looking up. Lastnight she only woke at midnight for ten mins and didn't take a feed!

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GingerCursedEeeee · 19/10/2010 23:38

Ace! well done. I think it really has its place and works quickly, the reason i did it to start with was that anything else (shush patting etc) only wound her up more, so CC actually calms her more quickly! Fingers crossed for tonight :)

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 20/10/2010 10:27

Ginger - she slept from 7pm lastnight right through til 8.15am this morning!!! [hgrin] She only cried for a minute at bedtime! This morning she was sleepy again about half nine so went up to her room, put the curtains on and fed her. Put her down about 9.50 and she didn't even cry!!! [hshock] I was so surprised and a little bit bemused that i phoned the HV to check it was normal!!
Looking back, i think its been me needing the reassuring night feeds and the cuddles more than her. I've probably been responding straight away rather than waiting which has disturbed her, for my needs rather than hers. What an eye opener!! Hows it going with yours? xx

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GingerCursedEeeee · 20/10/2010 18:16

OH MY GOD!!!! I am so jealous but v pleased for you! Brilliant, well done - I reckon I used to do exactly the same with DD, pounce on her too quickly rather than giving her the chance to fall back to sleep.

Last night went fairly well for us in that DD woke at 5.30, 5.45 and 6 but settled quickly each time, waking properly at 7. I feel confident now that she doesn't need a night feed so we're going to carry on with the non-feeding and DH going to settle her until she gets the message and loses the habit of waking up!

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 20/10/2010 20:37

Good luck Ginger - my dh is on standby to do any night visits too. I think it really helps their relationship too as Dh is at work all day so doesn't get much time with her. Hopefully though tonight will be much the same as lastnight. I'm soooo tired myself though tonight, more than i have been for ages maybe because my body/mind has realised that it might get a whole nights sleep again!!

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petisa · 20/10/2010 23:49

Hello, my dd1 and I co-slept until she was six months old, and when we decided to move her to her own room I was nervous and sad about it too. It went like a dream, we all slept better (she was flinging her limbs around the place by then), and on the first night I missed her, but on the second I loved it!

Original poster

MmeButterfly · 21/10/2010 09:15

Yeah i must admit i'm enjoying it more now! it did my head in a bit the first couple of nights but we're all sleeping much better now. She goes into a really deep sleep too which i'm sure must be better for her than being woken up by dh snoring and my telling dh to stop snoring all night long!! [hgrin]
Did you do CC?

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