3.5 yr old won't stay in his bed

[ektorpjennylund]

Not sure if I should have posted this in "Sleep" but here goes.

DS1 3 1/2 has always been a bad sleeper. ie. Has never consistently slept through the night. We have essentially had the same routine with him since he was 5 months old - bath, story, tuck in, lights out - obviously modified as he has gotten older - brushing teeth etc.
He had always gone to bed pretty well and stayed put but waking multiple times a night.

However, ever since his baby brother was born 3 months ago he simply cannot stay put in his bed after we say Goodnight. He can be up and down the stairs for three or four hours. It's a nightmare. I kind of let him away with it at the beginning as I saw it as a symptom of the upheaval with having a newborn in the house.But now it is totally out of control.

The naughty spot simply doesn't work.
I have tried putting him back to bed silently but eventually he gets the better of me.I've tried reasoning with him and he promises he'll try to stay in bed but obviously the temptation is too much for him.

For the past 5 nights my DH has been sitting in with him and silently putting him back to bed every time he gets out. He might get out of bed, oh, 50 times... Last night (the 5th night) was no better than any of the nights before. It took 3 hours before he finally fell asleep. To be honest I can't see this method working.

We just want him to stay in his bed. I know he'll still get up in the night but really need him to understand that "Goodnight" means Goodnight.

Please help. We are not getting a minutes break and are up all night every night between him and 3 month old DS2

TIA

I think you should persevere with returning him silently. It will get better, honest. He has learnt that you give up eventually. Be strong!

Could a stair get across his bedroom door help?

He'd scale a starigate in a second ff
He's a tenacious sort. Can't see my DH sitting in his room indefinitely

We had this with ds1 and there was no quck solution I'm afriad. we just did what your doing for ages. Eventually, he stayed in his room. Now ( he's 5) he will read or play in his room until he falls asleep, but it took a while to get there!!

Ds2 is 3 and we are just about to put him into a bed, I am not looking forward to doing it again and no 2 is aloty more strongwilled!!!

Good Luck

Just reread your post, we sat outside the door of his room rather than in with him, so maybe thats worth a go?!

I sit on the floor in-between my boys beds till they fall asleep, tis not an easy alternative but it works, and quite quickly, they can both lean over have a cuddle but once lights are off we say night night sleep well etc and remind them they need to sleep all night to become big strong super hero's like sportacus or whoever is the fav at the mo... But theres no talkin after that and they go to sleep happily :) if they get up during the night I bring to the toilet if needed (ds2 is only 2.6 but hates nappies and never let's himself wee in it! ) then a cuddle and tuck back into bed... Ds1 (just turned 4) goes back to sleep no bother but ds2 can drive me loopy comin in and out again and again till he eventually falls back to sleep or I let him in my bed for a cuddle and he'll nod off much quicker but I dont want him to get into the habit of that... Anyways hope it gets better soon for you, I know for a fact it will be a long long time till I could just put my boys in bed and leave them to fall asleep but they grow up so so fast I don't mind doing it for now...

I agree, I think DH should leave the room and then keep returning him. I've seen this done on House of Tiny Tearaways. It could take a couple of hundred returns a night for up to 5 nights, so persevere.

I have three children. I have found with all of them that they go through phases in which they are desperate to be close to you at night. What worked with all three of them was to let them. So if I was you, when he comes down, I would say: "Would you like to fall asleep in Mummy and Daddy's bed tonight?" Let him do that, then carry him over to his bed when you go up. In my experience once they know they are allowed, after not too long a time they grow out of that particular phase all by himself. Much less stressful and traumatic than returning him hundreds of times to his bed.

i had a really similar situation apart from the fact it was my pregnancy rather than birth of baby which set it off. i have also spoken to a lot of mums who are experiencing the same thing at this age.

we are having fab results after a couple of horrific months using a sticker chart in conjunction with a gro clock. the clock is amazing, you tell them a story, say goodbye to the sun they press a button and the stars show on the clock. at the pre set time the sun shows on the clock. they then have the grown up job of having to wakt you up when they see the sun.

if my little one does this (without getting out of bed, shouting, or waking us up in the night at all) then he gets a sticker. after 20 stickers he gets the toy he has chosen, stuck on the sticker chart. it took a while of perserverence and the rules have got tougher as he has learnt.

gradually it gets easier but you have to get a few wins so they see their success. we did a toy car after 1 sleep to begin with, then stretched ou the award with better toys.

next month we are doing a whole month before toys are awarded...

simple rules help. also it stops you getting annooyed, they can get out of bed, be apain but its their choice.. they wont get their sticker and ultimately their prize so it involves your child actively choosing good behaviour!! rather than being coerced.

i feel your pain though... hard work!!!!

oh on the nights they fail, they just get told 'oh what a shame, no sticker.. lets try again tonight' until it gets drilled into their heads how to behave.

we also got parents, friends and nursery involved with praising and encouragement (i informed them of the plan and they kept going on about how grown up boys wait until the sun comes up before they wake up/how exciting it was to see their stickers!!) it was hard work but becomes less ahrd work and you have to repeat yourself less and less. in the night just repeat, "remember your stickers, its up to you. would ou elike to snuggle down again now?" keep repeating the rules before sleep and in the morning discuss how well they did, how they could have got the sticker (not shouted/got out ofbed). never tell them in the night "yiu arent having your sticker" wait until the morning to deliver your verdict...

good luck! we are hoping this choosing to sleep will encourage him to make good decisions by himself in the future- good behaviour is rewarded, bad behaviour only impacts upon them, not u.

Mandy,
My ds (2.9) has similar sleep issues as the op - what age did you start your sticker plan with your dc?
thanks

i tried stickers when he was 2 for potty training and he didnt get it. ben was 3.1 and it tok a while. i think that yours is old enough, worth a try!! i spoke to our parent liaison lady where i work (school) who gave me guidelines on what to do.

basically let them choose the motivation (for me it had to be a toy as i couldnt reward with my time, i feel that should be a gven rather than a reward). we had fun looking through argos finding things he liked.. we started off with a car of his choice from the big toy shop in town (a big event to go with daddy and choose one!! very exciting). when he managed a night (he yelled out but went back to sleep when i reminded him then he got the reward.

we also make sure he gets a star sticker on his jumper so he can proudly show everyone he got his sticker for 'sleeping all night'.. my mum used to pretend to catch sight of it and gasp 'what is that winderful sticker you have got??' what a clever clever boy etc etc...

my little one would get hysterical and refuse to sleep from 2am.. returning to bed just did not work. he is a clever mite and just decided he wouldnt do as he was asked.. would get out of bed, scream, then he started refusing to go to bed and just sat looking at me with his eyebrow raised as if to say 'make me, go on try' so we had to try and encourage him to decide that he wanted to again!!

it has taken about 3 months from start to finish but its has been brilliant. now he goes to bed 7-7.30 asleep within 10 mins (not shouting at all allowed these days) and then wakes at 6.40 when the sun comes up. some nights it fails but the majority it works npw. i actually feel really confident as he is choosing it rather than me just playing with daytime routines to tire him out.. if that makes sense? i feel i have won a battle!! and no losing my temper either anymore, i was turning into a mad woman!!

i intend to get a weekend lie in until 7.30 eventually but think am pushing my luck right now!!!!

xx
xx

oh and stick the picture of their reward on the sticker chart sop they can see it which encourages motivation!!! really build it up!!!

We're doing the sticker/reward chart too with DS1 (2.9). Started about 2 weeks ago and he's had 3 nights of staying in bed until morning. I am hoping it will get better but may try to up the reward and get him to choose the toy.

Going to bed is a problem if he has slept in the day. We occasionally let him stay up later if that's the case, or he goes to sleep on the family room sofa if he just will not stay in bed. DH then transfers him to his bed upstairs.

Another friend found the sleep fairy method worked for her 3 year old DD. She hung a sleep fairy clutching a basket on the bedroom door handle. If she didn't get out of her room until morning, there would be a prize waiting for her in the sleep fairy's basket, but if she got out in the night then there wouldn't be a reward.