6 yr old boy behaviour issues at school

[louizanka]

Hello, my 6 year old is a happy and active boy. At his old and new school teachers have pointed they have issues with him settling down to do tasks, paying attention and fidgeting. I think they are suspecting ADHD, and will refer him for an evaluation. His school work os really good and he is in the top sets for reading, maths etc. His dad thinks is down to him being a boy, and not being mature yet and he handles that by trying to dicipline him strictly and shouting at him. This is causing a lot of friction between us two as parents as I don't agree with how he deals with this. This is tearing up apart and we need to work out what is causing my son;s behaviour and agree a united way of dealign with it. Anyone experience a similar situation?

Just sounds like any other boy to me - don't worry about it. Concentrate on praising your child when he does concentrate, settle down quickly, doesn't fidget, he will probably grow out of it.

Hopefully the teachers will do the same and won't rush to label your child. Ask the teacher to offer verbal incentives and play incentives to get him to work in the way required in the classroom. You can back this up at home with a similar reward system. Hope you feel a bit happier about school soon - academically he sounds like a great little boy and I bet he has loads of personality too.

I think that if two schools are talking to you about the same issues, then it is something you should explore further with them.

How is his behaviour at home?

Has your dh been with you to talk to the teachers? What strategies do they use that work? Could these strategies be used at home too?

Would you and your dh consider attending a parenting course so that you have time to discuss your parenting techniques in a group with others?

two schools have talked to you not are talking to you

My ds2 aged 7 had a dx of ADHD. This could have been talking 2 years ago when DH behaved in the exact same way. It took the child physch to talk very directly to my DH about how to 'handle' out ds2. I have a much higher tolerance of noise, activity etc then DH ... he can't stand anyone fidgeting around him or talking lots. He would yell at ds2 to shut up and we had many fall outs over it. Once the professionals had spoken to my DH and explained to him the importance of mutual respect and being calm around him, he had to regulate his own reaction to ds2. They also pointed out the importance of the son/dad relationship and how the boys usually migrates to his dad around aged 8, and this was a crucial point in their personal development. It was much more in depth then this, but you get my drift. In other words, if your son has any behaviour disorder e.g.: adhd, his environment and how his parents behave around him and react to him, will have a huge impact on the outcome. I've done a few more bits to combat my son's over activeness and lack of concentration, if you want to know, I'll post them.

I saw an article written by a headmaster which said it was perfectly normal for boys to be fidgety in school and it helped them concentrate.

Also, in Raising Boys Steve Biddulph says many boys showing signs of ADHD are actually perfectly normal but are showing signs of attention deficit disorder in the literal sense, ie they need to be paid more attention. We have cottoned on to this with our 7 year old son and his daddy is making a real effort to spend more time with him, as am I and it is helping.

Shouting is very tempting but never really gets anywhere, they just switch off.

Really important to show a united front and to have a bit of sympathy for each other. Your hubby is probably feeling very out of control. Problems is the more he shouts the more out of control the situation becomes. Don't let a wedge come between you - coping on your own would be far harder.

Thanks all, some very useful and sensible advice there. Things seemed to have settled down a bit, we are acting united, and using positive encourgament. We also plan to use some concentration games, to help him learn how to focus his attention. Apparently a very telling sign of ADHD is wrestless and interrupted sleep at night...

Not necessarily .... my son's never had problems falling asleep or staying asleep. What you really need to be thinking of is if his traits are seriously affecting school, home life or forming relationships with his peers. Dad has to be involved LOTS !!