Tantrum problems with 3 year old

[felders77]

Can anyone help!
I have a usually delightful three year old girl who has for the last fours days refused to wear any clothes. This has not been a problem until today when trying to get her ready for nursery! I have no problem with her being naked around the house but when we are trying to leave the house in the morning it is a problem! Before this she had just become very into clothes and was happy to pick out what she wanted to wear and put it on. We have also just bought her a load of new clothes but she refuses to wear them, even though she picked them out in the shop.
There has been conflict between me and her for some months now which I was putting down to just a clash in personalities (she and I are very different) and she would only play up with me but over the last couple of weeks her behaviour has manifested around everyone who has come into contact with her (apart from, interestingly, the nursery). She is rude, sometimes violent (throwing things deliberately), slamming doors, shouting in your face and just down right horrible to be around. Yet, like flicking on a switch, she can be as nice as pie again. I have a year old daughter who my eldest seems to get on well with so I don't think there is a jealousy issue.

We have tried to discipline her by smacking (as a last resort) but this doesn't seem to make any difference.

Is there anything we can do? Is it just a phase?

No real advice, except to say, she's not the only one being like it! I've just gone through 3 months of dd doing similar, at least every other day,it's been very wearing and upsetting. She last had a massive tantrum almost two weeks ago though, and it seems to have stopped for the present.(keeping my fingers crossed!) She still throws a bit of a strop, but nothing like she was. I found that once she was having a tantrum, no amount of trying to talk or distract her out of it worked, it's very hard, but ignoring as much as possible was best, and trying to walk away - she clung to my leg- was the best way to stop me getting angry and her to calm down. Anything else seemed to provoke and prolong it. Hard work, but being consistant and trying not to get emotional about it, was the best way to keep some of my sanity during a tantrum! Good luck!

My son is the same. He has been like it for a year. It is worse now he is 3 1/2. He punches, kicks, pinches, shouts, screams, throws things... I am on anti-depressants and my mum says I need a medal. Like your daughter he is lovely at pre-school. They didn't believe me until they saw a recording of him calming down - Kicking a door and screaming "NO, NOOOOO!" I had asked him to put his tee shirt on. He can do it easily. I have a book called Raising a Spirited Child from Amazon. It makes you feel normal and not your fault, as most of my friends don't understand. It also gives advice on things to try. I have found it helpful and non judgemental. I am at the stage where I don't like him very much and refer to him as a sod. I think I need to get the book out to make me feel human!

Spanky2, you poor thing. Try to focus on not liking the child's behaviour rather than the child. You will get through this. The Tanja Byron books are good too if you want another read.

Thankyou wannabeglam. I will go on to Amazon now. I've decided to do more focussed time on him e.g baking, learning letters e.t.c. You are right because he does have lots of good qualities, it's just difficult sometimes to remember them!