My dd is 4 next month. She's had a major change recently in that we had a baby girl three weeks ago, whom she loves. She's at her happiest getting things for the baby, choosing clothes for her to wear the next day, helping with her bath etc etc. We've tried to build on these positives by using them as incentives e.g. if dd1 gets her pyjamas on quickly she can help with dd2's bath, which has had limited success but...
the tantrums and obstinate behaviour are driving me up the wall. I have an 18-month-old ds too, and on a typical morning I get up at 5.30, bf the baby, then get myself ready, and spend from 7am until 9am trying to coax the nearly 4 yr old to eat breakfast, get washed, get dressed and get out the door for pre-school. I can easily get the 18-month-old and newborn ready, nappies changed numerous times, fed etc in half the time it takes me to get my eldest ready. This usually results in me screaming the place down (I know, I know) and pushing her out of the door. We arrive at pre-school in a complete state, and it isn't right, I know. Then in the evening it starts again around tea time, with slow eating (she'd take over an hour if she could, be we set a limit of 20 minutes) and bath-time (again each individual task takes endless time - getting clothes off, going to the toilet, getting teeth brushed). She will scream 'no!' in my face when I ask her to do something. We've tried quiet time then time out having done a triple p course with my health visitor, but this doesn't work as she's not bothered at all about time out as a sanction, and just screams the place down and thrashes about. We've tried star charts with small toys as rewards, we've tried making everything a game e.g. a race with Daddy every morning to see who can get dressed first, with baby 'guessing' who is going to win... Nothing seems to work though. She is incredibly hard work, and puts her hands over her ears when I tell her something she doesn't want to do, which is basically everything! I know she's had a major change in the arrival of her new sibling, and perhaps my expectations are too high as she is still only three, but I hate the way she talks to me, shows no willingness to do anything, and am really begining to dislike her, although I still love her if you know what I mean! Anybody??