DS 8wks old, DD (2.11yrs) just started playing up, what is the best approach?

[AliceandtheGinormousBaps]

Hello

DS is nearly 8wks old, DD is 2.11yrs. DD has been so good with DS and absolutely adored him despite all my fears of her getting jealous etc.

However, the last week or so DD's behaviour has started slipping. I have given her the benefit of doubt over the reason for this - halfway through potty training, a couple of night wakings (nightmares we think) which is very rare for her, lots of bugs going round etc. Late last week though i caught her pulling DS's hair. I was very calm about it and explained that it wasn't a very nice thing to do and would make him sad - left it at that. She has since been quite rough with him, giving his swing a really hard push when he is in it, same with the carseat, wanting to push his buggy and if the break is on trying to pull it over, climbing on him, poking him with things. I don't think she is intending to hurt him as such, more that she gets a rise from me iyswim?

She now throws tantrums when put to bed, wakes up early and sometimes during the night, so is tired and manic all day making the day harder for everyone.

I was wondering if a time out type thing would work? We use a sticker chart for good behaviour and although i try very hard to be calm and rational i have ended up screaming at her a few times

Any tips/advice/own experiences please?

duh - brake, not break

bump

Our DS1 did this about 8 weeks after DS2 came home too. DS1 had previously stroked him, got him food, waved toys at him to make him laugh, all of which got a response which pleased DS1, and been rather uninterested in him when, for instance, he was asleep. But then he started pushing him over, and when asked why, going 'cos he cry', which got us both thinking we had a total nutter on our hands. But then he stopped, and went back to doing nice things. Think, basically, DS1 just didn't really know what DS2 DID, and was interested in what would happen in response to certain actions-just like pressing buttons or opening doors. Once we got that into our heads, just a matter of saying 'no, because' in the same way you would any other dangerous game. Ten months on DS1 very clear DS2 is a person, and that they are a pair.

Handling DS1 when he was a pain was really hard, but we just tried as if the brother were not an issue, trying to work out why he was bothered and upset and not assuming it was his brother. But it's exhausting, and your DP and anyone else will really need to help out. You can do it on your own, but you'll need many bumps here. First one from me.

Thank you

Today is going better than yesterday so far.

DD seems to be worse when DS is wailing, she gets very manic and hyper and really plays up so between them they get me really stressed at the same time. I suppose that is why she does it when he cries, the more annoying one gets the attenton first!

DH is very busy with work this month which is probably adding to the stress

We tried distracting DS1 with tasks when DS2 cried-get the bottle, burpy etc. Made him feel like he was being given attention whilst doing what we had to. We also persuaded him (eventually) that a feed for DS2 was a sign he could choose a favourite book to read. But it took time, and at the moment same vying for attention at nights reoccuring (DS2 doing that clingy thing which stops self-settling even though he was fine before)

What AofB says - yes, the older one wants to find out what noises etc the little one will make when pushed, pinched etc and what the adults around them will do.

We never had a honeymoon period with my dd when ds was born - she wasn't ready to be usurped from being the baby and the only one, and it was very exhausting for a while. The best strategy I found (courtesy of Penelope Leach) was to not worry about the older one liking the little one, but to convince the older one that the little one really likes them, then they'll naturally repicate. So lots of 'oh, he's smiling just for you', 'you're his favourite' etc.

Also, if the older one does hit or hurt the younger one, I found that ignoring the older one and making lots of fuss of the little one - 'poor ds, did dd hurt you? What a shame. She knows how to be gentle and kind and she sometimes forgets' etc quickly reduced the number of incidents and meant that any that did occur were over much quicker.

It gradually gets better and by the time the little one reached a year, they were the best of friends.

A whole year?!

I will try that approach of ignoring DD if she does something mean to DS and mking a fuss of him as at the moment i have ended up shouting at her, which makes her laugh and carry on and the shouting upsets DS even more. Thank you