Have I totally miss understood how to potty train?

[ooooooeak]

We started with DS 2 years 9 months at the beginning of September. I regually took him to the loo and asked if he needed to go.

So far loads of poo in pants but most wees in the loo! 9/10 days no wee accidents I would say...except nursery when he is far to busy to stop and go.

Anyway it was pointed out to me today he never ever asks to go. True, he doesn't as we always take him regually. Poo almost always in pants unless I catch him and insist its on the potty.

So its now October......where do I go from here??!!

Totally confussed!

I started training my DS just before he turned 3. I can honestly say that it is only in the last few months (he is now almost 4) that I can tell he knows when to go for a wee (he got the poo bit within a few weeks of starting).

I still have to remind if I see him dancing but I think no amount of coaxing/rewarding/whatever made any difference to how quickly he managed to work it out.

Be really really patient. Even now if my DS gets ill or very tired, he will still have the odd accident.

Hope this helps. There is a toilet training section on here somewhere.

Thank you! Was starting to think I should go back to nappies

Ooooeak, you have my DS! Although mine is a few weeks older, we started at the same time and are in exactly the same situation. He has only said once, 'I need a wee' and relies on us taking him. It doesn't help that his speech isn't brilliant and we are waiting for a speech therapy referral. I think we're in for the long haul. Any tips gratefully received!

I was considering not asking him anymore??! Perhaps wet pants might help the situation?? Although pooy pants haven't!!
Nursery tell me poo always takes longer but I can't understand why.....
Glad I'm not alone dietstartstmoz!

Maybe try on days when you are at home just not reminding him? Wet pants at home are easily dealt with.

He must have some bladder control to be 'holding' it until you ask, try giving him rewards if he manages it.....

switch the tap on when he is on the loo this will make him wee

Ds was the same and it's only in the last few weeks really that he's consistently been asking to go or taking himself to the loo (and still the odd accident if he's busy).

He's nearly 4.

Tbh, I think if we'd started potty training a month ago we'd be exactly at the same point now, rather than having suffered a year of wet pants.

And not telling ds to go meant wet pants - that was the sticking point. He really doesn't mind being wet/dirty. It's sooooo frustrating.

Will do! Why do some get it so much quicker than others!

I keep thinking he will go to school like this!

I think it's a developmental thing. Some sit up earlier than others, some talk sooner, etc. The thing is, those whose children train quickly think they are some sort of toilet training genius, when actually they are just lucky!

My DD (only 17 months) comes and 'tells' me when she has just done a poo. She knows it is coming and often leaves the room to do it! Has done for ages. DS would happily sit in his own poo, it never bothered him. I would say that although he got the hang of sitting on the loo and doing a wee within a week, the poo did take longer but once he had got the hang of it, it was rare for him to poo in his pants. The wee in pants, damp spots, etc, etc. seemed to go on forever afterwards though!

My son turned 3 in may and we potty trained him at the end of june as that was when we felt he was 'ready' he was dry within a few days altho we still have the odd accident now and again and he always waits until his bladder is full to bursting before he goes to wee....however

he pood his pants every day for about 2 months!! just could not get the hang of it at all, and wasn't remotely upset when it happened (so different to girls) but now he's got it so don't worry, lots of patience (and cheap pants) and washing powder, good luck

Well today DS did 6, yes 6 poos in his pants....no wees but 6 poos!! I could cry!

Oh no, 6 poo's! is that a record? We have had about 4 sets of pooey pants some days though, the poor washing machine!
It's very frustrating though, my Ds is not bothered by the poo in pants either and i'm sure he would just sit in it, he doesn't tell me when he has done it. The only thing I have worked out is that he is usually standing when he poos in nappies and now pants, and now we are asking him to sit down to poo, and he is a very active boy so sitting down does not come naturally to him. I think bribery is the way forward.

This thread has made me feel so much better! I just posted the following in Potty Training. Sorry for the hijack but I would really appreciate your thoughts:

I'm in the midst of potty training DS1 who is 2 1/2 years old. We had been doing preparation (e.g sitting him on the potty) for several months then 3 weeks ago he wanted to wear only big boy pants so I bought a travel potty and we went for it. He did really well for a while and even took himself off to use the potty for either a pee or a poo. However, we don't seem to be making any progress, in fact, 3 weeks later he is having more accidents than ever as most times he forgets to ask to go and wets/poos himself. This morning he did a few wees on the potty put then a poo in his pants. Really hard not to be annoyed with him! I don't want to put him back in nappies (and he certainly doesn't want to wear them) but I can't keep washing 3 pairs of trousers a day! I remind him as often as I can but he always says "no" but then often goes a few minutes later. If I insist he uses the potty then he gets upset. I've also tried bribery which often works but then next time he forgets and we have an accident. He shows all the signs of being ready, his speech his excellent, he can pull his pants down and use the toilet etc, expect that he is most often, in fact always, not dry after his afternoon nap. Does that mean anything? He is doing 3 mornings at nursery and uses the toilet there successfully, asking to go several times so I don't understand why he doesn't do this at home or when we're out. No idea where to go from here. Should I put him back in pull ups or persevere? I know I need to be relaxed about it but for some reason its making me really upset as I really think he understands but for some reason isn't doing it. Also, if you have to remind them ALL the time, are they definitely ready? Shouldn't they sometimes remember themselves or is this part of the training?

Hang on....

He has no accidents at nursery??!! With all the distractions at nursery he is doing amazingly then!! Does he take himself at nursery or do they take him?

He asks to go, can you believe it?? The other children all go regularly so I think he likes to copy them (they are all a bit older as the nursery is from 2 1/2 and he is the youngest) but I ask every time whether he used the potty and he regularly tells the teachers he needs to go. Having said that, he has only done wees at the nursery which is a bit strange as he often has a poo in the morning. So yes, at nursery he does all his wees on the toilet. At home he used to remember to do his poos (but he is now forgetting) and occasionally does wees there. I have no idea what is going on. Another thing which is really annoying is that every time he goes to bed or has a nap he insists he needs the potty. He does often then wee or poo but is using it as tactic to delay going to bed. But this too also indicates that he knows what he is supposed to do. Doing it is another matter I guess!

so it's not just my DS then? He's 3 next month and obviously has bladder control to the extent that he can stay dry all day but only if I put him on the potty regularly. He is dry after a nap if he went just before. But he will just stand or sit wherever he is and wee. Sometimes he will tell me accident and othertimes he doesn't say anything. So frustrating. He did however start telling me when he needs a poo from just after he turned 2 and we have only had a couple of poo accidents in pants. I just don't think he recognises the sensation of needing to go until it is too late. The few times he has told me he needs a wee is if he's heard me go to the loo in the night when he has a nappy on. I still put him on the potty though and he will perform. Just hoping one day soon it will just click.

My son took his nappies off at 2 years 3 months and trained himself really. My niece still had nappies, would cuddle them if mum tried to get rid of them, then at 3 and half decided she'd prefer pants. I think children are ready at different ages. You don't see any child go to school with nappies - don't get too stressed about it.

DS1 has always liked using the washing machine, so finds accidents quite fun (shall I put clothes in 'chine?). Didn't buy the growing up thing ('not want teach stupe-stupe studes like Daddy'). At grandparents will ask or go on his own cos my Dad goes apeshit about mess (and has the 'discipline the bugger' attitude of those of his generation and class who have never actually done any fulltime childcare).

Don't know what to do really except persevere, and remember that it isn't a mechanical process, context is all. Perhaps try and work out when he did ask and replicate the context a little, or even let him wet himself if he doesn't?

If it was me (and it was a while back!) I would just gradually start leaving it longer between taking him - so he a) learns to hold on a bit, and b) starts to get that feeling of needing it
good luck!