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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ultra demanding 10 month old...

14 replies

Flowerface · 11/10/2010 19:11

I am feeling really desperate about 10 mo DD. She is utterly charming in many ways. She is also a little madam. She has perfected an angry yell of ear-shattering volume, and she uses it often... I cannot leave the room at home without her screaming, and she won't sit in a high-chair, car seat or pushchair. I look with envy at those people who can just bung their children in the pushchair and take off to the park - this results in a tantrum from DD. It just feels so utterly exhausting and draining. Sleeping is also rubbish at present, which I am pretty sure is teeth, but is contributing to me feeling really hopeless...

What, if anything, can I do to try to teach her that angry screaming doesn't get results (because it usually does...)?

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RuthChan · 11/10/2010 19:50

I'm afraid you've said it yourself, at the moment screaming gets results and therefore it continues.
She is not too young to learn that manipulating you does not work. You must not let it work.
If she screams when you leave the room, don't go back. Go back when she stops screaming.
If she won't sit in her high-chair, don't feed her. Let her watch you eat your meal until she is ready to sit down quietly and eat her own.
If she screams when you put her in her pushchair, don't take her to the park.

It is really hard, but you need to be sure that you stop rewarding her for this behaviour. She has learned that she can control and manipulate you by screaming. You need to be even more stubborn and be sure to never reward her with what she wants.

Good luck!

thisisyesterday · 11/10/2010 19:53

maybe it's separation anxiety, or maybe she is just feeling rotten due to lack of sleep and teething pain

she isn't manipulating you, she is a little baby. she's only been alive for 10 months!!! she needs you

if she is screaming it's because that's her only way of communicating, and she is using it to tell you something is wrong.
be there for her. cuddle her, take her with you... it WILL pass and you'll end up with a little girl who is secure in the knowledge that when she needs you, you're there

Original poster

Flowerface · 11/10/2010 20:39

Partially I think it is separation anxiety, which has been a problem for about five months, though is gradually improving. She is happier talking to and being temporarily left with other people now. But some of it is unmistakable anger. I have tried saying "no. Do not shout" in a calm yet firm voice, though this hasn't had any perceptible results yet...

She has always had a temper. The midwives remarked on it after she had been out for about 5 mins! I really just want to know how to behave in a way that doesn't compound the issue. I suppose just calmly letting it all wash over me would be the thing, but sadly I too have a bit of a temper...

OP posts:

3littlefrogs · 11/10/2010 20:44

Ruthchan - TBH I think your approach is suitable for a 3 year old, but not a 10 month old baby.

RuthChan · 11/10/2010 20:47

Fair point. Yes, I can see that.

MummyBerryJuice · 11/10/2010 20:54

I know how you feel Flower. My DS is very similar in temperament but I know that developmentally he is not capable of manipulation. Yes he cries/screams and it gets results but he is only just learning to communicate.

It can be very difficult when you are trying to get things done and whole (exhausting) days can go by with me feeling like nothing is accomplished.

I have recently learnt to tie the wrap in a back carry which has revolutionised my life. I was never able to get anything done in the afternoons as he wanted constant attention but now I pop him in a back carry and get on with it.

I have also noticed that he is less demanding wwhen he's had lots of social interaction so I try do something each day that brings him in contact with other babies.

Original poster

Flowerface · 12/10/2010 09:33

Yes, we do a baby group a day too, and it does help.

But I am struggling with this. Of course a 10 month old is very little, and I am not about to sit her on a naughty step. I know she is not being 'naughty' as such. But it isn't separation anxiety when she has a screaming tantrum when I'm getting her dressed, or sitting next to her in the car, is it? So 'more mummy' isn't necessarily the solution, surely...

OP posts:

Bobby99 · 12/10/2010 13:46

My 9mo is a little determined too... My dad tells me it is because she is obviously very intelligent - not like those dim babies who sit there placidly and let you do whatever you want . Indulgent Grampa!

She doesn't always get her own way, but I wouldn't dream of not feeding her though, or punishing her in any way. Babies are just too young for that.

If she kicks up a fight when I'm putting her in the car seat etc I just carry on and talk to her (even though she can't hear above the screams). She's generally a lovely sunny baby, but she does get grumpy when she's tired. Could yours be over tired?

mummycreepynora · 12/10/2010 13:52

dd was a bit like this and it was a nightmare - partially it was frustration at wanting to do what she wanted... once she started crawling (7.5 m) and then cruising she was much happier, allthough at 3.9 she is still rather 'determined' to do what SHE wants

Original poster

Flowerface · 12/10/2010 17:10

Yes, I've been told it's down to her superior intelligence too, but this is clearly just a bid to cheer us up!

She is worse when she's tired, but the car is always an absolute nightmare. I am meant to be going to my parents (3.5 hours away) next week and am absolutely dreading it... There are lots of things we don't do and people we don't see because of this (which might be rather cowardly of me...)

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BerryScaryJuice · 12/10/2010 19:52

Yes one dies feel like it is just a way to appease you. (The superior intelligence thing, I mean). My DS is also a nightmare into car and I won't really travel in the car if it is further than a hour. (He's still in a rear facing seat and I am hoping it will improve when forward facing ) But when we've had to, we try to travel during his sleep time (It does mean really late nights for us - but at least it isn't constant screaming)

Igglybuff · 12/10/2010 19:58

It sounds silly but can you reassure her with your voice? My DS (just turned 1) kicks off sometimes when I have to put him in his playpen and go to the loo - so I tell him I'll be back and keep talking as I leave the room.

Also have you thought about baby signing? Babies at that age can understand a hell of a lot - I've seen babies that age do the signs for "where", "milk" etc. My DS can sign "bird" (when he sees one), "train", "eat" and understands others. You can sign up for a class or get a DVD.

kveta · 12/10/2010 20:03

my DS was EXACTLY like this at 10 months - he's just turned 1 and is still a bit stroppy, but we've just ignored any tantrums - stepping over him when he kicks off. it is keeping them short anyway :o basically, ignore any strops unless they are obviously food/sleep related :)

in the car, is it possible for one of you to sit in the back with her whilst travelling? we find on long journeys, it's FAR easier if one of us sits in the back entertaining/feeding DS - rice cakes are the least messy food in the car seat btw :)

Original poster

Flowerface · 13/10/2010 13:51

She is slightly better when someone's next to her in the car seat - though not much. Just took her for her nursery induction and she was absolutely fine, so I think the separation anxiety's abating. A couple of months ago she would have flipped if someone else carried her off...

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