VERY headstrong 15 m.o. She can't rule the world, but how do I tell her that??!

[Hadeda]

DD2 is 15 months old. She's a lovely girl, so full of beans, can't sit still, dashes around everywhere and is absolutely into everything. Lives life at 100 miles an hour, all the time.

However...

I am really struggling to get her to listen or to understand no. You can say, shout, yell, scream "no" and she doesn't even blink. Twice today she has grabbed the compost bin and emptied things out of it. First time she took a bite out of a rotten pear that was in there.
Any idea of sharing is impossible. We had a friend over yesterday and DD1 and the friend were on the two trikes we have. DD2 wanted one, I explained she could have it next, she screamed and yelled and threw herself on the ground and kicked the floor - and she is 15 months old!!!!
She pulls hair, she pushes, she grabs other children's clothes and pulls them. Occasionally she has bitten. I know she just doesn't understand that she is big and strong - but when I stop her, get down to her level and tell her no she just grins and marches off. We have actually left toddler groups recently because my "baby" was being too rough with the 2 and 3 year olds....

Now I know that all of this behaviour is typical of her age. But "typical" does not mean it is "ok". DD1 was so much easier in this regard, for starters she seemed to understand that "no" at the very least meant "pause what you're doing"...!

Someone must have had a similar child - how do you get through to them? How to you help them to learn what is/is not acceptable behaviour? Please help before we get banned from every local playgroup...!!

Distract, distract, distract. It's a PITA, but it's true - nothing will work until she's old enough to get it. She is naturally egotistic - she's a baby; sharing is just alien to her. I know it's exhausting running round after a livewire, but anything you do won't work until she's ready for it.

Second Habbibu. There's very little you can do. In the UK people are obsessed with sharing early

I don't think behaviour modification works until their level of understanding and empathy catches up. Which can be earlier for some toddlers with certain temperaments, later for others. That's what my child psychologist friend says.

One thing, I find some parents are concerned that their toddlers' behaviour reflects on their parenting, or lack it, so get their knickers in quite a twist and embark on all sorts of misguided naughty step/\

Nothing wrong in beginning to model behaviour (and make sure that you behave with others the way you want her to learn, this is sometimes easy to forget!) and say "no" from now, and explain now, but don't expect it to be obeyed.

She'll get there. It doesn't mean that she'll be an objectionable and egotistical older child.

My 16 mo DS is getting a bit like this. If you tell him off in any way, or just say "no" to something he is trying to do (eat the cart food, climb on the windowsill), he throws himself on a floor or against a wall and bangs his head. He now has a big bruise on his forehead from banging his head on the wall when I told him to stop climbing onto a windowsill.

sorry cat food

She's way to young to understand sharing, IMHO. And about all that works with my 16 month old is distraction.

Although distraction only lasts about 10 minutes and then he's back into whatever it was I didn't want him into to begin with!

I agree with Tee. She is too young to understand sharing, I would say that starts at 2yo at the earliest.

Distract and hide. If she keeps getting into the compost bin then distract her from it, and/or hide the bin somewhere she cannot access it.

As to the behaviour with other children, I would start now with taking her away from what she is playing with if she hurts other children. Not if she does not want to share, but if she hits, bites or kicks another child then remove her from the situation. If need be, go home early. Does she like going to toddler groups?

Thank you for your replies, have been away from the computer for a bit.

MmeBody - we seem to leave toddler groups early all the time...!! She does enjoy them, charges around with her massive grin on. She is really such a happy smiling girl who lives life at top speed.

I was talking to our nanny about this as well, who seconded all of you saying she's too young, distract her and wait for her to develop enough to understand. All of which I know, and I have been there with DD1 but we never had the situation where other children started crying the moment DD1 walked in the door and before she even did anything! To be fair, the two friends whose children start crying when they see her are quite delicate little flowers - both physically and in their personality.

And to be fair, she did actually pause for a nanosecond when I said "no" to her yesterday so some progress.

I will keep reminding myself it is just [another] phase and will pass. In the meantime, we are on the look out for friends who are not delicate flowers!!

"In the meantime, we are on the look out for friends who are not delicate flowers!!"

Sounds like she should come over and play with my 14 month old DS2 - he sounds exactly like her and it is really trying, isn't it??!!!

Oh dear, I can see it would be upsetting if other children cry as soon as they see your DD.

But they are all behaving normally for toddlers, and hopefully the mothers have enough sense to realise that.

Your DD will soon change (again!), and so will their little ones. FWIW, one 19mo girl (a late stander/walker) who was very intimidated by DS and other walkers until a couple of months ago, is now the worst for hitting and not sharing.

This is normal for toddlers, and all we can do is distract. 19mo DS's interest in our fridge and its contents is driving me spare at the moment though!