I'm so exausted!! Please Help!!

[Needsupportbadly]

Sorry about this rant but I have no one else to talk too.

I have a 7 month old son who is extremely difficult to settle. He still wakes in the night 2 - 3 times and it is aweful. I feel like I am going insane. Myself and his dad can't agree on what to do as he doesn't want to try the 'cry it out' method and I want to try it. He thinks he will sleep through in his own time but at the moment I see no end to this nightmare!! (He does help a lot with the baby as he is unemployed). We only give him a bottle through the night very rarely so I don't think he is waking for food. He has 2 teeth on the bottom and I now think 2 are coming through on the top. He has only slept through 3 times in 7 months.

Also I leave our son to try and settle himself during the day at nap time but my partner goes to our son and rocks him to sleep. Our son does get very distressed and goes purple, breaths funny and it is aweful to listen too so my partner can't leave him. Once he is settled he sleeps for about 30mins - 1 hour. My partner thinks this is easier than listening to him scream for hours but I think this is contributing to him not sleeping through at night. We can't agree on what to do!

I am at college as I want us to get off benefits and I am tierd of not having enough time to do homework and to get rest!! I come in from college and see to our son, give him his tea, bath, story, bedtime routine and get him to bed while he is sleepy but awake. Once I have done that I do my homework so most nights I don't have time to eat.

We have no one that is able to support us so we never get a break from our son. I have tried speaking to both grandparents about how I need help, even just one night a month (which means one night every 2nd month for them) but they are reluctant to take him. They think we should manage as my partner is unemployed and I am only in college 3 days a week. Both my mum and my partners mum had no help at all with their kids so they think I should just get on with it. I have tried but I am totally exausted! We both are! Our house is a mess and our relationship is too.

I just wish that he would sleep through the night then our lives would be loads better! I feel like I can't cope and that I am going to completely loose the plot if things continue this way. I feel like I am a useless mother and sometimes think that my partner and my son would be better off without me.

Any advice people can give would be greatly appreciated.

Feeling your pain. My marriage suffered and I felt like I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown after interrupted sleep for over a year. I was getting back-to-back illnesses because I was so run down, having rarely been sick before. My family just left us to get on with it too (bastards)!! DS woke every 2-3 hours and hourly on bad nights. We used to co-sleep and I breastfed DS through the night so my husband ended up sleeping in a separate room, which doesn't help the marriage any. Enough was enough so did the pick up put down method from the baby whisperer book. FANTASTIC! I'd also suggest not feeding at all through the night. He still doesn't sleep through but he's improved so much and is sleeping in his own cot all night. You can see why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Everything seems so much better after a good nights kip.
Also, like you, need to get better at accepting help from friends. Most of my close friends dont have kids and the ones that do have enough on their plates, but even if you just go to the cinema with your partner, that time away will help your relationship. Lots of love

Early motherhood can be brutal. I always think of it as 'the best of times, the worst of times'. People's attitude is brutal too. If you were sick your family would probably be there for you, but people don't realise you can feel just as ill as if you had a life-threatening illness when you're sleep deprived. It changes your personality and perspective on life. Keep a record of these posts and look at them when you're down. I was totally desperate, but it did end and now I'm the calm(er) mother of 2 great children who started off life screaming and not sleeping for a long time. Mind you, I won't be having any more - but I was willing to risk it for a second time, so that says something about how you feel when you come out the other side, which you will. One day at a time.

This too will pass. It will!

DD1 was a terrible sleeper. I couldn't bear to do sleep training etc and I used to sit holding her hand (and sobbing!) for hours- every time I moved my hand, she woke up and started screaming. Eventually we did a form of controlled crying when she was a year old- the longest I lasted was 30 seconds, but we got there in the end. With dd2 and ds, I co-slept (too scared of making "rod" for own back with dd1, too desperate not to with dd2- 17 mths apart!) What a revelation- she slept, I slept, at a year old she went longer and longer and longer in her cot until it was all night. By 18 mths she was in with her sister and they were both sleeping no problem! So when ds came alnong, I did the same thing- he went into his cot next to our bed. When he woke up, he came in with us. If I woke up later I put him back. Etc etc. He has never had a problem, and I got some sleep.

You just do what it takes to get some sleep through this bit, and worry about "bad habits" (which in our case never actually transpired!) later. Tbh, I really wish I hadn't been so adamant that dd1 would sleep in her own cot- I would probably look 10 years younger!

You might not want to hear this, but, for me, dealing with the sleep issue got better for me when i stopped trying to deal with it (if you see what I mean).

My DC3 was my worst sleeper and didn't sleep through until at least 8 months. As he was my third I couldn't believe I was going so wrong with the whole sleep thing. After one visit to the baby clinic, where some different version of "how to get your baby to sleep" was being relayed to me, I just asked them not to give me any more advice (knowing that one day he would sleep).

I just kind of weathered the storm, and dealt with it rather than let it get to me. We both work and my DH has to get up and leave the house by 7am. We have worked out a routine where we take it in turns each night to deal with any night time incidents (nightmares, feeling poorly etc in any of the kids) and then each of has one lie in each at the weekend (only til nine am - it gets too crazy after that!)

Things aren't perfect, but you will both find you own way of dealing with things. It might be that one of you can go off for a nap/quick study session for say, two hours one afternoon.

Be completely brutal and single-minded when you do have a couple of hours. No TV etc, just time to get on with stuff.

Sorry about the grandparents. Invite them over one afternoon for a cup of tea, just to see the baby gurgling, and don't mention anything about how hard it is. Save that for next time.

Good luck.

It might not help but I wanted to add that I have a ten month old who woke up every night 2 or 3 times without fail, sometimes ate, sometimes didn't until she was 8.5 months old. She then went into her own room and 3 nights later she started to sleep through 7.30pm to 7am. When she's been teething badly or has been ill (she's had colds and one ear infection) she has woken up once or twice, but that's been about three times all together. I don't think it was just the sleeping in her own room, although that certainly helped, I think she just got to the point where she was able to sleep through and just did. There is hope and it will happen, it just may take a while.

Also, I always offered the breast if she woke up and dh thought this would mean she'd never sleep through, but it didn't. And it meant that she went back to sleep quickly after waking up. I would say do whatever you can (well within reason...) to get him back to sleep at night and don't worry about creating bad habits. The other thing is that if you are consistent with hs bedtime routine it will definitely help. NOt one to admit to on MN, but after dinner we always watch ITNG and the bedtime story and dd has some nappy free time and plays with her toys. And without fail when the 'now it's time to say goodnight' song comes on she stops whatever she's doing and crawls onto my lap - she knows it's bathtime!

You will get through this