i can't do this any more

[fairydusty]

I really can't - my dd is 3 and she is a night mare i have tried everything she is just awful. She has temper tantrums all the time and i can't cope anymore - i really want to pack a bag a leave my family its that bad. Me and dh are now at each other due to lack of sleep and when we are up all she does is throw tantrums - i can avoid them if i just give her everything she wants but i have another child and the world cant revolve round her. I try so hard to do nice things with her and spend time alone but its almost always spoilt by her tantrums. i have tried the naughty step, ignoring, putting her to her room, reward charts of all types and of course the age old shouting at the top of my lungs. Right now she is trashing her room while i try and get my ds back to sleep as she has woke him yet again with the screaming.

I feel like all i do is tip toe round her sos not to set her off and thats even not working. I must be the worse mum in the world cause right now i could just go and leave it all behind me.

I think most of us have felt like just walking out at least once. You have my sympathy.

I see you mention a number of "punishments" - have you tried bribery the carrot method too? I see you've used reward charts, what happened with them?

What it is it that sets the tantrums off?

Oh it is grim isn't it. We have a tiny little carpeted hallway area between the front door and the living room door. Ds1 has spent a vast amount of the last couple of years in there, screaming. When he starts a tantrum I take him in there and tell him he can come out when he is ready to stop. It doesn't lessen the tantrums but at least I'm not next to him.

He is getting better now (age 5.5!). DD (8) and ds2 (2.10) just don't do tantrums.

No advice really, only sympathy.

How old is your baby?

Toda my DD aged 2 and a half screamed at me for half an hour because I would not give her a box full of eggs to "Bash". Have you tried ignoring her totally?

It's bloody hard isn't it? As oldladyknowsnothing said, we've all been there, well, I certainly have! This won't help you tonight I know, but a book that we found to be fantastic, and helped us feel more in control is "How to Behave So Your Children Will Too" by Dr Sal Severe (nice name). Good luck, and deep breaths!

i am reading 'parenting the strong willed child'...it's worth a bash. but you have my sympathy as all these books are good in theory but not so easy to act out when exhausted and facing the 23rd tantrum of the day. i now just walk away (if indoors) and leave her to it. if out, i panic and offer any bribe/distraction possible! i also think if i am strong minded and keep saying 'i am in charge' it helps...it's soul destroying when you feel your life is ruled by a 3 year old! finally, wine in the evening... you're not alone, keep with it, it'll pass

Feeling much better today - can't get over how someone so small can make so much noise. The reward charts only work for a few hours then she isn't interested and doesn't seem to be motivated by getting a reward - i praise every little bit of good behaviour and sometimes would even go as far as to say i go over board with the praise. Today we haven't had many tantrums and when they have started i have just walked off - i keep telling myself i'm the adult and i need to fix this but sometimes i just feel so sad about her nehaviour and i'm sure she can see i'm upset but that doesn't change anything. My baby is 4 months old and in my opinion her behaviour hasn;t been effected by his arrival, she is in fact very loving to us all especially her little brother - its sometimes like i have a good well mannered happy toddler then a switch flicks and she turns into a child i neither know nor like very much. Tantrums can be set off by anything but most often its when she doesn;t get her way or doesnt get something straight away. Every day feels like a big struggle least today has been less of a struggle than yesterday although ds is having a growth spurt so been attached to me all bloomin day so instead of being metally drained like yesterday i am physically drained tonight!

Well off to bed - who knows what tomorrow will bring. Thanks for the replies, right now the ignoring thing is my way forward!

uh oh mine's 'got out of the wrong side of bed this morning' 4 tantrums already since 6.30am. joy. another fun family saturday lies ahead.... :(