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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Eating: At what age should you leave them to just get on with it?

16 replies

minimisa · 07/10/2010 15:10

My DTs have always been pretty fussy eaters and I've always spent a long time encouraging them to eat while (hopefully) not making it stressful. However, they're 18 months now and I'm wondering should I just let them get on with it and they can eat or not? They're ok with feeding themselves but I usually still spoon stuff in as well if I can as they get more that way. They also have lots of finger food.

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ppeatfruit · 07/10/2010 15:22

IMO As long as they are actually hungry they should be fine (of course you know them best!!) . Also if you're eating with them you can 'help' a bit if you think it's necessary.

ppeatfruit · 07/10/2010 15:29

When i was a CM\nanny I gave a plate of finger food fruit before the meals and that always left space in their tummies for the meal. MY DIL forcefeeds our GD at 3 and a half she says she will only be hungry too soon if not !!

drivingmisscrazy · 07/10/2010 20:29

DD is 20mo and we pretty much leave her to it (in fact if you try and help her by holding her bowl she says 'away, away') - we cut food up and occasionally offer her something directly (esp if it's something she's not that keen on). We find she often eats better if we just leave her to it - or do other things while she eats if we're not eating with her. I suppose no-one wants to be hovered over while trying to eat their dinner! She often doesn't seem to eat a lot to me, but she's a fine weight and happy and will tell you if she's hungry.

gowest · 07/10/2010 20:37

Well as a very non-preachy BLW convert, I'd just say leave them from the outset.

I have quite an objection to anyone doing the 'one more mouthful'/no pudding routine as I think it's completely counter productive.

My DD (not BLW) went through a fussy stage recently and turned her nose up at everything. I actually gave her breakfast to the the dog as she requested it it then messed around so much I threatened to give it to the dog then had to follow through with it.

(It was weetabix that I know she likes) I was aware that she was going to nursery without breakfast but she hasn't been so difficult since.

I think they learn to regulate their own hunger when left to get on with it. And the only consequence of having something (or not) is being hungry (or not). So pudding isn't used as a bribe to finish the first course.

I think the 'one more mouthful' routine makes children stop eating earlier than they might as they know they'll be forced begged asked to eat more.

I know if I'm full I would hate to be told to continue eating.

Gosh that was a bit of a rant wasn't it? .

ruddynorah · 07/10/2010 20:40

yes from the outset here too. ds is 10 months, dd is 4. both sit together and just get on with it. dd will now and again pick ds's scraps off the floor for him to have another go at.

BinkyB · 07/10/2010 20:45

My DTs are also 18m and they have been feeding themselves since 13m. Sometimes they ask me to help them e.g. With the last spoonful of yoghurt that they just can't quite get out of the pot.
The time you save in feeding them, you easily lose on extra floor cleaning time, but generally the boys get most of it in their mouths these days.
Good luck!

BinkyB · 07/10/2010 20:46

Ps they like forks more than spoons currently and enjoy spearing their food

thisisyesterday · 07/10/2010 20:48

my 16 month old has refused any help with his food for the last 2 weeks.
he's actually remarkably good too!

so i reckon you can def leave them to it. if they're hungry they'l eat what they want

brettgirl2 · 09/10/2010 08:55

How on earth do you forcefeed a 3 year old? Surely they are capable of refusing/spitting it out?

My daughter is 18 months and has been feeding herself for ages as she gets cross if others 'mess' with her food.

Unfortunately although she eats plenty we are making less progress getting her to use forks/spoons. She just gets annoyed with them, chucks them and shovels the food into her mouth literally in handfuls

brettgirl2 · 09/10/2010 08:57

Gowest I agree with the pudding stuff - I think it teaches them that savoury food is bad and sweet stuff is good. In general, why would you want to get them to eat an extra mouthful they don't want anyway? It makes no sense to me!

ScroobiousPip · 09/10/2010 09:15

Another 'from the outset' vote here. DS fed himself since 6mo and is still alive. ;-)

Seriously, they will be fine. Up the finger food for a while, or make meals that they can easily manage with fingers/spoon themselves, while they make the transition.

otchayaniye · 09/10/2010 12:37

leave from the outset. they manage their own appetite brilliantly -- far better than you can guess. And I find new parents vastly overestimate

I have a 9th centile 23 month old, still b/fed, was prem, weaned her blw style (no spoons at all, no mashed up stuff even) at a week shy of 7 months and she's had a very varied diet and loves very piquant things, such as curry, gong boa chicken, anything with capers, anchovies etc.

We also eat every single meal together as a family, nice music, no rush and have never coaxed her to eat.

some days she eats more than others. You have to take it on a 48 hour period, not a meal by meal period.

I'm waiting for her to get fussy any day now.

otchayaniye · 09/10/2010 12:39

sorry, meant to say vastly overestimate portion sizes. So needlessly get worried that stuff isn't finished.

A normal healthy child won't starve.

I really wouldn't 'encourage'. Just take the pressure off for a week and you may be surprised.

Expect phases of liking some things more than others.

Also, what do they say they like?

MoonFaceMama · 09/10/2010 16:15

personaly i am terrible at judging appropriet portions.years of being told to finish my dinner/clear my plate. So we are blw and leaving ds to it.

Plus i saw something on t'goggle box a bit ago that showed that most parents were giving kids more than they needed, and most kids were eating what they were given.

Meglet · 09/10/2010 16:17

I'd leave them to try and do most of it on their own at that age.

FWIW my dc's nursery gets the small ones using forks / spoons by 18months. I know this as I forgot to teach DD myself and they told me she could do it one day when I picked her up.

Orissiah · 11/10/2010 09:15

If you leave them to it, they won't starve; if they don't eat much at one meal, they'll probably make up for it at the next.

My toddler DD is such a sllllooooowwww eater and she doesn't eat much at eat sitting anyway. I used to stress so much about this but then I went to a friend's house who had three young children all under 8 and I remarked on how little they ate at lunch. My friend said she didn't mind and she dodn't cajol them to eat more because they always made up for it either at a later meal that day or the next day. Her kids are perfectly healthy with good weights.

She didn't stress at all; it made me feel less stressful about DD too.

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