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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Being rejected by Toddler

8 replies

Soozey1 · 07/10/2010 12:29

Hi everyone

I just have a question that I hope doesn't sound too silly but I really didn't know who or where else to ask. I talk to my OH about it and he just laughs it off and says 'don't be stupid'.

The thing is my 19 month old DC has just never really warmed to me very much and prefers daddy, even though I was the primary carer for when DC was a baby. We now both work full time and DC is in nursery, which he does love. I know that babies tend to prefer one parent, which is fine, but he is very obviously showing preference for his daddy which is getting me down quite a lot. This has been happening really since he's been able to show feelings! He doesn't ever hug me (of his own accord) or kiss me but hugs and kisses everyone else. This morning was the last straw when he wouldn't let me feed him breakfast but let my OH feed him.

I'm just really upset and not sure what I've done to make him act like this towards me. I'm guess I'm just looking for re-assurance and advice to say that this is normal and it won't be like this forever!!

Thank you in advance!

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Ragwort · 07/10/2010 12:31

No advice - my DS has always been like this - he is 9 now and still much prefers his dad to me - hope someone comes along with something more positive to say. However, I am delighted that DS has such a good relationship with his dad and at least they go off and do stuff together, leaving me to do my own thing .

NorkilyChallenged · 07/10/2010 12:33

My eldest has always been like this (though she does kiss and hug me) whereas my second is totally all about mummy (it's a bit obsessive to be honest). Partly it's personality. But also maybe your ds senses that it upsets/bothers you and he partly does it because it gets something of a reaction? I know there are instances of that with my children, where they can tell something is annoying/upsetting to me and so they do it even more?

It might change over time but does sound upsetting.

Original poster

Soozey1 · 07/10/2010 12:37

Thank you so much for your quick responses! This is my first time on mumsnet, although been lurking a while.

I think what you say about it getting a reaction does ring true a bit - because when I ask for a hug, he just looks at me, smiles and turns away - but yet he'll hug his daddy. So maybe I just have to be less 'needy' and see what happens!

I am also pregnant with no 2 so I'm really hoping that this trend doesn't continue...

OP posts:

NorkilyChallenged · 07/10/2010 16:44

Tbh, Soozey1, you do want it to continue a bit as it was hugely useful to me when pregnant/with tiny baby dd2 that dd1 always preferred daddy. Meant less jealousy, she wasn't as bothered by me feeding/holding baby as I saw in other children, she was quite laidback about it, possibly because she didn't see me as "her property" if you know what I mean.

Now I'm expecting number 3, we're hoping that dd2 will switch her allegiance to daddy too

KittyFoyle · 07/10/2010 16:50

DD2 adored Daddy for the first 18 months and never wanted me if he was available. SHe's now much more balanced (age 2 and a half) but still shouts GO AWAY MUMMY a lot which she doesn't say to Daddy. DS (the middle one age 5) favours me for important things and if he's upset and DD1 likes us both as far as I know.

They do change as they grow so nothing is certain and good luck with number 2. The sibling relationships in our place are a menace and a joy too.

Noomininoo · 08/10/2010 15:49

My DD1 was the same up until she was about 2, to the point that I couldn't even put her to bed without her screaming & getting hysterical for her Daddy.

Now at 3.5 she's a lot more balanced. She was also the same with my MiL & wouldn't have anything to do with her if the FiL was around. Now she thinks Nana is the best thing since sliced bread. Kids go through phases so although its upsetting & hurtful at the moment I wouldn't worry about it too much. In a years time it'll probably all be different again.

tablefor3 · 09/10/2010 22:52

Adding another - DD has swung between DH and I. At the moment DH is by far the favourite. I was actually led out of the room by DD the other day, before she returned to the sofa with DH.

DH actually got quite cross with her for doing this. But, as someone said, I am pretty heavily pregnant, and if DH is the parent required to do all the playing on the weekend, well, it's not a biggie! Besides, it may change again during mat leave. Or change again over time, as it has done before.

Still, a bit galling I admit.

girlafraid · 11/10/2010 13:58

You could try getting your DH to offer you lots of attention.

My DS only likes Daddy to read him his bedtime story and sometimes won't come over and give me a goodnight kiss. If he does refuse DH says "well I'm going to go and give mummy a kiss", comes over and gives me a big hug and sure enough DS is right behind him wanting to cuddle me too....

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