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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I scrape 2yr old off Supermarket floor and wrestle him into car seat and still remain calm?

23 replies

NoseyNooNoo · 07/10/2010 00:21

My DS aged 2 years has been ratcheting up his tantrums for part 6 weeks. He won't get into his car seat, squeezing instead though to front seats. He won't walk anywhere without either running off or sitting down and refusing to move and the supermarket is a red flag to him with him always causing a commotion there. I have a very painful shoulder which gets damaged everyday by him. I'm mentally and physically exhausted by him. So how do I control there situations. I know it's a phase but my body can't take much more. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

winnybella · 07/10/2010 00:25

I'm afraid that in the supermarket my first stop is the cookies aisle- DD is very happy in the trolley munching on a biscuit. Other times it's either picking her up or trying to interest her in something ie distract.
I don't think there's much you can do about it, tbh.

NickOfTime · 07/10/2010 00:25

valium.

or internet shopping, which is what every wise woman with a toddler does.

bollocks to learning opportunities, he can help unpack if you're that desperate.

SerialMom · 07/10/2010 00:50

Avoid shopping as much as possible, it's what the internet is for. How people coped before the internet I don't know. If you MUST go shopping take snacks / toys as distractions. And don't worry he won't be like this forever, I haven't had to drag my screaming 3 year old out of a shop for oooo about 3 months now :)

suzikettles · 07/10/2010 00:56

I used to get a snack pack of apples and grapes for ds and would hopefully get round the shop before he finished them.

I know that it's a sure way to get some people's cat's bum faces on, but by god it worked. (Some of the time anyway)

soppypreggyloon · 07/10/2010 09:18

I don't think you can stay calm but you can try to fake it!
With Ds I just keep trying with the car seat till he gives and inh and then quickly get him in. Easier I think if the straps are a bit loose to start as you can tighten once he's in.
Defo need snacks for supermarket. We had a cross boy yesterday as he only wanted those purple rice cakes! Had to go buy some to stop the shouting! He also likes puting shopping in the trolley.

Seriously faking it is the way forwards. It's what I seem to do all the time. Faking calm when he's upset/ screaming/ flipping out/ falling down/ generally being a toddler!

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 07/10/2010 09:22

Another who uses snacks, god help me now if i forget them.

Also going when they are exhusted, you have a 50/50 chance with this one either they'll be tired and cry the whole time for fall asleep in the trolley

RunningOutOfIdeas · 07/10/2010 09:49

I also use snacks as good behaviour bribes in the supermarket. DD does like to sit in the trolley. So I give her my shopping list to hold. When she gets bored of that she often wants to hold some of the shopping. Thats fine when it is a bag of carrots. Not so good when she wants to hold something that should be refrigerated or is too heavy (she had a tantrum recently because I wouldn't let he hold the 4 pint milk carton). I also talk to her non-stop. I tell what is on the list, ask her how many apples we should buy, what colour washing liquid should we get etc.

DD can go stiff as a board when she does not want to go into her car seat. I have the straps loose and try to suddenly distract her (oh my god there's a dragon outside!) then gently push her tummy to make her bend and fasten the straps as quickly as possible. Then tighten them.

For serious, lying on the floor, screaming tantrums, I adopt a fixed grin pick her up like a rugby ball and walk out. I am sure most people who are watching are thanking their lucky stars that it is not their DC that is screaming. And I do not care about what anyone else thinks.

BeenBeta · 07/10/2010 10:00

Internet shopping. Absolutley. I have no idea why anyone would voluntarily take a 2 yr old in a supermarket.

Shop online in the evening with DC in bed and glass of wine in hand.

tostaky · 07/10/2010 10:43

internet shopping and also i have found that once the tantrum has properly started, if i remain calm and get on my knees, give him a cuddles and plenty of kisses then the tantrum stops short.... whats the point of having a tantrum if all i get is kisses and cuddles?!! works for me...

zapostrophe · 07/10/2010 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scotsmuminengland · 07/10/2010 12:44

I have to do online shopping. No choice in the matter and it was confirmed when last week I decided I wanted to do roast pork. I went to the supermarket just for that one thing and it was a nightmare. Screamed all the way round the shop then wouldn't get in the car. Never again.

Whoever thought up online shopping should be given a sainthood

Original poster

NoseyNooNoo · 07/10/2010 14:37

OP here. I do usually do the main weekly shop via internet. However we usually have to do a mid week shop for bread etc. I can't get DS into trolley due to my shoulder. I do feel that I shouldn't avoid the situation though. I have to find a way to tackle it. I might try the kiss and cuddle technique. I can't work out though how to even get him in the car seat or how to fasten him up.

OP posts:

driedapricots · 07/10/2010 20:42

how about give him his favourite treat before the tantrum starts and then when he kicks off take it off him and say he'll only get it back if he gets in his car seat....?

Wholelottalove · 07/10/2010 20:45

I feel for you. Am currently 29 wks pregnant with SPD which is making it v hard to lift DD into car seat and I can't easily pick her up and haul her bodily out of supermarket if she does tantrum. I find it hard to get her in trolley so generally she walks next to me. If I have to go, I find bribery is quite good - there is a car ride thingy which I say she can have a go on if she walks nicely all the way round, or a small park next door we can go into.

The other thing that works with DD is asking her to pick the milk or bread off the shelf herself. She loves that as she knows where it is, and will proudly carry it to the till for me. If you are just getting one thing you could you ask you DS to find it and carry it? And lots of praise if he does? Doesn't always work as sometimes she gets distracted but worth a try.

I mostly get DH to do the shopping though... :)

For car seat, I've been trying to get her to see how quickly she can climb in by herself, using v excited voice and going 'uh-oh..quick, quick!' etc.. It works some of the time. Otherwise I do end up putting her in which does aggravate the SPD, but not worked out another way so far.

EightiesChick · 07/10/2010 20:48

Do you have a DP/H or someone else who could be in during an evening after he's gone to bed, and go then? I really think the key is avoiding taking him if at all possible while this phase is on. Could you get bread fron a nearby walkable shop (maybe with him on reins)?

Flighttattendant · 07/10/2010 20:49

Always try food first. I found the lying down thing was very often due to hunger or tiredness.

So feed him anything he wants.

Second thing, while it is happening, sit down beside him and don't try and move him. Just wait. Quietly.

Ignore other shoppers. If you worry about them you will do the wrong thing through fear of embarrassment, and it will all go even more wrong. So ignore, and trust that they know you will do your best and your only focus is your child.

I hate it when parents try to justify themselves to me or other shoppers when their child is having a strop. I just want them to focus on the child and do what they need to do - as long as it doesn't involve smacking, shouting etc obviously.

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 07/10/2010 20:50

The positive way is to make shopping fun for him.

Prior to going out let him help you make a list. draw pictures of the things you need. (ok maybe not everything)

then walk down the ailse and let him search for teh things you need. lots of praise and smiley faces all way round. even when he is pulling things off the shelves that you dont necessarily need.

For the car seat have a special toy. one that he will love playing with. This toy is a special carseat toy. he can only have it whilst in and buckled up in his chair.

When you get out of the car you tell him what a very good boy he has been etc and that he needs to put the toy back in its special place for next time.

greenlotus · 07/10/2010 20:54

This was DH's approach: Buy small packet of sweets. If he's good he gets to eat them on the way home. If he's bad, YOU get to eat them . If this is too food-focused for you then maybe offer a comic?

Car seat - this could be a problem. If you can't manage physically you need to find a very simple bribe/bargain/consequence, he won't understand anything more complicated at this age. How about getting a brilliant story/nursery rhyme CD for the car that he can hear if he gets in nicely? Or a special toy he can only play with if he gets in (a car safe toy obviously). Likewise with the trolley - is it that you can't lift him in or would it be OK if he was co-operative?

Mine were horrible in supermarkets, I was almost in tears on numerous occasions and you have my total sympathy. More annoyingly they were well behaved for DH and he didn't believe me!

mathanxiety · 07/10/2010 21:02

I always used to bend mine in two with my left forearm when they did the stiff as a board thing in the carseat, while simultaneously slipping the strap over their heads and snapping it.

For the supermarket, I had a harness for the wildest one. It was an over the shoulders affair, with a leash thing for walks that could be detached, leaving clips that I could clip to the back of the trolley seat so she couldn't climb out. One day a supermarket employee scared another one out of a tantrum by telling her tantrums weren't allowed there. (Thank you, deep-voiced man ) And I also threatened to leave and go home without any of our groceries (and in fact followed through twice) and have nothing for dinner or snacks or dessert, no milk, etc.

With older toddlers, a little pep talk and a small bribe reward promised beforehand and delivered afterwards for decent behaviour often worked, and I could remind them about the nice thing they enjoyed the next time we hit the shops. We would have a little chat before we left the car and make a 'deal', and then shake on it.

When I was hugely pg and it was very hard to get the toddler into the seat in the trolley I would ask one of the supermarket staff if they would mind holding it stationary for me while I slipped the unwieldy little body into the seat -- it always made them co-operate a bit better to have a stranger right there being friendly.

MunchMummy · 07/10/2010 21:09

My DD2 is 2.4 and doing the same at the moment. Won't walk anywhere, won't eat sandwiches, won't go in the car seat, won't do the school run.

But I've adopted an I don't care attitude. The last trip around the supermarket she screamed for 10 mins in the trolley (didn't want to walk round and help like she used to, but didn't want the trolley either). I just strapped her in the trolley seat and got on with it. Yes, lots of looks from other people, but I'm just past caring.

School run she screams like an alien for 15 of the 30 mins we walk there, then calms down.

We're counting down until her 3rd birthday....

QuickLookBusy · 07/10/2010 21:10

It sounds like he is going through the terrible twos! It can be a blooming difficult time but he will grow out of it!

I found when mine went through this stage that I had to allow twice as much time for everything, 2 year olds do not like to be rushed!

I would also agree that bribery compromise, works in most situations.
A promise of a favourite magazine or chocolate fruit, usually works. Especially to get them into the trolley seat, then they can't run off!!

They also like to get in the way help, so give him little jobs to do, so he feels like a big boy.

With the classic Car Seat Struggle, I used to smile through gritted teeth and say if they didnt hurry up, I would have to tickle them.

mathanxiety · 07/10/2010 21:12

I always insisted on the trolley seat after seeing one poor child get a horrible bump on the head far too close to his eye for comfort, from someone who wasn't paying attention and blithely going about her business.

Lougle · 07/10/2010 21:26

Decide an appropriate treat, and tell your DS that if he is well behaved he will get it once he is in his car seat. If he has a tantrum in the shop, you say "DS, I am going to count to 3. If I get to 3, we will be going home, and no treat."

Count slowly but evenly to 3. No emotion, firm voice. If he starts to respond, congratulate him, tell him that he is being very grown up. Remind him about the treat. If you get to 3, say "OK, DS, we are going home, and no treat". Pick him up, carry him to the car, ignoring any tantrumming.

When you get to the car, put him into his seat. Always make sure you loosen the straps fully when you get him out, so that they are loose when you get him in. You should be able to do up the straps, even if he is 'stair rodding', but they will be loose and not hold him in. If he is 'stair rodding' i.e. stiffening and pushing himself out of the seat, don't fight him. Just wait and watch. Generally speaking, as they 'stair rod' they breath hold. Eventually, they have to take a breath, which is distracting. So when he takes a breath, gently but firmly push the palm of your hand into his stomach area, grab the strap and pull, so that the straps tighten.

I have a DD with SN who is an expert at all of this. But the trick is to get in quickly and not to wind them up further by fighting them. Just watch, wait, then make your move.

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