How did you all teach about Stranger Danger??

[WannabeNigella]

DS is 3.5. Following a few 'scares' about attempted abductions etc it got me thinking that I haven't really done anything with him with regards Stranger Danger.

I don't want to scare him but want to protect him so know it's got to be addressed.

How did you all do it?

I said that a stranger is any person that you don't know and never to go with someone unless me or dad has said it's okay.

Bumping. Help please x

I second the telling them to never go with anyone unless mummy or daddy have said it is ok.
Give examples of where they may see it as harmless but that they still don't go.
For example:
If we are at a park/the woods/ theme park/ the shops and a man or a lady ask you to help tham look for a dog, you tell them you have to check with us first as we need to know where you are.
If we are at the park etc and you can't see us and think you are lost, you STAY WHERE YOU ARE and call for us. We will come looking for you. If you are in a shop and you can see a till, go and wait there.

We have role played scenarios with dc using little people.
We have talked through how sad we would be if we couldn't find each other and if they have got separated from you before, you can remind them how scary it was and that you wouldn't want that to happen again.
It is good to explain that they are not to go with men, ladies, grown up children , old people, NOBODY unless they have been asked or been told by you.

My mum used a pass word system with us. We weren't allowed to go with anyone unless they had the password. It meant that if mum or dad couldn't pick us up, they would tell them the password to tell us so we would know it was safe. This happened a couple of times with people we knew, one family friend seemed a bit embarrassed at having to say a nonsense pet name as the password to me, but i knew i could get in his car.
I know this works better with older children who can keep secrets and not tell everyone the password. The pass word was changed each time it was used.

It is also good to check they know what to do every now and again, which reminds me to do a check with mine. I check they know what to do if there is a fire at night too.

There is obviously a danger associated with strangers but also a danger of a scared child wondering out of a busy situation i.e. a shopping center and getting more lost.

Its one message to not go off with strangers but another equally important one to enable a young child to communicate with appropriate adults when they're lost.

I was a daydreamer when I was little and a bit of terror for being distracted and wondering off - I hated crowds so would seek out quieter spaces if it all got too much, no doubt giving my parents much stress. My rules were if you are lost and you can't see us stay put. If you get scared ask an (appropriate) adult to help you. Appropriate adults were mums with other little children/ pushchairs, security guards or police (recognisable by uniform) go to a till in a shop (as mentioned above).

I went to a county show with my eldest, then in a pushchair, and husband this was a few years ago and became aware that a little boy (turned out to be 5) had been wondering ahead of us without any adults for some time. We'd walked a significant distance and I could see the increased panic in this childs movements. I caught up with him (with the pushchair) and he was petrified to talk as he wasn't allowed to talk to strangers. My husband went off to find a police man and I convinced the child that we should sit down at the edge of a stall and look out for his mum and dad. He was planning to walk home - turned out to be many many miles he wouldn't possibly have known the way and on a mix of rural country and main roads. My husband returned with a police man after about ten minutes at which point the child froze again and wouldn't speak - a large 6ft + police man in full uniform is quite intimidating. The young policeman didn't really appear to know how to talk to a child and tried hard to get information out of him. At this point he ended up snuggling into my side and I'm ashamed to say I was scarred to physically comfort him with a big hug so I stroked his back. I got his first name out of him and the police man radioed it through. Overall it was probably about an hour from when we first spotted him to his very stressed dad finding us sitting at the edge of the stall.

My point is that yes children shouldn't go off with strangers, nor should they be scared of them all. Finding out you're lost is very scary and do you think your young child could stay still and wait - when minutes of being on your own can feel like hours when scared?

Other practical advice that seams to be given out is to sew your mobile number into their clothes/ coat rather like a name tag and let them know its their.

Can I ask how old all of your dcs were when you started discussing all of this?

I usually tell mine that they do not go with anyone anywhere...no matter if it is a man woman or child....and that if lost they scream my name loudly. IN big crwded places we pick a tall landmark as our Incase place...and that is where DC is to head for if we get seperated. Also advise DC to ask a shop lady...the ones behind the tills for help...

thing is, that the changes of a stranger danger is very slim, children are more likely to be harmed by someone they know. I prefer to touch my kids about trusting themselves and their feelings and that its ok to say no to an adult no matter who they are.

On days out,festivals , busy places etc we do a run down with DS age 4 at the start of the site. getting him to rehearse where my phone number is ( written on his arm in biro), who he should go to on that site if he can't find us, maybe a Hi-vis jacket steward or a stall holder or a ride operator or someone with children. AND what he should tell them " I can't find mum/ dad can you phone them" & show them the number.

St Johns / Stewards etc who have over heard us have all commented favourably. DH and I have both worked as stewards and are happy with this approach,festival stewards are normally briefed on what to do with "lost kids".

I agree that getting lost is a far bigger worry than 'stranger danger' I always tell my 2 dc to approach a police officer (unlikely!) a shop assistant or another parent. I have told them they need to be sure, eg definitely with children, pushchair etc. My dd is 9 and knows my mobile number and has done for a while now!
They are also well rehearsed in my instruction of screaming 'I DON'T KNOW YOU' if anyone did try to lure them away.
The password suggestion is a great idea!