"Highly sensitive" toddler any one else got one?

[Haywire]

I have just read the book the Highly Sensitive Child ( I know awful title makes my teeth itch) and it was a real lightbulb moment. This is my dd age 2.11. The book confirms much of what we knew and were doing to try and manage her sometimes quirky behaviours but the thing I find hard to believe is that as Elaine Aron says 15% of children are like this. Are there any other people out there with children like this?

I have never met another child anything like my dd for example, She feels everything do deeply and always has done she finds it so hard to control her emotions, she hates certain noises food mixer etc, any film or book where their is mild peril, can't stand people asking her questions, usually says no to any new situation or change (although will sometimes change her mind) she notices the most amazing small details or changes and so on.

Her sense of humour is amazing and I Iove the way she is in so many ways and don't want to label her as such but despite my scepticism before reading the book -this is her. What I am pondering is, am I going to sound like a fruit loop if I mention this to anyone e.g pre-school, HV.

Tbh preschool and school will have seen it before. I always used to explain he didn't like change and would get anxious about things/changes he didn't know or were not well explained to him.

My ds is 5.5 and still sensitive but he has got a lot better.

Your DD sounds like a sensitive, interesting, bright child. No reason to name her & slot her in a particular category that will make you, as her parent, respond to her in a certain way, IMO. Children change so much & so quickly, it's actually a very good thing that she's so sensitive / aware of her environment.

It's good if the book (which I haven't read) gives you some useful ideas, but I would leave it at that. It may be that your DD in one year's time has changed altogether anyway :).

Haywire

tbh I would just let her be herself with no attempts to define her atthis stage.

TBH my ds2 fit those descriptions absoloutely exactly and he has profound ASD - so if you start trying to fit her in a label, when she needs no support or help.. you may find people looking at other issues that may not be relevent IYSWIM

i would read the book, use it if it helps you understand your DD, but wait and see what happens and see how she interact away from you and home

Hi, you are not alone. My dd is exactly like this too. She is now 4 and has just started school. I too have never met another child as sensitive as my dd. I would use the techniques in the book if you think they will help and are relevant but I wouldn't label her as 'highly sensitive' on the first meeting with the preschool...just mention that she likes routine and doesn't like 'surprises' etc. The preschool should pick up on her personality and quirks fairly quickly if they are doing their job properly. My dd took a long time to settle at preschool but in the end she was very happy there and it was invaluable preparation for starting school.

Oh thanks so much for the replies

Helpful to hear that there are other children out there who are like this and that things have improved over time. My feeling is that these behaviours will lesson as she gets older and is better able to understand. Some things have already got better as time has gone on for example getting her feet measured which used to terrify her now she can understand why and it's manageable for her.

DD has all the behaviours you describe Leningrad and is an introvert in most situations unless it is with people at a place she is very comfortable with eg grandparents but even then it can take her an hour or so to warm to them and she sees them every week! She clings to me like a limpet at playgroups usually until the last 10 mins or so when she starts getting into it and we have been to one of these since she was 8 weeks old.

Pagwatch thanks helpful post has identified something I was a bit worried about, other peoples perceptions of her. I have worked with ASD children and adults in the past and I can see that this is different although some of the behaviours are the same but take on board your point that other people may not and may jump to conclusions. DD is such a kind soul and always thinks about other people, she enjoys imaginative play and she can enjoy playing with other children she knows well.

13lucky, Charlie and Maria you are right and I have not labeled her as such to the pre-school but have just said that she needs help with changes, likes routine etc. and of course she may well have changed totally by the time she starts school.

She has had 5 sessions at pre-school so far (interupted by a week off for chickenpox which she hated) and has cried every time I have left her, she says she doesn't want to be alone there and that she misses me . I feel that if she can get used to it, it will help her in the longer term, I just hope they will understand all her little quirks and have the patience to help her deal with all the stuff that seems to bother her. I don't want to make too big a deal of all this and create expectations about her but on the other hand I want to make this work.

That sounds like a good start at school Leningrad and love the map, so sweet. They sound very similar DD has great language skills too and picks things up so quickly. One of the things I love is that when she does master something she has been very scared about she does it with such gusto e.g her balance bike lay unused for months as it was declared too wobbly but now she gets it she loves it beyond reason and will even tell strangers about it which is a big deal for her.

We live in wales and they start school so early here, in the term in which they are 4 so she will not even be 4 when she starts next September. The good thing is its a very small village school 50 pupils in total so not so intimidating as it could be.

Yes, this is my dd (3.2) too. She's always been anxious around other children, although on a 1to1 basis she tries so hard to be friendly, she still hates being anywhere noisy, and still clings to me at playgroups (I never see any other children like this!). She's so sensitive, so aware of others feelings, and always wants to share out her food etc - I do worry that she'll be taken advantage of or pushed around once she starts pre-school/school, and lose some of the lovely positive sides of her sensitivity. I bought "The Highly Sensitive Child" recently (and "The Highly Sensitive Adult", as I think this is me!) and look forward to reading them.

Thanks for the thread, it's great to know there are others out there like my dd!

Hi Mammamia yes it really helps to know there are others out there going through this too, I find it hard to explain to others without hearing myself sounding like some mad helicopter parent fussing over her but she really does find these things so difficult.

dd always wants to share food too and is scrupulous about being fair saving part of a treat for my DH if he is at work for example. I know that she wants to make connections with other children and she has with close friends children but I think in general she just finds them so unpredictable. That's the thing there are so many positives to this type of personality she would never be destructive for example I cannot imagine her ever breaking something deliberately or drawing on the wall you draw on paper and thats that!

I think you will find the book really useful.

Hopefully we can do some kind of part-time thing I guess I need to go and look around the school and suss it out a bit. dd has some motion issues hates swings still LeninGrad has never managed more than 5 secs before she wants to get out same with a roundabout but she loves slides and always has done. It's not always predictable what will be difficult and what won't.

Haywire, you're very lucky to have such a small school for your dd. My dd's prospective school has 2 classes of 30 in each year!
I feel we're going backwards at the moment - she seems to be more clingy than ever at playgroup and if I try to encourage her to go off and play she either says she "doesn't want to be on her own", or that the other children are noisy. Noisy children is also a current issue at playgrounds. Today she's been saying she doesn't like playgroup any more. I'm not sure how we're going to handle starting pre-school if this continues. Think I may try talking to a HV.